The idea that piracy is stealing is so foreign to me.

It's literally the definition. Do you think pirates were invited on board to take a ship's volume of goods without compensation? I'm at a loss how you believe the acquisition of something with a price tag on it without paying for it is not theft.

Your Shakespearian example is very clearly theft. If you sit down at a theater and transcribe the entire show then produce the exact same show, you have stolen intellectual property. What example of "copycat movies" are you considering? I've never heard of such a thing nor can I comprehend how it might exist. If someone is literally copying the exact same movie, if someone is producing a movie with the exact same script, it's theft. Intellectual Property is a thing that can be stolen (hint, it's in the second word).

You're right in regard to licensing. We no longer purchase a product but a license to consume that product for a period of time. This was established in the DMCA as media moved from physical to digital formats. When you buy a DVD, you purchase the license to view the content on that medium. If you sell or give away that medium, you are transferring that license to the new owner. There's a company called Kaleidescape that takes all your physical movies and rips them to a local server. You have to sign an agreement that confirms you own a physical copy of that movie and if you give that movie away you must delete the file from your server. So, you can watch the movie however you like on whatever medium you like, provided you've paid for and currently hold the rights to that license.

I'd like you to further explain your philosophy of original content being of no value and everything being free.