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this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2023
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Supposedly Alexander the Great went to visit Diogenes in a suburb of Corinth to see what his deal was. When Alexander asked if Diogenes wanted anything from him, Diogenes reported replied “yes, move, you’re blocking the sun.”
Afterwards, Alexander was so amused and impressed that he’s quoted as saying “it I were not Alexander, I wish I were Diogenes.”
Fucking awesome.
I seem to recall Diogenes replied:
I mean it's all probably made up but what a guy.
i've been trying to figure out how to explain the spirit of the '70s to people, and i think that's exactly it.. everybody wanted to be Diogenes..
Diogenes was the Zlatan of philosophy.
And apparently Diogenes said back to Alexander "if I were not Diogenes, I would also want to be Diogenes".
Legend.
Dude straight up told the most powerful man of his time to fuck off.
Diogenes didn't exactly tell him to fuck off, it was more that he made a request for him to move over as if Alexander was literally any other man on Earth. An equal. Which arguably is more insulting as I'm sure Alexander's enemies often told him to fuck off, but this was the first time he was requested to stand aside by a dude known to publically masturbate.
Later, Alexander found Diogenes picking at the bones of a long dead servant, and when Alexander inquired as to what Diogenes was doing, Diogenes replied that he was trying find the difference between these bones and the bones of Alexander's father. Zero fucks given because in the end we are all bones.
More people should do that. Then maybe all of our rich and powerful wouldn't be such gigantic, punchable dicktwats.
Wasn't he in like a barrel? That he also used as a masterbatorium?
He only used it as a masterbatorium after getting caught jerking off in public one too many times. When asked about it, he is quoted as replying "If only it were as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly."
A song I sang in high school choir, written by Rick Sowash:
The philosopher Diogenes lived in a tub in the marketplace. He owned the clothes on his back and a wooden cup. One fine morning, when he saw a man drinking out of his hands, he threw away the cup. Alexander the Great, when he came to Athens, he went down to the market place to see the philosopher Diogenes. As he was about to leave, he asked the philosopher Diogenes, “is there anything at all that I can do for you?” “Yes,” said Diogenes, “you can get out of my light.”
This meeting has an entire Wikipedia entry lol: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes_and_Alexander
I only remember that story because of Reign: The Conquerer.
What a fucking edgelord