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this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2024
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What kind of a “community” exists around kink? Or do you just mean the superset of communities like furries, and whatever else is out there? What’s the line between those and more problematic sex clubs?
Define more problematic sex clubs
Jefferey Epstein didn’t kill himself.
Before he didn’t kill himself, he infamously ran some sex clubs.
These would be well-known examples representing a subset of what I would consider to be “problematic” sex clubs.
I would not want to be a part of a pride celebration where clubs like those have representation.
Pride is about throwing bricks at cops and celebrating our suppressed diversity, not the kinds of sex clubs that politicians go to. Pride is about tearing down hierarchies and problematic power dynamics, not fetishizing them. Or, at least, that’s my understanding of pride having never been to any sort of pride event. I know the history with stonewall and all of that, and that’s my picture of pride and what it should be.
The kinds of sex clubs that politicians go to are the only kinds of sex clubs of which I am aware, so I’m skeptical of sex clubs being represented at pride.
I don't know why it sticks in my head but I read an article many years ago written by a straight cis woman who kept on showing up to a gay male leather BDSM club and chatting up a storm. One night one of the guys there tells her off causing her to write an article about how they were anti-woman to her. And from there she derived a general principle that male homosexuals hated women.
It's like dude, there is nothing for you there, it's their space not your space, if you showed up to my D&D table each week commenting and not playing I might do the same eventually. Also you know it is BDSM you should expect people into that to not exactly be super polite at all times. It's quite literally a kink around inflicting consensual pain on each other, not exactly a grandma's quilting circle.
I think it sticks in my head because I felt like she was trying to provoke something, was successful at it, and now that she was hurt she must be right about her preconceived homophobia.
I felt the same way initially, just because I hadn't really been exposed to it prior, and had a lot of misgivings. I found Kat Blaque's video on the subject quite helpful just in giving context -- well worth a watch!
FetLife is a relatively respected kink social media platform. It's not about hooking up (though that certainly happens, just like on any online platform - hell, I knew people that later married that met in EQ). From my limited experience there, it's mostly about making everyone feel less ostracized. Of course, they have to have very explicit rules about consent, or that turns into a predator's playground - but again, that's true of any social media platform.