Look I've got terrible depression and chronic nerve pain. Idk what to tell you, hurting isn't a good reason to hurt others.

Personally I tend to feel better about myself when I'm doing good, I think that's pretty common. It's not so difficult of a change, if you learn like 5 solid lentil/bean based meals you can make easily (such as stews you can just throw in a pot) then you can just rotate through those as you learn.

Something like a chilli non carne, Moroccan chickpea stew, couple of dhals, and a pearl barley stew with lentils. I can dump some of what I use to avoid starvation when brushing my teeth is a 2 hour battle if you like?