Transfem

I found genderdysphoria.fyi to be a really helpful resource. It was my time figuring out that it was more so that I didn't understand dysphoria than that I didn't have any.

Also, therapy with a gender affirming provider is amazingly helpful.

If games are your thing, ‘What’s Your Gender?’ is a really beautifully made resource. There’s not really any mechanics, just walking and clicking interact.

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1761630/Whats_Your_Gender/

The big thing for me is that I never, ever felt gender euphoria when I was living as a man. I never felt proud of my clothes, my body, my appearance, a new haircut, nothing, I also didn't like the way I acted. Even when I was "at my best" I felt awful. I also greatly preferred the aesthetics of women and dreamed of being one. But of course it goes beyond just fashion into personality traits too. If you constantly feel like you're not comfortable in your body and your gender role, and it's been consistently that way, then you're probably trans.

You are right not to want answers along the lines of 'you are trans' or 'you are not trans'. You are right that you are the only person that can answer that. As a non-binary trans woman, I can tell you that 'being trans' isn't a uniform experience that can be easilly put in neatly defined boxes with easy to recognise checkboxes to tick off.

Even if it turns out you are cisgendered, it is good that you are questioning gender. Some of what we think about as 'gender' is social expectations that are entirely toxic. And more cisgendered men should question those gender norms.

Then you have femboys, and other cisgendered men that have a gender non conforming expression in terms of presentation, clothing, hairstyles and makeup. Expression is not identity. Of course some femboys are nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys. But most nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys are not femboys. Again, identity is not expression.

Ultimately all you can do is work out what makes you happy. Does the thought of being a woman spark joy? Does the thought of being neither man or woman (agender) spark joy? Does the thought of being both man and woman spark joy? Or man and agender? Or woman and agender? Or being masc but not quite a man (demiboy)? Or the thought of being almost a woman but not quite (transfem)?

Answering those questions won't give you a definitive answer, just a starting point for exploration. As you explore you may find your answers to those questions change as you pilot yourself and your life towards where you want to be.

For me, what helped initially was not to focus on whether I was trans or not, but on specific questions like whether I wanted to start HRT.

Because when I read the list of changes it caused, none of them seemed bad, and many seemed really desirable!

That helped reduce my dilemma from a complicated question of "identity" ("Am I trans? Am I nonbinary?" etc), to a more specific choice I could proceed with.