Jonathan: "That dick better be hard and ready when I get there"
this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2025
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Glad no one decided to make tortoise chowder out of him in those 192 years.
To save everyone some time
His age is estimated to be 192 as of 2025
And "The first known public appearance of the term homosexual in print is found in an 1869 German pamphlet."
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminology_of_homosexuality
Which is 36 years after this guy hatched
Can we all agree to use "Sashayed in" rather than "hatched"?
He's still more tortoise than he is gay.
That's probably true. But like, by weight? Surface area? Gay actions per hour vs tortoise actions per hour?
Hard to nail down.
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He must've copied it from gay tourists who did it in front of him! Surely it's just a show of completely non-sexual dominance. They're just really good friends. /s
And then when they've got nothing left, they ult:
Well, God made us in his image and that's what separates us from the animals. So it doesn't matter if gay tortoises exist
reasonable, except i'm not made in the image of god, i was subcontracted out to zeus and we all know what he was like.
Lol as if Yahweh would subcontract anything. Dude is the original narcissistic dictator.
the lord allmighty has no qualms about subcontracting, he will however (in his infinite wisdom) blame the subcontractor for any flaw regardless of how poor his specifications were.
"It was just a dramatic thing to see," Goldstein said of the male lions. He was astonished by Mutua's remarks, declaring it "not normal" and attributing the behavior to demonic possession, or copying what he clearly believes is amoral human behavior.
"These animals need counselling, because probably they have been influenced by gays who have gone to the national parks and behaved badly," said Mutua. "I don't know, they must have copied it somewhere or it is demonic. Because these animals do not watch movies."
"The demonic spirits inflicting in humans seems to have now caught up with the animals," the film classification board director said. "That is why I will say isolate the crazy gay animals."
film classification board director
Oh well then say no more. That’s certainly a higher scientific certification than anyone else who could have anything to say on the matter
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They're enclosure-mates!
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Here he is (on the left) ca. 1886 at around 50 years old:
Do you have a source for that date? Those cars in the background don't look like anything that would've existed in 1886. In fact the first car put into production was patented in 1886 and it looked like this:
Oops, you're absolutely right, I grabbed the wrong photo. Fixed. Pretty funny that that you can have a photo decades later than you thought and you can't tell by the animal in it, but by the technology in the background!
Heh. I just spent half a minute squinting the dark trees in the background, looking for the outline of a car. I didn't realise the picture was swapped.
me too. I thought i was more blind than the tortoise in question lol.
Yeah, same lol
That is definitely funny. I was just thinking, “How many fads and fashions has this one tortoise seen in his life?”
He's been around humans long enough to see to see, what, 6 or 7 generations?
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Okay, I am an ally and all. But when you are endangered ya just got to take one for the team
Meh... As someone with no interest in having children and could not care less about what that might mean for my "bloodline," I get it lol
You're bloodline doesn't matter if you aren't an endangered species. Lmao
not like it has to be an intimate and romantic moment anyways, many a religious group have perfected the art of making it as transactional as possible without outright using syringes.
Close your eyes and think of the species
Great now Jonathan will be on the deportation list.
He’s already on an island in the middle of the ocean that’s so remote it wasn’t even occupied when the Europeans took it. St. Helena is where they sent Napoleon to try to keep him away.
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they are just roommates
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