no german will admit this, but their cheese is terrible and so they invented quark to make it more terrible, but when that didn't solve their problems they snuck into the UK to steal ours.
of course we secretly stole their excellent bread in WW2, but hyped up the french bread due to the war effort. Then the swiss came along and stole everyone's lunch in broad daylight. Even now, you could walk into the shittiest (and yet somehow cleanest) airport or train station in Switzerland, buy the cheapest (20โฌ) baguette possible, and it will taste like the heavens have melted in your mouth.
Smug bastards. They even copied our triangle bread and made it good.
Little do they know though that we've been biding our time, carefully and quietly developing a secret weapon - a kebab so potent that it will blow the socks off anyone who touches it from grease fallout alone - that the UK will once again reign supreme in the upcoming sandwich wars.