During the pandemic I came out as non-binary due to my personal feelings on how I perceived myself and the way I am.

Lately over this past year I've been asking myself how do I feel. Many thought have been going through my head like I'd be happier if I was born a girl and I've always wondered what it would be like to have a vagina.

I'm also under immense stress in my personal life that may be exasperating these feelings but they existed before the stress.

My face is scraggly, my legs are a hairy mess. Thankfully I have a safe space with my wife who knows what I'm going through and a friend who listens and offers support. My biggest fear is addressing my family. My mom is still misgendering me and my trans BIL who has fully transitioned. She still lives us and I think she loves him but has fucked up ideas. My dad who has been divorced from my mom for nearly my whole life is full blood republican who believes in personal freedoms from his time in the military but I also don't know his feelings on trans rights.

I know I'm ranting but I decided I need to crack this shell and figure things out.

I don't know the first thing about makeup also clothes shopping is overwhelming.