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[-] li10@feddit.uk 157 points 7 months ago

I get where they’re coming from, but it’s still not great being a guy and only getting vague signals that you’re trying to piece together. Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.

While it may ultimately be those man children who ruin it for everyone, some upfront honesty is generally very appreciated.

[-] mbgid@lemmy.world 63 points 7 months ago

While it might feel rough for you, it's worth remembering that a lot of women have faced very real threats of violence for their upfront honesty.

If you're only getting vague signals then maybe that's the sign that she's not fully into you.

[-] li10@feddit.uk 89 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

I feel like this is very dismissive and also ignores that lots of relationships do inevitably start with vague signals.

“Yeah, well, women have it worse so your feelings are irrelevant and it’s okay if they ghost you.”

As I said in my original comment, I get it. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s a difficult situation for men.

Being dismissive of men’s feelings and not letting them talk about how dating is difficult for them isn’t helping anyone.

[-] mbgid@lemmy.world 47 points 7 months ago

I didn't intend to be dismissive and if my response sounded that way then I apologise.

I agree it's difficult to be on the receiving end of vague signals, but my perspective is if there's any annoyance or frustration it should be directed at the violent/angry men who have caused women to feel unsafe.

Helping women feel safer by tackling the violence and misogyny directed at them by men will benefit everyone.

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[-] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 31 points 7 months ago

It's also dismissive of the fact that a lot of women give vague signs as their signs of interest. It's really just a damned if you do or don't situation. Either you interpret the vague signals as disinterest and move on, or you read them as a potential go ahead and you're a dick.

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[-] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 19 points 7 months ago

I think there's three main reasons for vague signals.

  1. They legitimately don't know how they feel. Maybe they kind of like you but aren't sure. Recommended: do not pursue. Find someone who is enthusiastic about you. Do you really want to spend your time with someone who can't make decisions and doesn't know how they feel? It's exhausting.

  2. They are afraid or uncomfortable, and are trying to avoid upsetting you. Like the comic. Enough men will do just that or worse if they get rejected that being polite can seem safer, even if it makes me man feel like he's getting mixed signals. You know you're not like that, but they don't. Recommended: same as above.

2b. You are talking to someone who can't leave like a retail worker. Stop bothering the person who can't tell you to fuck off.

  1. They aren't thinking about you at all. Like one time they're happy to go bowling with you but the next time they blow you off on biking. What gives?? Mixed signals?? Nah dude she just likes bowling.
[-] candybrie@lemmy.world 17 points 7 months ago

There's also a sort of 1b. They're into you but are playing games like "hard to get." Again, do you really want to be with someone playing games with you? It's exhausting.

[-] ReiRose@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago

Love this. Especially 2b. I hated this about working in a cafe.

I'm only talking to you at all because I'm being paid to do so. I'm only smiling because my job is customer service. I'm being nice because you're a fellow human, not because I want you in any way

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[-] hydroptic@sopuli.xyz 12 points 7 months ago

Yeah, for men the likely worst case scenario is embarrassment, women can get straight-up beaten or murdered

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[-] Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 33 points 7 months ago

vague signals

If a woman gives me vague signals it's a sign that she's not right for me. Everything other than a "hell yes" is a no. Which is fine, I'm okay with being alone. But I'm not going to chase someone who hints that they're into me, because I'm too damn old for that shit.

[-] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 15 points 7 months ago

Everything other than a “hell yes” is a no.

This must be said more frequently. This is the correct attitude. You may be alone longer, but you haven't terrorized anybody. It's a net win.

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[-] henfredemars@infosec.pub 23 points 7 months ago

It’s also a bit like the job market in some professions. The good ones are more likely to be taken, so you have a magnifying effect on people who tend not to have successful relationships.

People are not very effective communicators.

[-] daltotron@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago

Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.

Maybe it's because I'm a zoomer, but ghosting for me is just kind of expected. It's mildly frustrating to encounter someone who doesn't really reciprocate your feelings or what have you, and it's maybe more disrespectful if it happens like, after the second or third date, but if someone ghosts you after the first date, I don't really think it matters that much. Certainly, I'd rather not have to confront it than have them tell me that they're not interested. That's not really a satisfying answer, "they're not interested", right. It makes you want to ask "why", but realistically they're not going to be able to give you a reasonable, realistic, actionable answer. They're just gonna be pulling stuff outta their ass. So I don't really care all that much, I don't think it matters.

[-] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 12 points 7 months ago

Ghosting is also another issue that’s honestly just disrespectful.

While that can be annoying, if somebody's ghosting you, that's just a signal to move on, yeah? You probably don't want a relationship with somebody who can't communicate, anyway.

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[-] EmperorHenry@discuss.tchncs.de 85 points 7 months ago

women get like that when they're rejected too.

[-] OopsOverbombing@lemmy.world 59 points 7 months ago

Thank you. This is just a reaction shitty people can have regardless of gender. If their fragile ego can't handle a rejection they go to anger and insults immediately. So bizarre.

[-] damnedfurry@lemmy.world 48 points 7 months ago

Seriously, all the same 'plays' too:

  • lol rofl you think I was actually asking?
  • you're ugly anyway
  • (if the rejection is based on you already being in a relationship) she's ugly, you'll never find someone as hot as me
  • (if you're single) you're gay/you're a f*ggot
  • (slur related to your race, more common if the rejected is of a different race)
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[-] Promethiel@lemmy.world 59 points 7 months ago

Young fellas; as a not so young fella who some say used to fuck: Don't be a dick while thinking with your dick.

It's that easy. You be you, be whatever you're interested in, and just use your goddamn eye balls to read if the person is uncomfortable. If they are, smile and fuck off king. Keep it going; don't be a dick and watch that aura work and that dick get wet.

But remember, you have to genuinely not be a dick. Be yourself, be assertive or not, there's someone (many someones even) for everyone and never mind the bullshit rules 1 and 2 you self-deluded fucks.

Don't. Be. A. Dick.

You'll be happier, the people around you will be happier, and you will fuck and feel good about it while making others feel good about it. Simple secret.

Don't. Be. A. Dick.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 37 points 7 months ago

Yeah as a woman who gets plenty of women. Women want to fuck too. If the lady you’re hitting on isn’t reciprocating that’s cool find one who is.

Also your mental and emotional shit being together is way more attractive than it has any right to be. I’m not kidding, I’m moderately attractive but the fact that I can take no for an answer, clean my bathroom, and introspect on my emotions does wonders with the women already attracted to me.

Remember you aren’t gonna turn a no into a yes, but you can turn a yes into a no or a no into a restraining order.

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[-] NewAgeOldPerson@lemmy.world 37 points 7 months ago

I don't really see the point of being mean. Most humans want sex. Just move on to those that want it with you. It's not a rejection. Just a mismatch.

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[-] FluffyPotato@lemm.ee 30 points 7 months ago

This and just not accepting a "no" have been the most common responses in my long lifetime.

Though during the soviet occupation there were also way too many cases of them reporting you to the soviets for some "corrective rape" and/or a trip to siberia because clearly you would be gay if you weren't interested but that's thankfully not a thing anymore.

There's a reason women avoid just outright saying no even if all men wouldn't react this way: The ones that do make it dangerous.

[-] Luisp@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 7 months ago

Unironically women should be able to say no instead of just ghosting nonstop, just say literally anything. Communication benefits both sides

[-] lurch@sh.itjust.works 16 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

yeah, would be nice, but won't happen when there's such a big chance the guy might snap and attack them. obviously women aren't stupid and quickly learn to avoid being attacked.

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[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 15 points 7 months ago

But also that implies women aren’t giving reasons or saying to back off and those are just being ignored or twisted. Do some women ghost? Yes I’m certain. Is every ghosting you hear a man talk about actually a ghosting? No I’m very certain because I recently had a friend go through this where she kept telling a guy that she’s not interested in ways that were trying to be nice about it as he’s an emotionally unstable gun nut and he just didn’t get it until she point blank told him never to reach out to her again, never to speak to her again, and then had a male friend say the same.

The whole thing reminded me of the missing missing reasons

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[-] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 23 points 7 months ago
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[-] WoahWoah@lemmy.world 16 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

Honest question: did guys in the generation that makes them about 16-26 now have some sort of generationally curly hair event? Or are dudes getting perms, or what the heck is happening. Nothing against curly hair, it just seems like suddenly almost all young guys have curly hair and a broccoli hair cut.

Edit: oh, duh. Dude's are using curling irons. I'm an idiot.

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[-] Ultragigagigantic@lemmy.world 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago)

It's safest to stay in your dank basement.

However, we all must live before we die, that's why we take the risk of leaving the basement... till you get a 30 pack of Bush light and some pizza. Then its back to the basement.

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this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2024
720 points (81.0% liked)

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