I work so hard to torture my metaphors with precision, and I’m honored when anyone notices. Thank you.

An elf is trying to deliver a very important warning, but is building up the preface to that warning so much, trying to provide a proper analogy for just how important the warning is, that he never actually gets to the point.

Honestly, watching the upvotes and downvotes chase each other on this one is thrilling.

Exactly! You get it.

This was apparently from a 1999 issue of Kerrang! at a time in which Daron Malakian would have indeed been around 23.

The smiles are priceless, but the wall repair bill for tusk marks is higher than you’d expect.

That is correct. Thanks for asking!

I‘m rooting for them.

And years after the last season of Nurse Jackie. I knew just how to time it.

Draculas, Marios, and if you’re feeling bold enough for a postpositive adjective, Doms DeLuise

Thanks! I have a comedian friend who looks and sounds exactly like Joel Haver. I keep wanting to ask him if he’s Joel Haver, but I admittedly haven’t seen him since around the time Joel Haver got popular.

Bobby is going to be heartbroken. Please let him have this.