I haven't gained weight, it's my clothes that have shrunk. :|

There's a shower... in your luggage? 🤔

Instructions unclear (or I couldn't read them without my glasses), now Billy Joel is mad at me and demanding I get out of his house for some reason.

It's like when I wonder why all the people that work at the bottle shop near me are drunk.

Growing up, friends of my parents owned and ran a Taco Bill's franchise. I remember going behind the scenes as a kid and being amazed at the biggest microwaves I'd ever seen...

That said, I'd totally jump on that tram in a heartbeat myself, on my way to consume twice my body weight in nachos...

We did this for my mother in law who previously used our account. They receive an email asking them to set their own password and then log in with their own credentials, you never need to share yours.

Wait till you read about how we went to war with the emus.

OHH see now THAT'S DIFFERENT!

It's like when you're at the post office on a saturday and it's totally packed with retirees lined up out the door to pay their bills and I'm internally screaming COULDN'T YOU HAVE DONE THIS DURING THE WEEK?!?! 🫠

Want a hand with the gun shopping? 😁

I'll be doing two of these three on Saturday, maybe I should consider body armour?

At work, wishin I was on the train,
Being here is causing so much pain.
At work, wishing ill on my coworkers,
Would -I- be at fault if I went bezerk-ers?

Hey great work!

Mine is currently... well... see the red bit? The bottom part of the red bit.

My Apple Watch actually gave me a "low cardio fitness" warning on the weekend during some exercise. But I'm working on it!

Desperate times call for desperate measures.