vestmoria

joined 2 years ago
[–] vestmoria@linux.community 0 points 1 day ago (1 children)

you have several good points but this ruined a good message:

where several people have failed her in a serious matter.

where did you get that from? an elective operation can be postponed if there are no doctors or anesthesiologists who can operate or if an emergency arises and somebody from the ER must be operated within minutes. She was told several times the new date for her fathers operation, she was told the hospital is not operating at full capacity due to doctors calling in sick but she didn't want to hear it, she even tried storming the nurses room.

If my coworker gives in to every entitled relative who yells at her and treats her this way, either my coworker will resign or take leave due to depression, a coworker who was simply doing her job to the best of her abilities managing the 20 something operations that had to be readied for Monday next week. And she gets abused for that? And you condone the karen? This part of your post seems very tone deaf. My coworker didn't even do her pause. It is her the one who deserves empathy, respect and my support, not the karen.

As a matter of fact, next time something like this happens I'll stop working and be there for her ready to call in security and the cops. f*ck the karen.

I don't know if you're aware how nurses complain of being treated like crap, burnout, losing the empathy they had when they first started working, but people like this karen are the reason why. You only need one to ruin your day.

What do you call somebody who throws a fit if she doesn't get what she wants?

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3626563

with people with good skills to defuse a tense situation at the workplace I mean everyone of you, because I suck at this and I'm sure anyone here is better than I am with this kind of stuff.

Tense situation is a karen yelling at one of my colleagues because her father's operation was postponed because I kid you not 4 doctors called in sick today. Rumor has it they're striking for better pay.

My instinctive response if someone starts behaving like a childish, snippy, entitled karen and acts passive-aggressively is to leave and ignore the person. In this case, the karen started ranting to my coworker, getting all snippy and wouldn't shut up. A rational conversation with people that irrational is impossible, so I kept doing my job, transferring a patient to another ward.

I never expected this colleague to tell me she felt let down because I didn't help her to deal with said karen. She said simply staying next to her would have sufficed. I told her I'd do that next time someone yells at her.

I consider myself lucky because I can leave to do my job but my colleague was trapped with this person.

My questions to you people with good social skills:

does it really help to simply stay next to my colleague, letting her do the talking while I do nothing but looking at the karen in the eye?

what if, each time the karen opens her mouth I repeat 'calm down' ad nauseam till she either tires, shuts up or walks away?

what do you say or do to support your coworkers while they're being verbally abused that somewhat defuses the situation?

what if avoiding conflict is a trait of mine to the point that I let people walk all over me?

how do you resist the urge to walk away? Situations like this trigger my fight or flight response.

what if I have to do this with a man and it gets physical? If somebody strikes me and I strike back, and I can guarantee you I'm striking back, I'm as guilty as the first aggressor.

 

with people with good skills to defuse a tense situation at the workplace I mean everyone of you, because I suck at this and I'm sure anyone here is better than I am with this kind of stuff.

Tense situation is a karen yelling at one of my colleagues because her father's operation was postponed because I kid you not 4 doctors called in sick today. Rumor has it they're striking for better pay.

My instinctive response if someone starts behaving like a childish, snippy, entitled karen and acts passive-aggressively is to leave and ignore the person. In this case, the karen started ranting to my coworker, getting all snippy and wouldn't shut up. A rational conversation with people that irrational is impossible, so I kept doing my job, transferring a patient to another ward.

I never expected this colleague to tell me she felt let down because I didn't help her to deal with said karen. She said simply staying next to her would have sufficed. I told her I'd do that next time someone yells at her.

I consider myself lucky because I can leave to do my job but my colleague was trapped with this person.

My questions to you people with good social skills:

does it really help to simply stay next to my colleague, letting her do the talking while I do nothing but looking at the karen in the eye?

what if, each time the karen opens her mouth I repeat 'calm down' ad nauseam till she either tires, shuts up or walks away?

what do you say or do to support your coworkers while they're being verbally abused that somewhat defuses the situation?

what if avoiding conflict is a trait of mine to the point that I let people walk all over me?

how do you resist the urge to walk away? Situations like this trigger my fight or flight response.

what if I have to do this with a man and it gets physical? If somebody strikes me and I strike back, and I can guarantee you I'm striking back, I'm as guilty as the first aggressor.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 2 weeks ago

you are right, but somehow I cannot stop ruminating about this. Just thinking about them and how I was treated infuriates me.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 2 weeks ago

I must insist you read the thread again. I haven't even started my new job.

Kindly point where I'm having the exact same issues at a new job I haven't even started.

calm down, think before writing.

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 2 weeks ago

this is bed nursing specific

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 2 points 2 weeks ago

I don't know if this is PTSD, but the mere mention of their names and remembering them infuriates me.

I know I should be better than this and leave the past behind me, but somehow I cannot.

At least I'm eating and resting well

[–] vestmoria@linux.community -2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

This is like the 6th thread I’ve seen on here by you, every one almost identical in that you hate your job, you hate everyone there, everyone is mean to you, everyone else is lazy, etc

then read the thread again dude, apparently you didn't notice I no longer work there

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

People won’t like you for it but you won’t care.

actually, some unidentified coworkers complained I'm not friendly and the way I speak is demanding.

My former supervisor seemed to care about this because she came to me with these accusations, repeatedly. I still don't know if this something big enough to fire somebody.

I don't care, don't give a fuck but apparently hr does...

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

Don’t give a fuck attitude going forward is a must.

I'm gonna have to ask you to explain here:

I stopped giving a fuck about my coworkers 2 weeks before calling in sick, like, fuck them and I hope they burn in hell. If I ever have to set foot at that god forsaken piece of shit ward I'm calling in sick again. Fuck em.

I also don't give a fuck about any of my former managers.

I don't want to to say I don't give a flying fuck about my current hospital, because I'm staying with them on a different role until I find something better, which may or may not happen, but it's a clock in clock out and I'm fucking done with you and fuck you asshole situation

you suggest not giving a fuck even going forward? but I do need to give a fuck not to lose my new position until I have secured a newer one, right? I don't even know if I'm going to hate the new position away from patients as much as the ward.

you other 3 bullet points are great though

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

so I'm going to have a way to work and sustain myself while doing some therapy?

Did you do therapy or simply started your new job and somehow your brain forgot that part of your former life? Talked to friends?

I'll watch the video now

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I don't want to go to work dreading having to go to work, I don't want to think about how I'm going to be yelled at, what snarky remarks I'm gonna have to hear, what coworkers are going to lazy around while I work and their sit on their asses, I don't want to prepare a working plan for the day only to be completely ignored by a coworker that, while not my superior, feels and acts like it only because she's been there longer than me.

I don't want to go to work in fear.

this looks like PTSD now.

I want to go to work to do the job to the best of my abilities feeling rested, to do my pauses as stipulated in the contract, to avoid drama and go home.

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3524630

former bed side nurse here on sick leave till the end of the month. I should start my new job away from patients with normal working hours on October 1st.

I feel drained, even though I eat and sleep well, the best I've slept in months, my circadian rhythm is that of a normal human being, I can cook, go shopping, I even play some hobbies now.

Nobody yells at me or makes passive aggressive or backhanded remarks for me to hear.

The 1st. of October is a week away and I don't believe I'll be a fully functioning human being by then, most probably I'll ask for a 2 week sick leave extension.

what worked for you to go back to your normal self?

 

former bed side nurse here on sick leave till the end of the month. I should start my new job away from patients with normal working hours on October 1st.

I feel drained, even though I eat and sleep well, the best I've slept in months, my circadian rhythm is that of a normal human being, I can cook, go shopping, I even play some hobbies now.

Nobody yells at me or makes passive aggressive or backhanded remarks for me to hear.

The 1st. of October is a week away and I don't believe I'll be a fully functioning human being by then, most probably I'll ask for a 2 week sick leave extension.

what worked for you to go back to your normal self?

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3511467

I learned what non violent communication is a day ago and I'm using it to mend a friendship.

Have you however used it at the workplace?

I find it unpractical: there are so many things to do at the workplace and the last thing stressed people with deadlines need is to have a conversation about feelings, but maybe I'm wrong?

A question for nurses working bedside: do you actually use non violent communication at your ward with your patients and actually have time to do your other duties, like charting, preparing infusions and meds, dealing with providers, insurance, the alcoholic who fights you, the demented one who constantly tries to leave the unit, the one who wants to leave ama (against medical advice)?

 

I learned what non violent communication is a day ago and I'm using it to mend a friendship.

Have you however used it at the workplace?

I find it unpractical: there are so many things to do at the workplace and the last thing stressed people with deadlines need is to have a conversation about feelings, but maybe I'm wrong?

A question for nurses working bedside: do you actually use non violent communication at your ward with your patients and actually have time to do your other duties, like charting, preparing infusions and meds, dealing with providers, insurance, the alcoholic who fights you, the demented one who constantly tries to leave the unit, the one who wants to leave ama (against medical advice)?

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3500461

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

 

it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other's point of view before resuming the conversation. We don't have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don't see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I've also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I'm the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3497784

Example: several of my former coworkers are from Mexico, Peru and Argentina, meaning they share Spanish as a common language.

I used to practice Spanish with them, but my last charge (like a ward's manager) would yell at us to stop it, use English only. She would get very angry really fast if she heard anything in a language she didn't understand.

I find it stupid, because some of them would use Spanish to better explain to the new nurses how to do certain procedures, but maybe I'm missing something?

 

Example: several of my former coworkers are from Mexico, Peru and Argentina, meaning they share Spanish as a common language.

I used to practice Spanish with them, but my last charge (like a ward's manager) would yell at us to stop it, use English only. She would get very angry really fast if she heard anything in a language she didn't understand.

I find it stupid, because some of them would use Spanish to better explain to the new nurses how to do certain procedures, but maybe I'm missing something?

[–] vestmoria@linux.community 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

your answer is some kind of zen level wisdom I still need to master.

Happy that you can, but apparently I cannot (yet?)

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3455022

smart guys who avoid drama have this ability I lack: to do their job, even if it means working more than an established, well connected lazy group of people. Smart guys do their 30 minute pause and then keep working, even if the lazier ones have longer pauses.

Maybe you've accepted that life is unfair, or that a job is a job and while you're at the workplace and being paid, your employer can do with you what he wants, even if that means some of your coworkers have it easier than you and let you the most physically demanding tasks so they get the easy ones.

I am incapable of being like this:

Nursing is a physically demanding job and mentally draining as well: an even larger number of patients will complain about everything and are convinced you're there to be their private therapist for 2 hours, forgetting I have other patients, patients are nowadays fatter with more comorbidities, they sometimes fight you, the one with dementia wants to get up and leave the ward, even if he's there because he fell at home and broke his orbita, they question you, they blame you for things you cannot control or don't decide, they verbally abuse you, they sometimes don't speak English...

If I ignore the lazy ones, pause for 30 minutes and then work chances are I'll be calling in sick the next day, because I work till my back and legs ache, it is simply not sustainable. I'm the one walking the ward side to side.

Furthermore, I don't know if you understand how draining and frustrating is to see a group of people who are well connected and know they cannot be fired to play on their phones while you, the new guy there, are held to a different standard and are expected to work, physically, continuously, bar that 30 minute pause.

That's why to me this is personal: the more they lazy around the more I have to work, the more back pain I get, the more frustrated I get, the more I hate it there.

You may successfully separate the people from the job and care more about the job than the people there, but I cannot get pass this, and I don't feel I'm in the wrong.

Maybe I'm entitled? Am I wrong? AITA?

 

cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/3420358

as said previously I'm a nurse, which means the overwhelming majority of employees are women. Gossiping, being unauthentic, cattiness and passive aggressiveness is a daily occurrence.

My current unit: there are 2 men that seem to be completely stoic (I don't know what word would describe them better): they ignore drama and jabs, even if directed at them, they are punctual with their pauses, I mean really, 30 minutes and that's it, and can ignore when other coworkers lazy around, even if it means they have to be the ones doing most of the work, extra work they don't receive any extra money or recognition for.

I am writing in awe, because as much as I'd like to be this thick skinned, I am not. The feeling of being treated unfairly rubs me the wrong way really fast. My strategy so far has been to lazy around so much as my direct coworkers, even if they're part of an established group at the ward I don't belong to. They're the ones supposed to be showing me around and teach me. If they don't work, why should I?

I believe this is a trait of mine, something nearly impossible to change, it would make more sense to change the setting than trying to change me, to change jobs. I don't know how to play this game where I am, in a workplace where most employees are women.

But my question remains to all of you who are this thick skinned: how? I don't understand it. Don't you find it tiring? Doesn't it make you feel like shit when you go back home? Don't you feel taken advantage of?

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