First time poster, so pardon my formatting.

Disclaimer: This is a repost from Reddit. I did not compile the original posts. I’ve attached the original link for anyone interested.

BORU POST

I am not the OOP. This was originally posted by u/THROWAWAY_2948199 on r/advice and r/AITAH.

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ORIGINAL POST - Sept 29, 2023.

My fiance has 3 kids (16M, 19F, 13M) with her ex, meanwhile I only have one kid with my ex, my daughter (14F)

My daughter is a state qualifying cross country and track runner. This means that her training schedule is rather intense, with her weekly mileage reaching into the high 70s and low 80s. At her most recent sports physical, I asked her doctor how often I should replace her shoes because I’m sure they get worn out pretty quickly with the amount of miles she’s running each week. Her doctor recommended switching the shoes out every 6 months, as well as get 2 pairs of shoes so she can switch out the pair she’s wearing every other day or so. However, her shoes may need to get replaced earlier depending on how intense her weeks get.

After the appointment I took my daughter out to a few athletic stores so she can pick out a few pairs. I told her to pick out 4 pairs of running shoes, 2 for track season and 2 for cross country. Then I told her to pick out a pair of spikes for her races. I spent over 300 for her shoes.

When we came home my fiance saw the bags my daughter was holding and my daughter excitedly told her about the new shoes she has gotten. My fiance stayed quiet until later that night while we were getting ready for bed she starting yelling at me for being irresponsible and a horrible person to her own kids. She said she was very mad because I should also get her kids shoes if I’m spending over 300 for my daughter. I mentioned that we agreed we would each provide for our own kids on our own, and her kids don’t play any sports. They all sit in their rooms all day on their electronics, even when I do buy them something they never say thank you or appreciate what I get them.

She got even angrier and now she hasn’t talked to me still, it’s been 2 weeks. How do I handle her anger towards me for not getting her kids shoes when I got my daughter shoes?

-- SECOND POST a similar problem - Oct 7, 2023

AITAH for buying my daughter a gift when I didn’t buy my fiance’s kids one?

My (30M) daughter’s (14F) nintendo switch completely stopped working earlier this week. She got it the month it was released (March 2017) and has kept it in good condition for over 6 years. Yesterday she had her conference cross country meet, where she both PR’d and qualified to run state. To celebrate her new achievements, I took her out to eat and then bought her a new nintendo switch with a game she picked out.

My fiance (38F) came back from her parent’s earlier today and saw my daughter playing with her switch. She asked me about it after my daughter left with her boyfriend and I told her that I wanted to celebrate her accomplishments in her running career so I got her a new switch as a gift. Fiance then got really angry and told me that if I’m going to buy my daughter something then I have to be fair and buy her own kids (19F, 16M, 13M) something too. I pointed out that I do buy her kids gifts when they reach goals and achievements too (for example, I bought my stepdaughter an expensive hello kitty necklace as a high school graduation gift and I let both the boys pick out two video games when they both passed their final exams).

She told me that it’s unfair I spend more on my daughter than I do on her kids because I make a lot more than her. Fiance then got angrier and accused me of not liking her kids because of the different financial treatment between her kids and my kid. She left with her two sons, but her daughter stayed with me at the house because she’s on my side.

I got a bunch of texts from her family calling me a selfish asshole for treating her kids differently when buying gifts. AITA?

EDIT: To answer some common questions, because there’s a lot of comments and it’s hard to get to all of them in a timely manner.

“How does your fiance treat your daughter?” My daughter and fiance don’t interact much. They’re both polite to each other, but they simply don’t talk much aside from small talk and my daughter asking her some questions about cooking food. I have mentioned to my daughter before that if my fiance ever were to mistreat her, she needs to tell me and I will always have her back no matter what. To my knowledge, my fiance DOESN’T mistreat her at all. They just don’t talk much.

“Do you have a will or trust fund in place?” I have a will set up that gives my daughter everything, my will is safe with a very trusted lawyer friend of mine. I also have a trust in place for my daughter, and she will gain full access to it once she turns 21.

“Did you have this argument in front of her children?” No, she called her kids down and told them what we were arguing about. I told them my side, and her sons took her side and left with her.

“What is your relationship like with her kids? How are they with your daughter?” My relationship with her sons is unfortunately minimal. I try to talk to them about their favorite topics or hobbies and they either ignore me or shut the conversation down as soon as possible. I don’t talk to them much either other than when they come to me for advice on things like school, friends, etc. My relationship with her older daughter is very good though, I’d like to think we are close. As for my daughter, she doesn’t talk to her stepbrothers much but she’s extremely close with her older sister.

Hope this clears up some things.

Edit 2: To clear up another few common things being mentioned, my fiance has not always been this way with my daughter and me. She started getting much more defensive when my daughter finished middle school. I am not with my fiance for sex, my sex drive is low and so is hers. Her children’s father is not in their life and does not pay child support, my daughter’s mother is not in her life either.

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UPDATE POST - Oct 8, 2023

I made a post yesterday asking if I was the AH because I didn’t buy my fiance’s kids a gift, but I bought my daughter one. I wanted to thank everyone for the positive feedback, and the kind support as well as the helpful advice I’ve gotten. A lot of people asked for an update after I have talked to fiance, so here you go.

She came back at 12 in the morning alone, she said she left the boys at her parent’s place because she doesn’t, in her words, “want them in the presence of a man who won’t provide for them.” I sat her down and talked to her about a lot of things and a lot of you were right, this is not the woman I want to marry.

When I first brought up how she doesn’t bring anything to the table when I pay for everything, she didn’t want to talk about it and kept dodging the subject. I brought up how unfair it was of her to expect me to provide for her and her children when she doesn’t do anything for my daughter and the bare minimal for me. She doesn’t do house chores, she doesn’t pay bills (except her and her daughter’s car payments and car insurance), and she spends minimal time with both me and my daughter. Fiance didn’t say anything.

Then I talked about the financial and emotional abuse, she freaked the fuck out. She started yelling about how it was my job as the man to provide for her and her kids, when I make so much more than her and they have no father figure. I’m all they had and she kept bringing that up as an excuse for her behavior towards my money and how I spent it on my daughter. When I asked her what she expected me to do about my will or a prenup she told me that any good husband would put his wife above everyone else. She had been banking on me giving her everything I had for over a year at this point.

I don’t like yelling at all but I was at my breaking point with her at this point, we yelled at each other a lot. It’s not my finest moment and I’m ashamed but I realized that I let so much happen and my daughter suffered as a result of it. I told her about her neglect towards my child and I will not tolerate it any longer. She is my number one priority over everyone else and always will be. I don’t think fiance believed me when I said that but I guess she realized I was serious when I told her to start packing.

I’m done being an ATM for that lady, and it’s crazy to think how strangers on an app made me realize how I was stuck in such a toxic, manipulative, and abusive relationship with her. My (now ex) fiance won’t be a problem anymore, I hope.

I don’t think I’ll be with another person for a long time, but thank you to everyone for the support and kindness.

EDIT: My ex’s daughter will be staying with me and I will financially support her through college, and I will also help her get her own place. Her and I are on good terms and I want to make sure my ex will not be using her as a token to manipulate me any further.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP.

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/thra_Impress6525 in r/relationship_advice

Mood spoiler:

​

Original

​

My best friend Sarah (26F) and her husband Matt (28M) have put me in a very difficult position with my fiance Jack (30M). I knew Matt since my childhood, he was my neighbor and we were friendly. Sarah and I were roommates in college and became close friends.

When I introduced Sarah and Matt, they hit it off and started dating each other. I was happy to see two of my friends get together but also annoyed that I became the third wheel and was often ignored or set aside because they were so into each other. By the time I graduated, Matt had completely dropped me as a friend. That saddened me but I was still good friends with Sarah so it was what it was. Sarah and I would frequently hang out, but I never talked with Matt other than the occasional polite hellos. Sarah would sometimes try to do couples dates with her and Matt and me and my dates. I found that Matt had developed an unpleasant personality and would frequently be rude and condescending towards me. However, he’s a very devoted and loving husband to Sarah so for her sake I ignored him.

When my fiance and I got engaged, we had no plans to do a party. Sarah was disappointed that we didn’t throw an engagement party so she organized a small get-together at her home to celebrate us. The party was nice and as things were winding down, my fiance and I went to thank Sarah and Matt for their sweet gesture before we took our leave. Matt was pretty tipsy by then and out of nowhere he suddenly hugged me and in front of my fiance said that he was so glad that I was finally settling down and he is relieved that now I’ll be over the crush I had on him. I was shocked and told him that wasn’t true. He just laughed and told Jack that I was always chasing him and he had to work hard to keep me away. I dragged Sarah in and asked her to please fix this mess and she was all like oh he’s drunk ignore him and says, you know I always trust you, I know you wouldn’t act on your crush.

Jack was pretty pissed by this point and he walked out. I ran after him and tried explaining that this isn’t true but he told me he doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice or their backup plan. Since that night he isn’t talking to me or returning my calls.

I have talked to Sarah multiple times to clear things with Jack but she’s brushing me off. I don’t understand why they believe this or why she’d stay friends with me if she thought I was into her husband. I was in her wedding party and did all the work because her sister who was the MOH was too busy. I have helped her through her pregnancy and have babysat her kid so many times. She never gave me any indication she thought this and why would she want me close to her family if she believed this? I feel humiliated that these people think I was pining away for a jerk like Matt.

I need help in convincing Jack this isn’t true. I am also mad at him for throwing away our relationship over what some drunken idiot said. I don't know what I am going to do about my friendship with Sarah.

Update:

I talked to Sarah again and asked her first of all why she’d think I had a crush on Matt. She said that when I first introduced them I had talked up Matt and gushed about him and she took that as me being into him. I said I was fond of him since I’ve known him for a long time but that doesn’t mean I want to be with him. She said when they started dating I was often upset about it. I said I wasn’t upset about their dating, I was upset that she’d make plans with me and then leave me to be with him and when we were all together I didn’t enjoy being the third wheel while they ignored me. That had nothing to do with wanting him and more to not liking being left out by my best friend. I asked her why she hadn’t said anything before and she explained that she could “manage” the situation. She had asked Matt to stop talking to me completely and she engineered situations so there was little chance of us socializing with each other.

I asked her now that I have explained that I never had a crush on Matt, can you please talk to Jack and tell him. She said she didn’t want to lie. This frustrated me immensely. She could ignore this imaginary crush for years and manipulate me, but won’t talk to my fiance to help my relationship. I told her I was done being her friend. Thinking back I was always doing stuff for her and she used me but did little for me.

​

Update (posted yesterday):

Tl;dr: Jack and I broke up.

I wrote a long letter to Jack explaining the entire history of my relationship with Sarah and Matt with the recent screencaps. I asserted as best as I could that I had never pined after any guy and I loved him and he was my only choice.

After days of silence, Jack agreed to talk to me. We met and he said that he sees two ways of interpreting this situation. One, Matt and Sarah are right and he doesn’t want to be my second choice. Two, they are malicious people who are messing with me and that shows very poor judgment on my part that I’d have a best friend like this and he doesn’t want that quality in a life partner. Either possibility leads to the same conclusion that he wants to call off the engagement.

He reminded me that I had represented Sarah as one of the most important people in my life. I’d jump up and help her all the time. I had once canceled plans with him to take care of her kid when the baby was sick. It had irked him but he had seen it as me being caring and nice, but now he’s seeing all that in a different light.

I cried and begged him not to end our engagement, but he wanted a break for a while. I thought over what he said for a few days and came to realize that he was right. I was a clingy friend and a doormat. I never even saw how much one sided my friendship with Sarah was. I was a doormat with Jack too. I didn’t want to get married or have kids this early but agreed to his timelines. I gave up an exciting job opportunity with more money because he didn’t want me traveling for work. I love him but I need to fix myself and be stronger.

I gave back his ring and ended things. I returned all the gifts he gave too. He was offended by that, but I didn’t feel good about keeping the very expensive things he had given me. He makes a lot more than me and was very generous with what he gave me, but I can’t keep that now.

Sarah was quiet for a while but then started calling me. I ignored a lot of her calls but this morning I answered her call and told her about the breakup. I was looking for sympathy from my old friend. She was more interested in knowing if I was still going to watch her kid while she and Matt went on an overnight trip. She got pretty angry when I said no. I have blocked her now.

I have lost my fiance, my best friend and my relationship with my nephew whom I adored, all in one go. But still, I am thankful for the comments that showed this wasn’t something I could fix and helped me rip off the bandaid and walk away from this mess.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/pyrpaul on Reddit

Originally posted to r/CasualIreland

Original Jan 5, 2023

So I've been seeing a lot of new brands on the shelves as late. One brand was called apollo, the other samyang, I think.

Has anyone tried? Any use? Is there even a difference from Koka, or is ramen just ramen?

(I will also fight anyone that says instant noodles don't deserve a foodie tag.)

RELEVANT COMMENTS

No-Ladder7811

Samyang kimchi ramen noodles from the Asian store are my go to. Now they blow the arse of you but well worth it. If too spicy instead of water, use some milk, to make a creamier broth to tone it down a bit.

Cabhert5

They aren't all the same at all, according to my kid who'll only eat Shin Ramen (Nongshim) from the asian stores. Believe me, the kid's a connoisseur

dreamcomenull

Samyang is great. But be careful - they have some extra spicy noodles. And by extra I mean the most spicy noodles in the world. No jokes

azlolazlo

Why would you abandon koka for some new whore?

leosp633fc

Dude, koka is boring. Go to an Asian shop and be adventurous!

Update Jan 13, 2023

So I managed to pick up a pot of Samyang 2x spicy hot chicken flavor, and I have been happily storing it away until this evening when I planned to finally tuck in.

I found the instructions very clear and easy to follow. I found the bowl design of the packaging fantastically efficient. I fried some bacon and mushrooms to add to the noodles and can clearly see how ramen so quickly became a staple food in Eastern climes.

What I did not expect was the life altering revelation that Samyang would bring to me. A moment of such clarity of spirit and placement within the wide universe that I felt as if I was looking at myself from without.

In this moment of catharsis I discovered that there are two types of bucket-lists.

One is the normal super fun lists of things you want to do in the life.

The other is a not so fun list of things you never want to learn about yourself.

Today I learned I am a bitch. But not just any type of bitch.

Have you ever met one of those absolute chodes that goes around saying stuff like, "I love spicy food," - "Nothing is too hot for me." - "If I could bottle hellfire I'd sprinkle it on my chips." And then folds like a cheap trick at the first sing of heat.

Today, laddies and djents, I am that chode.

Here and now I swear blind that I'll never again attest that I eat hot all the time. Or that I love jalapenos. Or that I put chili flakes on everything.

I am a heat-bitch, and I see that now. Samyang 2x spicy scorched my soul from my lean flanks, twisted me once around the sun, and sat me back down, blistered and burned, to revel at the scope of my folly.

There is no god, only heat. Yet still I pray that my lips will cease to hurt.

Pray for me if you can.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

SteveK27982

Best of luck with it the other end!

urpleWomat

I'll wait for the update before I try them.

OOP replied

OP is dead. There will be no update.

This post is considered concluded as OOP has stated that they are deceased

I am not OOP

Source

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/DaddyDorr94 in r/relationship_advice

Possibly ongoing, more updates to follow.

My (M28) Wife (F26) has scammed multiple people, and lied to me about it. - 7th August 2023

So about a week ago, I got this Facebook message from some lady saying that my wife scammed her out of some money shipping baby clothes. I went to my wife about it before talking to the lady, and my wife said "I've never seen this lady in my life, she's just trying to get you to send her $30." She then went on to block the lady, and that was that. Well this morning I got a message request from a different lady saying how my wife scammed her out of $120, and sent me screenshots of her and my wife's conversation and transactions. I unblocked the other lady, and she also sent me conversations and transactions. And apparently THERE ARE OTHERS. So I now have 3 ladies in my DMs with proof that my wife scammed them out of money, lied to them about having a miscarriage, and saying she was on bed rest and couldn't. (She's at work as a bartender rn, she's not on no damn bed rest)

The thing that irks me the most is how quick she was to lie to me and block the lady. It didn't feel right, but I thought oh well, she wouldn't lie about something like this. Now I'm just sitting here wondering how much more she's lied about, and don't feel like I can even trust her.

My wife doesn't know I have all of this information, any idea of what I should do next?

Comment

Her reaction is a bit sus. She just said “I’ve never seen her before. She’s trying to get money from you”? I’d be all WTF? Who is this? Why do they think that??? Give me their details so I can clear this up.

I’d put a hold on my credit and check all my accounts TBH. If it turns out she’s really doing this I’d find and attorney divorce. If these people are genuine victims and they found you they can find your friends, family and employer.

OOP

Her reaction was what drove me to believe these people. Took my phone and blocked this lady and denied denied denied. Buuut from the messages this lady had with my wife, I fully believe my wife scammed her. And on top she LIED to them. Said I shipped their packages, lied and said she had a miscarriage and had to be bed ridden, and basically just tried to play the victim the entire time when she had no intentions of giving this lady her stuff. (Even “sold” her some clothing she already gave to somebody else)

​It wasn’t that odd to me either, but how quick she was to block the lady is what I found a bit suspicious, buuut I didn’t do anything bc I believed her. Apparently the OG lady made a post on some moms group fb page and that’s how they all found me. PLUS like a week ago, my wife just randomly deleted her Facebook account. And it lines up exactly for when the OG lady threatened to make a public post about my wife

They paid her on a PayPal, that isn’t her actual PayPal, she’s at work rn, but I’m going to try to do some digging into that later, buuut basically that whole Facebook group has my wife on a “no sell list” bc this isn’t the first time this has happened apparently. (The OG lady who contacted me invited me and showed me the public post she made shaming my wife for what she did)

​Comment

Talk to her about why she's doing it and what else she's lied about, she should be worried about the police too

OOP

I don’t think she’ll be honest at this point. I got invited to the fb group my wife sold this stuff in, and they have a whole like 3 posts talking about how she’s on a ban list, and she’s cheated people out of money etc.

​Comment

If someone told my husband I was scamming them, I would be out of my mind! I would certainly want to get to the bottom of it!!! I would turn into Sherlock Holmes, figure out what happened, make public posts about a scammer stealing my identity, and figure a way to put an end to all of it. Seems a little odd, the way your wife brushed it off and just blocked them on your phone. Wouldn't you want to clear your name if that happened to you? So I agree it seems a little suspicious how she is behaving, I donno though.

OOP

I fully believed her at first! She’s given me 0 reason to not. Buuut through further investigation I completely believe it. There’s a whole moms group on fb that swaps baby clothes and they have her on a no sell list bc she’s done this sort of thing before apparently. Makes me really question what else she’s lied about

I was worried about that too! Which is why I didn’t go to my wife first. But after investigating most of the day, I believe my wife absolutely was the bad person here. They have her banned on this moms group bc she’s done this before apparently

​Comment

liars lie. this wont stop at facebook scamming, and it is only a matter of time before it hurts you much more directly.

OOP

That’s what I’m worried about. I work out of state too, so she would have plenty of opportunity to “lie” to me and I’d never know

Update 9th August 2023

I confronted my wife with all of the evidence that’s she 1000% did this including the money trail, and had my phone recording everything and a hidden security camera going to watch it all, and she still denied it all. And then told me I was a “joke of a husband” for not believing her in this whole ordeal. And she continued to berate me for about 45 minutes, and say just awful things. Anytime I would bring up a point she would just dismiss it and continue to gas light me. So I’m taking my 2 year old daughter, and going to my buddy’s house for the rest of the week.

Comment

I am so sorry this happened to you. Honestly, I am in these Facebook groups and see women scamming all the time.. it's sad that it is affecting you. I hope for the best outcome for you and your family, whatever that may be.

I hate those type of people, they are horrid. Many are getting sued and partners are suffering for it. Even though your wife is the one doing it, they can come after you too or you may be stuck with the financial burden of her losing small claims cases. What she's doing is sick. I'm so ssorr

Reminder - I am not OOP

Source

I am not the original poster. Original post by u/RoadIsland123 in r/AmItheAsshole.

Wed, May 11, 2022

I F30 don't have the best relationship with my husband's mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.

So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country - tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband's mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can't come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum. said he wouldn't go if she can't come and I told him I'd gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say "FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won't take her".

Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn't respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that's when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there "anyway" and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.

I went home and sobbed into my dog's fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it's ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn't have ruined it for myself and should've sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.

Did I really overreact?

Judgement: Not the A-hole

UPDATE AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband's mom standing there with her luggage?

Mon, May 16, 2022

Hello!.

I don't know where to begin...it's been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.

So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband's mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He's never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.

Most of his siblings don't talk to him and I 100% believe it's because of his mom's favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is till this day.

In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaneously and I don't know why. But I guess it's because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.

Regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn't continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn't take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just... made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no...I can't do it, Can't take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I'm always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.

All these people's opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark...like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn't get this far but what's done is done.

Right now I'm staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I'm the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it's the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It's become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I'm just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I'm not mad at him and don't expect him to change but... at least I'm given options to decide what's best for me and my future even if it's separation and divorce.

A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.

I am not OOP

Source

I am not the OP. These posts were made by u/throwramalo on Reddit

OOP's original post was made to r/ relationship advice in 2021 before the subreddit implemented a rule for 18+ posts only. So when OOP tried to make a new update, he wasn't allowed to, so he instead added it to the bottom of the post she shared on his own subreddit

Original Post: October 22nd, 2021

I don't live with my parents and moved into a dorm when I went to college. I'm attending out of state and moved out for personal reasons, but I moved out on decent terms because I compromised after something happened in high school. One of the reasons I moved out was because of an argument that came at the tail end of other personal things from over the years. My parents are heavily involved in their church (they're both leaders), and long story short, they weren't crazy about my girlfriend and preferred I date someone from the church who would share the same belief. I met my ex-girlfriend at a job I worked in high school, and it's important to note that my sister and I were homeschooled through a group that is associated with our church. So, they didn't like when I found someone outside of that circle and began to tell me that they "shouldn't have let me get a job" at 16

So, as a result, they began to treat my sister differently and said that they wouldn't let her work until she graduated, and they have been more adamant about keeping her social interaction to within the church only since I was 16ish with my ex. They also made her go through a purity course that I didn't have to along with telling her lies about my ex being someone who slept around (at 16), and they constantly used her as an example too. I only introduced them to my ex-girlfriend out of respect I felt I owed them at the time, but if I could do it over, I wouldn't because of how it caused them to treat my sister differently. From only church friends to purity and not letting her wear certain swimsuits or fitted clothes that "looks like something my girlfriend would wear" as they once said, I regretted it because they were strict on her because of me, and they hated my ex because she wasn't religious and said she was why I stopped going to church around that age

After my girlfriend and I broke up eventually (when we were still in high school), I became close with my sister and tried to spend more time with her, and I also decided to attend a weeknight Bible study and take her to youth to get back in their graces, and we bonded on those drives and had some good talks (where I vented about my parents), and they even eased up on my sister somewhat after we broke up (letting her go to a sports camp in the summer that wasn't a part of our church). I knew I wasn't religious, but going to church felt familiar when I was depressed, and my parents easing up felt like another plus. If it meant she'd have it easier, I figured it was bearable. So, I continued to attend through graduation until I moved out and went to college on good terms, and I kept a connection with her as a result until I screwed it up recently, and that's why I'm looking for advice

My sister wanted tickets to Simone Biles's "Gold Over America" tour for her birthday, and she told me during one of our usual calls as I'm on dorm. However, I've quickly come to regret it since coming home for her birthday like I always had, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to anymore. When I purchased the tickets, I surprised her with a premium pass that allowed her to be on the floor with the other performers during the final act to dance alongside them, and it also comes with a Q&A meeting among other things too. She was really excited when she received everything, and her parents seemed excited too. However, her parents called me a few days later once I went back to my dorm, and their stance was different from the night she received it. They said that they weren't allowing her to go and pointed to the olympics as the reason why, and they blamed me for buying the tickets and said I "should've known better".

They pointed to how Simone Biles withdrew and said that she was "teaching girls to be soft" and compared it to participation trophies that are "supposed to make you feel good about mediocrity". They also said that Simone was "getting a pass because everyone who's black currently is", and they said it was the "same as George Floyd" because people "overlooked his criminal past to push the BLM message". They also said that "society is encouraging you to be a victim by praising her for withdrawing", and they even said that Serena Williams got a "pass for her meltdowns because she's black" and even called her a "bad role-model". They also said that the phrase mental health is "being thrown around like the girls who claim Me Too" because they think that the victims are at fault, and talking to them was like talking to a brick wall no matter what I refuted. For future context, mom's black and dad is hispanic

I was not aware of their stance on Simone until they called, but I knew their stance on BLM and even talked to my sister in the past about how it was wrong during 2020 especially. I just didn't expect them to rope their rant about Simone into it, and they said I wasn't allowed to see her anymore because I "should've known better" before purchasing the tickets. My sister also hasn't answered her phone since I spoke to them, and I fully believe that they are responsible for it. I just need advice on how to fix this situation because I feel like they're serious about not letting me see her anymore, and I'm open to anything to fix this situation

Update: March 21st, 2022

As of writing, I'm currently on a break from school to focus more on work, but I plan to go back soon to finish my bachelors. I also haven't been able to see my sister since my last update where my parents said they didn't want me around her anymore, and that included taking her to church too. I was really hard on myself for giving the tickets because I felt it ruined everything we had, but I've since found a therapist who's been really helpful, and she is the reason I'm updating. I was very sheltered growing up because of homeschooling, but talking to her has really been eye-opening too

My therapist helped me realize my mistake in going back to church in high school for the reasons that I did; the breakup with my high school ex that had me really down, and because I felt guilty for my parents being strict on my sister as a result of me getting a girlfriend. I convinced myself that I could make her life easier by returning to church and getting to drive her (to youth) that gave us time to talk in the car away from my parents (about many of their harmful views), but my therapist said that my parents never eased up; they simply dangled privileges because their love was conditional and based on church. She also said that they were a ticking time bomb because their end goal was probably to get me to return to church more than just Wednesday Bible study, but me buying the tickets was probably their last straw

She said that my parent's treatment of my sister was not my fault, but solely theirs because I was in high school and that I felt the need to take it on myself. I'm trying to do better while continuing with my therapist, and we established that I'll no longer keep any communication with my parents. In regards to my sister, she said she could probably find ways to reach me if she truly wanted to someday (from friends who know me or when she gets her own devices someday). My therapist also told me not to beat myself up because until meeting her, I barely had any outside opinions that could give advice (I knew people at my job in high school, but we weren't close except for my ex, and I was introverted in college too). She also said that religious people can be really conditional in their love and especially in the case of really religious parents, and talking to her has taught me so much that I never knew from being homeschooled. I believe I'll hear from her again someday, but my therapist is suggesting working on myself at the moment and trying to be stable enough to be able to give her a place one day potentially since my parents won't let her work, and that's pretty much my only goal right now

I am not OOP

Original: https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16185s9/im20_purchased_my_sisterf13_tickets_to_simone/

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/No-Idea4550 on Reddit

AITA for taking my agoraphobic son out of the house?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: controlling behavior

Original Post June 22, 2023

I have seen some people post some stories here so I decided to make an account and look for an outside perspective:

I(31F) have a son(15M) that I gave birth to at 16. It was a dumb mistake and it gave me a bunch of struggles but I don't regret it now.

My son is agoraphobc and only gets out of the house to go to school. He has been on summer break for the past week but he didn't go to school in his last week so he had been insiide for the past about 2 weeks.

I made a habbit that whenever I walk my dog I ask him if he wants to come and he has denied me for the past 2 weeks. He doesn't come most of the time but usualy does so about once a week.

Today when I was getting ready he came up to me and asked if he could come with us and of course I said yes.

On the other hand, my boyfriend(34M) has a big problem with this for whatever reason.

Sometimes my son get overstimulated and decides that he doesn't was to go a few minutes into our walk so we just cut it short and today was 1 of these days.

My boyfriend asked why we were back so early and I said that son didn't feel comfortable so we came back and he flipped out on me, saying that is my fault and that I told him to get out so much that he felt pressed to come with me when he clearly didn't want to.

I don't know what to think. I don't see what I did as wrong, I only asked if he wanted to come with me, never told him to. Did I do something wrong here?

EDIT: for the people asking/telling me to put my son in therapy: he is and has been for the past few months.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Travelcat67

Info: is your son being treated for his agoraphobia?

OOP replied

Yes, he goes to a terapist about it and I'm also trying to get him more comfortable with coming out of the house by trying to take him with me.

StAlvis

INFO What strategies has your son's psychologist advised for dealing with this disorder?

OOP replied

I had to ask him to make sure I get everything right bet here you go:

• going on walks and trying to make all of them a bit longer than the last one.
• breathing exercises to help with his panick attacks and learning how to control them.
• playing outside/ on the balcony(context: plays guitar and his room has a balcony).

Along a few other things that I don't know over the top of my head.

Update Aug 20, 2023

Hello everyone, I will start off by thanking you for all the comments on my last post, due to some problems in the relationship with my boyfriend I sometimes had a hard time realising when I was in the wrong or when I didn't do anything bad, as for the case in my previous post.

I broke up with him over a month ago, partially thanks to the comments that made me pay more attention to him and realize how manipulative he was and a heated argument he had with my son while I was walking the dog. I could stand a lot from him and regret how many times I told myself to suck it up when he'd say something to me but always drew the line at my kid. It didn't happen before but it does not need to happen more than once for him to make a habit out of it so I put it to a stop as I felt like it was the safest way.

Regarding my son, he is doing good now and thanks to his therapist he has been getting better. He got his diagnosis in January and this Thursday he broke his record for our longest walk since, almost three hours. He also started getting out without me, thanks to one of his friends whom he met on a game about a year ago who recently moved to our city, I met him and his parents and they seem like amazing people so we did hand out at each other's houses since.

We do still have a lot to work on but I am happy to say that things are getting much better.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Arcadia7235

Do you think it's a coincidence that your son is now progressing mentally now that the boyfriend is gone?

OOP replied

Personally I think is mostly terapy, as he was progressing even with my boyfriend around but I won't say is out of the quiestion. I didn't catch it before and and I asked him(both then and some time later) if he's sure it was the first time and he said yes.

Now truth is that they had arguments before but not anything very serious as far as I am aware yet the case for this post is a physical fight but I was not allowed to say it in the post due to the subs rules being zero violence and updates are checked by admins before being posted so I was told to remove it.

THIS IS A REPOST - I AM NOT THE OOP

Original: https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/162fysg/aita_for_taking_my_agoraphobic_son_out_of_the/

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_overweight in r/relationship_advice

trigger warning:

mood spoiler:

I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (30F) because of her weight - 7 June 2021

Alright before I get called an asshole let me explain. I love my wife, I think she’s incredibly beautiful and even more so after she gave birth to our son 3 years ago.

The problem is that she put on a good amount of baby weight (Obviously) and never lost it. She instead started to gain more weight and was overall pretty depressed. I initially assumed it was PPD and suggested she go to therapy for it. She went to therapy and got some anti-depressants, it took her a while find the right ones, and she’s been fine mentally since she found them.

Physically is a different story however. She has continued over the past 3 years to gain weight. The problem isn’t anymore that i’m not attracted to her, But she will die if she continues to gain weight. She is currently 5’2 about 260 pounds with a BMI close to 50

I don’t know what I can do, I feel like i’ve tried everything. I’ve asked her to go to the gym with me, go on a diet with me, Not buy fast food, have some active hobbies. She’s turned down every single one of these ideas.

I feel like I don’t have any choice but to give her an ultimatum. Either she genuinely tries to lose the weight or I leave. I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself . I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice. I guess I just wanted to ask if i’m being an asshole or if theres any other way I could go about this.

Edit:

For everyone in the comments telling me you can be overweight and healthy, your right. But No, you can not be Obese and healthy, at least not long term. Heart disease runs in my wife’s family and while your weight might not effect you, being overweight is directly linked to heart disease. I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together, It’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.

Update: I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (31F) because of her weight - 27 October 2021

So I made a post about 5 months ago because I was getting pass the point of no return with my wife’s weight. Now Expectedly I got called an asshole and a dickhead and every other name under the book for evening mentioning it. But I also got some real good feedback and decided before I made any real decision I would sit her down and let her know how I was truly feeling. Because at that point we had, had multiple conversations addressing it but none of them lead anywhere.

So after we put my son to sleep I asked my wife If we could talk for a moment in the kitchen. Now i’m not gonna lie the conversation was probably the hardest one i’ve ever had. Because despite what everyone believed I do love my wife. Now I don’t want to get into every detail but the basis of the conversation was that I needed her to at least try and be healthier. I also think she needed to hear how serious I was about this and when I told her I was even thinking about separating I think it really put the nail in the coffin.

It’s been about 5 months since then and i’m proud to say my wife has lost 35 fucking lbs. I am so proud of her it’s fucking ridiculous. The first month was a fucking hurdle and a half but now she’s going steady and losing weight at a healthy moderate rate. Recently she even started to exercise with me. In the morning I usually jog, but since her knees are somewhat shot 3 days a week we go walk a mile or two, together and either talk or just listen to music together. I know it sounds corny to say but she even seems happier and her confidence is coming back as well.

Well this was my little update and I wanted to finish it with thanking anyone who actually gave me advice on my first post.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by furtopt in r/legaladvice. Do not contact OP or comment or vote in the linked threads, that is against legaladvice's rules and more generally quite rude.

trigger warnings:

mood spoilers:

husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help? - Sun Mar 27 01:21:57 2022 UTC

husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help?

I'm completely dependent on my husband. He sees all my movement. I'm pretty sure he planted one of those apple tags in my car.

He is very violent. I've called the police. They didn't do anything even when I had two black eyes.

I have no family. Am estranged of all y friends.

I think he's gonna kill me.

Help.

Ohio.

**[Update] Husband is physically abusive. He is a cop. I can't escape. Help?** - Mon Jun 20 18:22:58 2022 UTC

Hello all,

First of all... I am alive!

Second of all... thank you all so much.

In my first post I was really really scared because I thought my husband might kill me.

I'm glad to say I made it out.

After the threat I got new motivation and energy to go out. I made a little emergency bag and hid it in the laundry room under the dirty pile.

I started keeping petty cash from my shopping trips.

With the petty cash I bought a very cheap pre paid phone that I used to call a woman's shelter. They helped me make a plan and got me out of there.

That was by far the scariest night of my life. I left when I knew my husband had night shift. I was so scared that he somehow found out what I was planning and was hiding out to catch me.

I had been very careful too. I was sweet to him. Acted as if he had broken me successfully. Acted on his every wish. It was very painful.

But that night at 3 am I finally escaped with my little bag. I left behind my phone. That same day I had sold my laptop. I told my husband that I wanted to put some cash forward to his gaming PC so he wouldn't mind.

I got an old tablet with Sim function for very cheap too. So that I had the rest of the 500 bucks of my laptop sale for me.

I left the car behind and everything left the house and just ran till I arrived at a McDonald's and from there ordered an Uber to the pick up place.

As soon as I arrived they helped me close everything that could be closed (email, cashapp, my bank account etc etc). And they helped me get an amazing lawyer.

So right now I am in the shelter alive and well. I finally managed to get a TRO till the divorce hearing. My lawyer is realistic with the case.

But everything that matters is that I am no longer scared of going to sleep at night and never waking up.

Thank you so much!

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAcrib in r/relationship_advice

trigger warnings:

This was previously posted here over a year ago.

My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one - 23/08/21

I (31M) and my wife (29F) had a baby last December. It was a traumatic birth and my wife developed postpartum depression. While she was originally going to go back to work after the birth, she's been struggling enough that we decided to wait until our daughter was a year old and reassess. She has been going to therapy weekly. With my wife home full time, I've had to work increased hours. This is something we discussed prior to making this decision and she knew this from the start.

A few weeks ago, my boss approached me about a project that would require a lot of overtime in a short amount of time. It would both be great financially and for my career. I talked to my wife about it and she agreed that I should say yes to my boss. For the four weeks I'd be working on this, my MIL and her best friend, Jessie (29F, name changed) would come help out with some of the duties that I typically do.

Jessie is a SAHM with a four year-old and a two year-old. She began coming over during the day and would watch the kids with my wife.

Three weeks into the project, it became clear that we'd need a few more weeks to get it together. I went home that night and talked to my wife about it. She said she was okay with it, but got very cold in the days after. It wasn't unusual behavior over the past few months, so I didn't think much about it and tried not to take it personally.

During the last week of the project, I got home one night and saw that Jessie was still at the house. I didn't think much about it, said hi to her and my wife, and then went to go check on our daughter. Before I could get to her room, I heard Jessie say something along the lines of, "He doesn't even stop to greet you. Definitely a sign."

I turned around and asked what it was a sign of. Immediately, my wife started crying and Jessie started accusing me of having an affair. She told me that I must hate my wife because she has PPD and am not attracted to her because she gained weight from the pregnancy. Neither of these things are true. I'm trying my best to help my wife through her PPD while supporting our family. And I think she looks great how she is right now, she just hasn't wanted to have sex and I haven't pushed.

Jessie then demanded to see my phone. I told her no. She told me that's a sign that I'm guilty. I told my wife that I would let her see my phone if she wanted to. She nodded and something inside me broke. I guess it was the thought that she actually believed I was having an affair really got to me. And that she didn't trust me after everything we've been through.

Well, she looked through the phone and there was no evidence. Jessie started saying that I deleted the evidence. She started screaming and woke up our daughter, so I told her to get out of the house. Eventually, she left and I went to calm our daughter since my wife was still on the couch crying.

When my daughter was asleep again, I sat down by my wife and tried to talk to her about what's been happening. She told me that she's been worried ever since I started working all the overtime. I told her that we'd talked about how good of an opportunity it was and she agreed to letting me take on this project. She said it was very suspicious to increase the length of the project. I told her that sometimes that happens. She wanted more evidence, so I showed her messages and emails with timestamps from work and paystubs showing the OT. She said she believed me and was sorry for doubting me, it was just that Jessie had been telling her that these were all signs that I was cheating. I asked her why she believed Jessie more than me, and why she didn't come to me with her concerns. She didn't have a real answer.

It's been a couple weeks and the project is over. I actually scaled back and am trying to work a little less than I was before the project so I can spend more time with my wife and daughter. But I feel so burnt out trying to do everything and becoming resentful because in the back of my mind, I know that my wife doesn't trust me. I ask myself, what happens the next time I have a project? Or I have to run errands one day? Or if I have a business trip? Am I going to come back every time to accusations that I'm cheating?

I've tried bringing it up a couple times but my wife tells me it's not the time and that she's tired or sad. I try to be mindful of her feelings but I wonder if that means that I can never have any of my own.

I'm not sure what to do here. Any advice for how I can move forward?

Update: My wife and her best friend accused me of having an affair, then got angry when I didn't have one - 27/08/21

Thank you to everyone for all of the advice and support on my previous post. I think a lot of you pointed out what should have been obvious, that I need to get a therapist and start looking after my own mental health. A couple people asked for an update, so I'm giving one, but it's not happy.

That night I approached my wife and told her that I was going to find a therapist. I didn't connect it to her accusations or anything, just said that I was having a tough time and needed therapy. She shrugged and told me to do whatever.

Next day, I got home from work and our room and my home office were ripped apart. Things everywhere. Important papers scattered. I don't see her but our daughter's in her room crying... My wife left her alone, her cell phone's off. I call my in-laws and a few friends, but no one's seen her. I'm starting to get worried and I call my mom to see if she can babysit while I go out and look for her.

Before my mom can get home, my wife gets back -- Jessie's driving. Jessie doesn't come in (she hasn't been back in the house since I kicked her out because she was "offended" by my behavior) but my wife does. She's clearly upset, been crying. I ask what happened. I thought at first the house might have been robbed. She starts screaming at me that I'm being unfaithful and that the therapy is a front so I can meet my mistress. I try to calm her down and tell her that's not true, but she came at me and she hit me. My nose is broken.

She kind of realized what she did and sat down on the couch and went comatose, just stared at the wall. I went into my daughter's room and locked the door. Called my mom to tell her what happened (she was already on her way) and my MIL to ask her to come over and take care of my wife. I packed a bag for my daughter and when my mom got there, we left. My wife didn't even look up. We dropped my daughter off with my dad and then went to urgent care for my nose. I got blood all over my mom's new Subaru.

My daughter and I are staying with my parents for a while and my wife's staying with hers. I am looking into getting a restraining order against Jessie.

My wife and I are separating. I love her but I won't live with someone who hurts me and who could potentially hurt our daughter. I am not going forward with a divorce yet, with the hopes that my wife will get the treatment she needs and we can work things out. My in-laws told me that they're looking at in-patient treatment at a local hospital. But I also have everything well documented in case of an eventual custody battle.

My heart's broken because I know this isn't my wife, this is a sickness in her mind. But I need to keep myself and our daughter safe and give her the space to recover. I'm hoping that this is the right decision.

Thanks again everyone.

Edit: Thank you all for your feedback. I've talked to my parents after reading your comments and came to the conclusion that for my daughter's protection, I need to file a police report. I am headed to the station now.

Do I let the woman I fault with my wife's death let her speak at her funeral? - 01/09/21

TL;DR: A woman fed lies to my wife, suffering from postpartum depression, that led to a mental breakdown and her death. She now wants to speak at my wife's funeral. Denying her would start trouble, which I'm not sure would be worth it.

There's more context for this situation in my post history.

My wife passed on early Monday morning. Convinced by her friend Jessie that I was having an affair that I did not have, she had a mental break, which resulted in my taking our infant daughter and staying with my parents for a while. She was with her parents, who planned on taking her to the hospital for in-patient treatment on Monday.

On Sunday night she came to my parents' house and demanded I give her our daughter. Because she had left her alone for several hours the last time she was responsible for her and had gotten physical with me, I refused. I offered to let her come in and spend time with her while my parents and I were present, but she didn't want to come in and wanted to take our daughter with her. She was upset but left eventually. A few hours later, she drove her parents' car into a tree and died.

The friend, Jessie, came to see my daughter and me yesterday. After some tears, she told me that she was planning to speak at my wife's funeral. She had already cleared it with my in-laws but was letting me know as a courtesy. I told her she would not be speaking at the funeral. We fought and she left after telling me that I was an asshole and not the only person who loved my wife.

I talked to my in-laws who are adamant that Jessie be allowed to speak. She and my wife knew each other since they were kids and my in-laws are close to her. We're all very fragile right now and I fear that pushing this further would hurt my relationship with my in-laws, which I don't want. Still, the thought of seeing Jessie up there at my wife's funeral makes me feel sick. I don't think I can stand to listen to her, knowing that she took joy in my wife's deteriorating mental health and picked up my wife, leaving my daughter home alone.

That being said, I don't trust myself to make the best decisions right now. My mind's clouded by grief, guilt, and fear. My parents are split on what to do and I don't have the energy to reach out to my friends. So I'm coming here again to ask for your advice.

Thank you.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/liberalfilmnerd76 in r/advice

I want to start calling my adoptive mom “mom” instead of her name - 30 November 2022

My bio parents put me (15m) up for adoption when I was born so I was always in foster homes until I was twelve. I had a teacher Janice (33f) who was my home room teacher.

Janice found out about me being a foster kid and how I wished I had a family. Janice had also been a foster kid growing up and so long story short she then became my foster mom and adopted me.

Janice is the best mom I could have ever asked for. She has been so unbelievably kind and loving to me and I absolutely adore her. The problem is that I don’t call her mom, I just call her Janice. I want to start calling her mom but have no idea how to without making it awkward. Please help me internet strangers.

Update:

So….. was not expecting this big of a response. Thank all of you for responding and some of the ideas made me really tear up. Anyways this morning I went to Janice and I said “good morning mom” she just looked at me and started crying then came over and hugged me and kissed my forehead. I hugged her back and she said I could call her whatever made me comfortable and that she loves me more than anything. I just replied with “I love you mom”.

So yeah hope this update makes someone’s day because it certainly made mine. Have a great day.

Also made a typo I’m 15 not 16 lol

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaydoc9817 in r/TrueOffMyChest

—

I am leaving my wife tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier posted 1 day ago

I (45m) and my wife (44f) have been married for 10 years. We dated for 6 years before that and I got a lot of pressure to get married from my parents, her parents, her… something in my gut said that this wasn’t right. I called it cold feet and did my best to ignore it. We got married.

Pretty much the moment the ink was dry on our marriage license, things went south. On our honeymoon, she did nothing but complain I hadn’t booked a nicer hotel. In the following months she wanted a new apartment, a new car, gifts, jewelry, handbags. It was never enough. It’s like the moment she got the ring, it stopped being about me and became about what I could give her. I am a doctor. I make good money. Not good enough to support the kind of lifestyle she wants though.

We don’t have sex anymore. We don’t laugh. We don’t talk about anything but money. We have no kids (she said she wanted them before marriage then changed her mind), our home looks like a showroom, there is no warmth or joy or even comfort here. I hate it. I hate her. I am a 45 year old physician and I have barely enough savings to sustain us for 3 months. I want to retire someday, I want to enjoy my life.

I rented a cool apartment across town, in a “less desirable” neighborhood and there’s a stack of ikea furniture waiting for me to set it up there. The lease is up on the Mercedes my wife pushed me to lease next month and I will be replacing it with a used Prius. I’m starting therapy next week. I have a divorce attorney who has assured me that the prenup we signed before marriage means I won’t have to pay alimony. I hope to leave the higher-paying job that my wife insisted I take for something with less hours, sometime in the next year. I am going to ask out the pretty barista who flirts with me every morning.

I’m telling her first thing tomorrow. I’m expecting her to cry and beg and demand we try therapy. I don’t want any of that. This was never right, and I’m only sorry it took me so long to realize it. I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much of my life being married to a woman because I thought it was the right thing.

I am so excited.

Update (tried to post separately but it was taken down) posted today

First of all… damn. I didn’t expect the first post to blow up. I really was “getting it off my chest” and expected a few “good luck” comments and not much more. I know a lot of people were asking for an update so here goes:

Usually when I wake up, I go for a run or a bike ride. While I’m gone my wife gets up, gets dressed, gets a smoothie going… whatever. This morning I paced the kitchen, rehearsing what I had to tell her over and over again. When she finally came down, I felt oddly calm? I wasn’t expecting to be panicked exactly, but apprehensive at least?

I told her I needed to speak to her. She gave me an “uh huh” and didn’t look up from the coffee machine. Then I just came out with it. I told her I was leaving and that I wanted a divorce. That we hadn’t been happy in a long time and I felt as though she didn’t care about me or my emotional needs.

Pretty much instantly, the gaslighting began. She cried that I never get her flowers anymore, that I don’t do enough to support her, that I don’t care if she’s happy. I brought up the fact that I suggested therapy over a year ago and she agreed, but then made excuse after excuse not to go. I brought up the times she completely ignored the budget we worked on. I told her how it made me feel when she dismissed me when I tried to tell her how I was feeling.

The crying escalated then, along with begging for a chance to make this right, to go to therapy, that she would be better. It went like I thought it would go, and I felt absolutely nothing. I don’t care anymore. Whatever I once felt for her is just dead and gone, and she might as well have been a second cousin sobbing about her marriage for all the connection I felt to it. Eventually I just got fed up and walked out. She has been blowing up my phone with calls and texts which range from angry to begging to threatening. I started getting calls from her mother and mine too but the end of the day. I spoke briefly to my mother and calmly explained that I was sorry she didn’t hear it from me, but my wife was sucking me dry financially and emotionally and I couldn’t do it anymore. She was surprisingly supportive.

I’m currently in my new apartment. I unrolled the mattress-in-a-box and went to Walmart for sheets. I ate Thai takeout for dinner at the kitchen counter and watched a bit of Netflix on my computer. I have everything I need for the next few days. My wife is getting served tomorrow.

I keep expecting the sadness to set in but it hasn’t. I feel like a thousand pounds are off my shoulders and suddenly my future is full of possibilities. I’m going to travel, I’m going to try new restaurants, I’m going to take a job that actually makes me happy and proud instead of rich. Much to the internet’s chagrin, I will ask out the barista, because despite unpopular opinion she is both age appropriate (it’s her family’s business) and I do have the interpersonal skills to recognize the difference between customer service and actual connection.

Cheers, everyone. I’m going to have a beer and then take a walk around my new neighborhood.

Reminder- I am not the original poster.

Note: because a lot of people are commenting on “asking the barista out” thing, I will paste comment OP made about that:

Alright, folks. I’ve gotten a lot of comments begging me not to ask out the barista as it’s her job to be nice to me. I didn’t really get into the relationship I have with her because I didn’t think it was relevant to the divorce, but here goes:

I met her about a year ago. She’s 30. I don’t usually wear a wedding ring because my job requires me to scrub regularly. She actually asked me out (invited me to a food truck festival in town) a few months into knowing each other. I said I was married and she was embarrassed. Since then, we’ve had a bit of a running joke going where she asks me “so, still married?”. My current plan is to reply “not for long” and see what happens.

I appreciate the internet’s apprehension (in truth I would probably say the same thing if I didn’t know the back story) but I promise I’m not a creep

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/One-Fudge3629 on r/JUSTNOMIL.

—

ORIGINAL POST

Just found this subreddit and HAD to share this story. My husband (43m) and I (31f) have been married for 3 years, together for 6. Obviously there is an age gap between my husband and I, which has never been an issue for us. My MIL however, has always greatly disapproved and likes to talk to me like I am a rebellious teenager instead of her son’s life partner. A big issue for her is the fact that I have tattoos.

I love all my tattoos, they are well done and a huge part of my identity. I can’t imagine myself without them and my husband loves how they look on me. MIL made a few comments while we were dating but my husband told her privately to drop it.

3 years ago, my husband and I hosted our families for my birthday dinner. It was our first big get-together after getting married and everyone was nice enough to bring me a gift. I was going to open them after everyone left but MiL handed me an envelope at the dinner table and insisted I open it immediately.

Inside was a card and a gift certificate to a local tattoo removal business for $500. I was confused and asked her what this was for. She said that since I was a married woman now and planning to have kids, she assumed I would want my tattoos removed. Both my husband and I were kind of taken aback and stunned. I half heartedly thanked her and the party continued. Later, my husband called her and told her off. He insisted she take it back and get her money back. She absolutely refused and insisted I would want it someday.

3 years later, her $500 is sitting in my kitchen junk drawer and I’ve added 3 more tattoos to the collection haha

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the great suggestions on what to do with the gift certificate. I actually have a friend who is the director of a restorative justice organization. I asked her if she had any clients with hate symbols they would like removed and it turns out she works with a guy who has a swastika on his arm that he hides every day because he is so ashamed. This is particularly significant and powerful for me because I’m Jewish. Anyway, I am dropping it off today and I’m really pleased that something that started as a disrespectful slight from my mother in law turned into this. Thank you Reddit!

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

Original by u/DeadDrone999 in r/legaladvice

Not sure what to do. Earlier today my neighbor came pounding on my door screaming obscenities and shouting at me. When I finally got him to stop yelling I found out that he was flying his drone in my backyard again and this time my dog finally managed to catch it and destroy it. He claims this was a $900 drone and I had to pay him right then and there. I refused and closed the door in his face. A couple hours later police showed up to retrieve the drone; it was still in my yard, but my dog completely ignored it once it stopped buzzing; and ask about the situation. The said neighbor called them stating that I refused him access to my yard to get it. That's not true, he never asked.

I'm worried the neighbor will try to press charges against me for destruction of property or sue me. Will he have any legal standing if this does go to court?

He has a history of flying his drone low over my yard to tease my dog. I have asked him to stop several times, which he always refuses telling me that I don't own the air above my yard. I have called the police to complain once before, he was doing "fly bys" over my dog and getting very close to hitting him. The police didn't say he couldn't fly it in my yard but did ask him to stop doing so in order to avoid conflict. That only seemed to egg him on.

Update

A small update to my neighbor flying his drone in my backyard and attacking my dog:

I was served a summons by a Sheriff's Deputy, neighbor decided to take me to Small Claims over his drone. My MIL is a paralegal secretary, so I was able to get a free consultation with a lawyer where she works to ask some questions about what to bring and how to prepare. He seemed genuinely amused that my neighbor was even trying to sue. He also suggested I counter sue and how I could possibly add in more damages.

He also told me that my neighbor and I technically live within 5 miles of an airport, and even though it doesn't have a tower technically that falls under FAA regulations. I called the hotline from google and spoke to them about my neighbor's hobby of flying out of line of sight, flying several thousand feet in the air, flying near an airport and made an inquiry into if he was registered to fly drones, saying he owned two very large drones (he already bought a new one, this one is almost 5' across). I don't know the weight of his, but it definitely is at least a few pounds. They took my information and have called me back once, so I know they're investigating but don't know anything else. Not sure if they'll tell me anything anyways.

I brought both police reports to court, as well as several photos of my backyard, photos of our shared 8' high privacy fence, medical bills for my dog, and a few short videos I had of him doing fly bys over my dog in the past. His main argument to the judge was that I "maliciously installed a table to allow my dog to jump high enough to catch his drone, which I (somehow) trained him to do". Which, yes I had recently bought a new picnic table, but only so I have somewhere to sit and eat outside. I argued that his flying was causing my dog anxiety and that's what provoked it, and thanks to y'alls advice, that my dog could have potentially died from ingesting part of the drone or if the drone hit him. In the end, he now has to pay me just under $2,000 for various vet bills (xrays, dental exams, sedation, medication etc). He is also banned from flying over my property, and I installed trail cams front and back yards just in case. He seems pretty upset with me, so I wanted to be careful.

The only thing that could make this better is if the FAA finds a reason to fine him or take away his drones.

Editor's note: Found this dog tax while going through OOP's comments.

Reminder: I am not the original OP.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am not OP.

Posted by u/throwramotherwdid on r/relationship_advice

Original - October 20, 2021

TLDR; I'm married to my former boss. Parents did not take the marriage as well as I'd hoped and ignored me for 5 years, only to reach out when they saw a 5th anniversary facebook post that mentioned our kids. Do I let them back in, or do I ignore them?

My husband (30m) used to be my boss. About 9 years ago I started working as his assistant. We spent about 2.5 years ignoring our mutual attraction until we gave in. We then went to HR, who reassigned me, and the whole thing was strictly above board from the time we began dating. I got pregnant about a year later, and my husband and I decided to just get married. While we'd only really been dating for about 1.5 years, we knew each other completely, loved each other, lived together, and there was a baby on the way. We knew how it would look, but I had to leave the company anyway due to problems with my new boss, so we didn't anticipate this causing any issues, except with my parents.

They (62m/57f) have always been overprotective, so I knew they wouldn't like me dating my boss, and hadn't told them, but I had to tell them if I wanted them at my wedding. We decided to be mostly honest with them, about how it was strictly professional until it wasn't, how the second it got unprofessional we went to HR, how he had never taken advantage of me, but now we wanted to get married and we wanted them there. We did not mention the baby, because I felt that giving them that information in addition to the rest all at once would just break them. I was only about 4 months along when the wedding happened, so the bump was easily hidden by a flowy dress.

The wedding itself went off without a hitch, and apart from my mother pulling me into the bathroom shortly before the ceremony to ask if I was sure about this, which I said I was, my parents seemed to take it well. The ceremony and reception were at 2 different venues, and we had to travel from one to the other, and my parents never arrived at the reception. I called them and got ignored, and then my brother called them and they told him that they were going home. I don't remember the exact reason they gave but it amounted to them being tired and uncomfortable. I tried contacting them after the wedding, but found that I was blocked on everything except email, which I used to send them a long letter essentially saying that I'm an adult who made an adult choice and I hope they can respect that.

5 years later, I have not heard from my parents since my wedding. My husband and I are not big on social media in general but I recently posted something for our 5th anniversary in which I mentioned our 2 kids and third on the way. Within a month of making this post, my parents left a voicemail saying they saw the post, and, having had no idea that they had grandchildren previously, now want to meet them. I haven't responded and there have been a few follow ups since then asking why I haven't.

I don't know what to do, but my gut instinct is that 5 years is too long, and it's about the kids, not about them respecting my choices or relationship. However, I can't help but feel that I'm being unfair, and my brother agrees, because I told them in my email that if they could learn to respect my choice and my marriage eventually, then we could talk, and now I'm retroactively applying a time limit.

Edit: can't find a way to work this in organically but my husband is not white. I am, as are my parents. I don't think this is a race thing or that my parents are racist, and neither does my husband, and we don't understand why they would want to meet our mixed race children if they were racist, but this element is still gnawing at me.

Should I reach out to them? If I did, how would we go about rebuilding the relationship?

Update - October 22, 2021

TLDR; They're racists.

I asked to talk yesterday. We were on zoom within an hour. It was my parents and me and my husband. They asked to see the kids, and I said they could see them eventually, dependant on them earning our trust and convincing us they were going to be positive additions to the kids' lives.

They asked to start by reading me a letter that they claimed to have written on my wedding day. It said that they were uncomfortable with me marrying my former boss as they thought he took advantage of me, so they left between the wedding and reception to avoid a scene, but they wanted me to know they were here for me despite their issues with him. They added that they would have sent this to me the morning after my wedding, but then I sent my email about them needing to respect my choices, and they were so ashamed they couldn't bring themselves to send theirs. Seeing my anniversary post made them realise how much they've missed in 5 years and they really don't want to miss any more.

I had some questions, like what the big deal was with me marrying my former boss, and they said that it just wasn't what they had in mind for my wedding day and my future spouse. I asked why they even came to the wedding at all if they didn't support the marriage, and my dad responded that he wanted to walk his daughter down the aisle as it was the only chance he'd get. The way it was phrased implied that they had intentionally only come to the wedding so he could give me away, and always planned to leave halfway, and because he said "my daughter", and didn't talk to me directly, it was pretty clear he was thinking about my older sister, who passed away. My husband caught that, too, and said that if they were talking about me, they should address me directly, then added that if they had planned to leave they should have told us as we wouldn't have invited them, and the fact they waited 5 years to reach out was going to take more reasons than shame as, as a father, he didn't understand how they could ignore their daughter for years, or only get back in touch when we had kids.

My dad snapped that he wasn't going to take this from a "cushi", a slur meaning dark skinned. My mother immediately tried to run damage control but I ended the call. They have since messaged me several times trying to explain that calling my husband a racial slur wasn't indicative of a racist attitude, and he wouldn't have said that in front of the kids, so they should still get to meet them.

I've spent 5 years wondering how they were so offended by me marrying my boss that it earned no contact for half a decade. Turns out they're just racist. It's almost nice to find out. If it was just the boss thing I would have sympathy for them and we might even be able to reconcile, but with this, it's now just a question of if I'm going to knowingly expose my mixed race children to a couple of racists, which I am obviously not going to do.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

ORIGINAL by u/haicrii

I (29F) moved to the US 7 years ago as a grad school student from Indonesia. I met my boyfriend (30M) a few months after I moved and we've been together ever since. My boyfriend is a US citizen.

After I graduated, we had a serious discussion about where our relationship was headed. I made it very clear that I wanted to eventually get married and have children. My bf echoed the sentiments. I remember asking him if he saw that happening with me because I didn't want to be in a relationship with no future. He told me he loved me, and that we were definitely headed in that direction.

As of last week, we've been dating for 7 years. We've occasionally talked about marriage, but we were both busy with our respective careers, so the timing didn't seem quite right. However, recently my company announced that there's a chance that my department's work will be outsourced. I'm on an H1B visa (temporary worker), so this means that I need to start looking for a job ASAP if I want to continue staying in the US.

Last week, during our anniversary, I brought this up. I asked him if he thought it was the right time to think about getting married, as that will also help with sorting out my visa issues. He looked like he was about to vomit. After much prodding, he confessed that he wasn't planning on us getting married before I was able to get a green card (permanent resident) in the US. I was incredibly confused because he'd never mentioned this before. His reason was that he didn't want to be used as a "visa mule" (his words, not mine) by me and that he wanted to make sure that I married him because I loved him and not because it was a ticket to getting to stay in the US, which can only happen when I get a GC. It took me a while to process what he said, and I asked him if he'd be okay to move to Indonesia with me, which he wasn't. I did not react well and ended up leaving because I couldn't deal with what just happened.

​I am still in disbelief. I started dating him because he was the kindest, most thoughtful, and generous man I'd met. I now feel like I wasted seven years. While the visa issues are certainly a problem, I did not date him with the intention of making him my safety net. I cannot believe that even after nearly a decade together, he doesn't know what kind of person I am.

​I feel like this relationship is possibly over and it hurts. It hurts so much.

UPDATE

A few days back I made a post about how my bf of 7 years didn't want to marry me because I was an immigrant on an H1B, and he didn't want to be a visa mule.

I got a lot of wonderful comments and DMs (a few trolls too, but that's expected from Reddit haha).

Because the thread got locked and the post was subsequently removed (because I have a low-karma account), I was unable to respond to anyone. I'm posting this update to do that, plus add in some more things that have transpired since. (TL;DR at the bottom)

—

Addressing some of the stuff in the comments

• I've been on an H1B visa for a bit more than two years now. I was on STEM OPT for about three years after grad school. I had terrible luck with the H1B lottery and I got one in the last round I was eligible to apply in.
• Getting PR in the US is NOT easy. I know people who've been here for 15+ years who are still waiting for their PR.
• For those of you who DM'd me calling me a gold digger, you guys made me LOL. I am aware of the legalities around sponsoring a spouse for a PR, including the financial aspect. It shouldn't have been a problem for the following reasons:

1. I'm a STEM major who recently shifted into management. I work for a large company and I do quite well for myself. My boyfriend is a teacher and our incomes are not comparable (he earns around ~$60K, I earn close to ~$300K).
2. We've been living together for ~6 years. We have a shared account to pay for expenses like rent and utilities that we both deposit a percentage of our salary into. The rest of our money goes into our own private accounts and we don't manage each other's money.
3. Because I'm pretty frugal, I've saved up quite a bit of money in the form of savings + investments. If my boyfriend was worried about the legality of sponsoring me financially for 10+ years, I would have happily discussed moving the money around. I was even considering buying a house, so we could have made that a joint-ownership thing. The point is, we could have figured it out. I haven't relied on him financially ever, and I didn't intend on doing that in the future.
4. I might not have considered everything, but you have to note that I thought about the marriage-for-visa thing very recently, only when the threat of possibly having to leave loomed over me. This isn't something I'd thought about in detail at all.

• Regarding my situation back home in Indonesia: I come from a very religious and conservative family and had a horrible childhood. My family doesn't support my career choices. I cut contact with my family when I moved to the US, so they are not in the picture at all. I was on great terms with bf's family - they loved me. —

Now, for the actual update: He is now my ex-boyfriend

I took a few days to collect myself and then reached out to him wanting to talk. He agreed.

It turns out that he has been insecure about earning less than I did for a while. Apparently, his friends have been poking fun at our relationship, calling me the "sugar mommy" because I take care of most of the expenses. He never told me this until now. He apparently didn't feel like an equal because our pay differs so much, and started feeling that I was only with him as a quick way to get a PR here. I was speechless - I couldn't believe that his friends gaslighted him into doubting our relationship.

I reminded him how he had supported me when I was in grad school, like getting me groceries when I had little money to spare, allowing me to stay with him rent-free in my last year of grad school to help me minimize expenses so I didn't have to take out a loan, letting me use his car when I was attending interviews. I told him that he did them because he loved me and me taking on the majority of household expenses (since I started working) is my way of paying him back for all the things he did for me back then. He said that he gets what I'm saying but also that he didn't expect me to start earning more than him straight off the bat.

I asked if there was any chance he'd consider going to couple's therapy (like some of you had suggested) and he declined because he didn't think he was being unreasonable. He said that he wanted to be the "provider" in a relationship and that he didn't feel like one in ours, so there's no going back from this unless I quit my job and found another that paid substantially less, which isn't going to happen.

Well, long story short, we broke up. His family is in disbelief (they were hoping that he would propose soon). I've moved into an airbnb for now.

—

A little bit of good news to end this update with:

My company offered me a similar role in a different department. However, this is based out of France, and there's a small decrease in pay. I've always dreamed about living in Europe and I've accepted this offer. I've signed the relocation agreement, and I'll move there in the next 8-12 weeks.

—

TL;DR:

Boyfriend was insecure about earning less than me. Boyfriend has now become ex-boyfriend.

Company offered a new job in France. Leaving US in 2-3 months to start a new life in France.

Allons-y!

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

TW:

Original by u/ThrowRA-doistink in r/relationshipadvice

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and everything has been great except for one thing. Every single day, at least once, he will tell me that I stink and smell of b.o( body odour).

When we met I showered every day, applied regular deodorant in the morning, brushed my teeth three times a day. Now I am so paranoid about smelling bad that I shower at least twice a day, I apply new industrial strength deodorant every few hours (I have a reminder on my phone), perfume, and I brush my teeth anytime I eat or drink something that isn’t water.

I feel like I’m going crazy. I didn’t think I smelled bad in the beginning and I don’t think I smell bad now but I obviously smell bad to him right? Im that weirdo that keeps “sneakily” smelling their own armpits. I have been to the doctor and he has said there is nothing medically wrong. It has honestly gotten to the point where I literally shove my arm pit in friends and families faces asking if I smell bad, they all say I don’t smell like b.o. at all, one friend even said I smelled too clean like a lush store.

I am getting so paranoid. He won’t cuddle or anything when he says I smell. I really don’t know what more I can do?

Update - so unexpected edit. I waited for him to make a comment this morning so I could talk to him. It was less than an hour after waking up that he said “god you stink” I had already showered and put on deodorant. I snapped and asked what exactly was he smelling because, at this point I’m one of the cleanest people on the planet and if I still smell bad to him then we should just break up.

He got all panicked and upset, I eventually got out of him that this is what he father always said to his mother. Apparently his father told him that is was a sure fire technique to have a woman never leave you because “she will feel too low to cheat, will love only you, and will always be clean”.

Needless to say, his father is wrong. He’s packing his things and moving out of my house today

Reminder: I am not the Original OP.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

Reminder : I am not the OP

Original by u/throwawaymyl1fepls

Really, really shit situation.

2 months ago, my GF was raped. It was done in a park. She didn't want to report it and went into a full breakdown, wouldn't speak to police, go to hospital etc. I couldn't force her, so I just stayed with her.

She was, obviously, in a really shit state since, and I've been with her, by her side, listening to her, helping her. We went to therapy, and she knows I'm there for her. She has a history of depression, and I've been really worried.

Last week, we found out she was pregnant. I was abroad for 2 months before the rape on work, and can back early to care for her. So the baby definitely isn't mine. She is 100% sure it's the rapist's.

So we had a discussion. She is a devout Catholic. We initially decided on a abortion, but after she speak to her Mother, she has decided to keep the baby, saying that isn't the baby's fault.

I flat out told her that I would not help raise a baby of a guy who raped her. She cried and begged me not to leave. I told she is the one making the choice - either she keeps the baby and I leave, or she aborts the baby and I stay. I would not let this go.

She didn't want either of those things to happen, so I told her we were done...

I feel shit. Was i wrong?

Update 1

​

I'll post the update first, since there has been some change since I last posted. Then I'll respond to some general points made from the last thread, and the ton of PMs I received.

Yesterday, I received a call from my GF. She was crying, and she begged me to listen to her. I told her that I still care for her, and that I'll obviously listen to what she has to say.

She told me that a few days after I told her we were done, she called up her Mother to talk about this. Apparently, what happened before was that she was pretty much decided on aborting, but then when she spoke to her Mother, her mother told her that under no accounts should she abort, and that I was actually manipulating her to do so. Her Mother went on to say that if she aborted the child, she would no longer consider my gf as her daughter.

After I left her, my gf called her Mum up to talk about what went on. My GF said that she desperately wanted to abort the baby, and her Mother again said that if she does so, this is the last time they will ever speak again. My GF said she broke down on the phone, and her Mother kept asking her what she will do. The conversation then ended when my GF said she didn't know.

Then she started texting. After a few hours of thinking, my GF sent her mum a text saying she was going to abort. She was then blocked.

My GF then called me, and told me everything.

She will be having an abortion in 3 weeks.

I discussed this with my GF, and we both completely agreed that I had not manipulated her in any way, and that she appreciated that I put my foot down, because had I not, she would have had a baby who would remind her of the worst time of her life. (Her words, not mine)

She further went on to say that I am the best thing that has ever happened to her, and that she knew that even if she no longer had a Mum, if she had me, she could get through this. I broke down at this point.

I love her so much. In truth, I probably would have gone back to her and raised the baby with her, even though I knew I'd resent it. I made the original thread to get some backing rather than anything, to see if I had made the right decision.

I'm so relieved things had turned out the way they have.

Also, screw any Mother who places religion over their own child. Friggin lunatics.

Now to respond to some of your points from the last thread:

1: No. My GF did not cheat on me. I am almost certain about this. Not only because she had the conscience of a fragile angel, but also because we both know each others' schedules really well, and we often talk to friends who can corroborate timings. Moreover, her roommate took photos of my GF after she came home assaulted. It's not "rough sex" as some of you dicks put it.

2: I don't give a rat's arse if you think abortion is a sin or the killing of a baby. Come and raise the baby or give us money to raise the baby or hire us a live in maid to tend to my GFs every need while she pregnant if you're so sanctimonious. Talk the talk, then walk the walk you wanking tit-baboons.

3: My GF was absolutely clear she wanted to raise the baby (probably influenced by the Mum).

4: Thanks for all the people telling me I did the right thing. It was really difficult. I'm very glad it turned out the way it has though.

5: To the people who PM'd me telling me I'm a monstrous baby killer - I fail to see what my hobbies have to do with this issue.

Thanks Reddit.

Update 2

​

I was hoping to post here again after the abortion (still scheduled for two weeks time), but I thought I should provide an update on some recent events from a Mother from the pits of Satan's rectum.

On Saturday, I answered my door and stood face to face with two police officers. They asked me if I was who I was, and I replied I was. They then said they were looking for my GF. I called her over, and the police officer said that he needs to have a word with her.

The officers then split, one taking the GF to the living room (we let them in) and the other took me into my bedroom.

The officer who took me started asking me questions about how long GF had been here. If she had any contact with anyone else. If she had left the house at all...and a few other questions. I answered, and then asked what this was about, but the officer just said they received a report to check in on GF. I asked who reported, and the officer said he couldn't say.

After a while, the other officer was done, and they both left. The moment they left, my GF told me that she was outrightly asked if she was in danger, and if I had been hurting her. She was also asked if she was being held against her will. She said no to everything, of course. She said that the police received a call from her Mother saying she might be in danger, and that I could be abusive her.

I was fucking livid. I immediately said I was going to press charges against her - for what? I dunno. Harrassment probably?

My GF begged me to not, and said that it would all just blow over, and that she just needs time to "calm down".

Wtf? She sent police to my house to get me arrested. How is that sane thinking? I could lose my job if I was arrested and charged. What the hell is she thinking?

I told GF that if the Mother does anything like this again, I will definitely press charges. So the GF decides on Sunday to talk to the Mum to not do anything like this again.

They had a conversation for about 2 minutes, then I start hearing sobs. Immediately, I walked into the room, saw my GF was crying, still holding the phone against her ear.

I plucked he phone from her hand, and held her for a bit as I heard "hello?" From the phone. Then I put it on me, and said "you're a disgrace of a Mother" and hung up.

Then I held the GF for what felt like an hour before we started talking.

Apparently, the Mother was telling GF how if she continues with the abortion, she will never see the Mother again, or her brother, or her deceased Father (who is in heaven, even though he died a drink violent alcoholic who beat GF, but hey, repent your sins at death, amiright?) because GF would be going to damnation.

I told GF that if she was going to hell, then she should save me a seat, and we'd be nice and toasty together. I love her smile.

What do you think, if anything, should I do about the Mother? No doubt my words to her will have some reactions.

Response to some people from previous threads and PMs after thread was locked:

1 - Abortion was never an option. GF was adamant she wanted to raise the baby, influenced by her Mother. And if you suggest adoption anyway, then you truly do not understand just how taxing a normal pregnancy is, let alone one dipped in a beautiful cocktail of rape depression.

2 - You can believe my GF cheated on me if that makes you feel better about your lives, I suppose. Just FYI, the pictures and roommates report showed she had a bloodied nose, black eyes, cuts and bruises against her arms, hands and knees, torn coat and top, bruises around her neck. Cheating...right........

Edit: 3 - My GF and I are still going to therapy about all of this.

Update 3

​

I just wanted to update folk on this whole saga. This will be my final update.

A few days ago, the abortion was carried out. During the weeks beforehand, my GF went to a counsellor and talked to a nurse about why she wanted an abortion. She was also tested for any STIs (she's clear!).

She went ahead with the abortion after getting the all clear. A few days ago it was successfully carried out.

They went for the surgical abortion method, which involved using a vacuum to suck the pregnancy out. GF said it was pretty painless, and she was able to return home after just a few hours.

When she came home, she cried and cried and cried. She says she feels like a huge weight had been lifted, and she can finally look to moving on with her life.

We took the whole week of work, and yesterday we went camping (it rained). While in the tent, she talked about how difficult life was sometimes, but she was really glad things turned out the way they did, because even though things were bad, she came out the other side, probably stronger than before.

She's amazing, man. Seriously.

Update on the Mum! So my GF received a call from her Mum, who was asking if she went through with the abortion.

My GF and I have an agreement that if Mum calls, either hang up or give it to me. In this instance, she answered, didn't know what to say, and gave it to me.

I told the Mum that the abortion went perfectly, and smiled as she cursed at me for about a minute. I then said "How Jesus of you" at which point she hung up.

My GF didn't find it funny...

Anyway, that's it.

Good luck to everyone in their lives.

Also, if you're going to message and insult me via PM, just be warned: I've killed a baby before.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

This is a repost, I am not the OOP

Edit: it seems like a lot of people are finding this post and thinking I am OOP. To be clear, this is a repost and the OP is u/nodinnerinvite He has been directed to this post though and I hope he is enjoying all the love and support everyone is giving him :)

Original: Posted 5 Days ago on r/offmychest

She had me when she was FOURTEEN. And I (24M) was given up for adoption. My parents told me about her growing up. I still have the letter she wrote me that she asked if they could give it to me if they wanted.

It’s crazy reading it sometimes and knowing it was a literal child who wrote it saying she’s sorry she couldn’t be my mommy but she hopes I’m happy. She was open to having contact but we moved for my dad’s job when I was 11 and then it seemed impossible to find her.

But luckily I did.

She’s working at this small restaurant and I keep going but she doesn’t know it’s me. We talk sometimes. And she seems like a nice lady. Sometime when she says something like “do you want a refill, honey” or uses another term like that I wanna tell her. Idk why it makes me nervous. We talk sometimes and she seems really genuine. If it’s not super busy she’s more open to talking about random stuff. I literally drive 2 hours to come eat at this place just to see her. And it’s like she knows me already because I’m there once or 2 times a week for the past 3 months so she always says hi with a big smile.

But man if only she knew

Update:

Well… I did it I told her. And yeah it was pretty heavy. My heart was even beating fast. i kept trying to think how to tell her. Many of the comments on my last post here mentioned writing her a letter just how she wrote a letter for me. Originally that was the plan but for me it felt like I needed to say it.

Oh, really quick I wanna say thanks to everyone for their love and support. Mostly to all the birth parents out there who shared their stories with me. That’s what really helped push me to have the courage to confront her. It meant so much so thanks.

Everything happened day before yesterday btw.

I did wait for her to be done with her shift and that was when they were closing the restaurant already. And waited in the parking lot. We said hi when she saw me first but then I told her there was something serious that she needed to know. First told her sorry for keeping it from her this long. She didn’t react until I actually pulled out her letter.

And she started bawling from there. Like screaming and crying at the same time, and didn’t even have to finish the whole “I’m your son” speech. She just saw it and knew. It was crazy. Next thing I know she’s hugging me instantly but then she pulled back and asked if it’s okay to hug me. Ofc it is and we’re just there hugging an crying in the parking lot. It hit her hard though. Her legs gave out for a second so I had to actually hold her up while she’s still hugging me for a min.

What really got me was her saying to me look how big you got. also hearing her cry made me cry too. She went back to open the restaurant up (she wouldn’t take no for an answer) we had coffee, ate a slice of their pie inside and talked. Soooo many stuff we talked about. She told me the second time I came to the restaurant she got a feeling but for her it was hard believe it was me. So that feeling she had was pushed way down.

Because she told me for years after I was adopted she saw kids that would be my age and used to think they were me. Then she would be crying in public. It fucked with her mind a lot and made her depressed so she didn’t want to do the same when she saw me, getting her hopes up like that.

She says I look so much like my biological dad when he was younger though. We talked about him too. They stayed in contact with eachother incase I ever reached out to one of them so it would be easier to contact the other. I didn’t have hope about finding my biological dad since he was never mentioned so I’m glad they both planned for this future scenario. She told me about how they wanted to keep me. Especially my biological dad, he didn’t want me to be adopted. But he knew they had to because they were just kids. It took him a long time to get passed it after I was born she told me. That’s why he didn’t leave anything because he didn’t wanna believe he might not see me again.

We talked for hours. Til almost 2 in the morning (they closed at 11). She just wanted to know everything about me but her main thing was “am I happy”. Were my parents good to me. Did I have a happy childhood. And I did. I told her thank you for helping to give me this life. We both cried again. She cried the most. Everything was very emotional for her. Sometimes she would look really happy but then get sad again.

After my 18th birthday she was hoping I would find her that’s why she stayed in the same city. But since I didn’t she always thought maybe I resented her, wasn’t told I’m adopted, or maybe had decided it was better not to have her around. It made me feel bad for not telling her sooner. She told me it’s not my fault and I did right going at my own pace. Honestly she’s so sweet. The way she kept looking at me with the biggest smile, it made me emotional sometimes. Makes you think how can someone who’s been a total stranger ur whole life look at you with so much love. It’s wild. We learned so much about eachother. She asked me if we could have dinner soon to keep talking. And if at some point in the future if I’m interested come over to her house so I can meet her husband. That all sounded really great.

We exchanged numbers. After I left she sent a text telling me thank you for giving her this gift that she didn’t know if it would ever come.

My girlfriend came over and she hugged me while I cried. I wasn’t sad btw these were happy tears. Everything went better than I expected. There was still emotionally heavy stuff but I’m still glad that we got to open up to eachother.

Edit: update where OOP meets his father! https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/s9jdy5/met_my_biological_dad_for_the_first_time_ever_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/accountnumber496 in r/legaladvice

trigger warning:

mood spoiler:

My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it. - 13 March 2016

My daughter is nine and we share custody by alternating weeks. My daughter says her back hurts now and her arm is tingling. I have a doctors appointment for her on Monday and in the meantime I am trying to remain calm.

I confronted my ex-husband about it and all her would say was one text message where he says his new wife didn't like how my daughter slouched at the dinner table. They aren't doctors and there is nothing wrong with her that she needs a brace. I fucking want to kill both of them. Is there a way I can get a quick court date or see a judge because I don't want her going back there. When we divorced it took a long time to figure out custody.

Edit: Sorry the location is the state of Florida. I'm so mad I'm having a hard time focusing.

Update: My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it (Florida) - 12 August 2016

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for all the support in my first post and all the supportive PM's I received. It was really overwhelming (in a good way). A few people asked for an update so here it is.

So a lot has happened since I first posted. I called in to work while I was trying to get all this sorted. One of my co-workers has a cousin who is a lawyer and she knew someone who was able to help me and file the paperwork. My husband played dumb in court but his visits got reduced to supervised and he was ordered to take a parenting class.

My daughter went to physiotherapy. Eventually the court reinstated his visitation when he swore he had learned his lesson and was sorry and with his otherwise clean record the court agreed. I was against it but the court ruled against me.

I gave my daughter her own cell phone so she could call me whenever she needed to. On her second visit it happened again. This time the brace had steel and fabric instead of wood and they took her phone too. The next night she left when they weren't looking and went up the street to a neighbor who is a police officer. The neighbor called paramedics and her co-workers. They had to cut the brace off my daughter.

My husband and his wife were arrested. They got out quickly but they have been charged and their infant is with CPS. My ex lost visitation and custody and I'm working on making it permanent.

Unfortunately my daughter's shoulder was dislocated from the brace. It set back her rehab and part of her arm is still numb and tingling. She needed surgery and is still recovering. She always played sports (especially at school) and did dance but the doctor thinks she won't ever be able to lift her arm all the way up again.

I hate my ex and he'll see her again over my fucking dead body. Right now I'm focusing on my daughter while my lawyer takes care of things. That's my update.

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am not OP, original post by u/bisfitty in /r/ImGoinToHellForThis (sub is quarantined & private so using the version he posted to /r/AmA)

ORIGINAL POST- I am BisFitty, the "period appropriate" corporate costume party slave... AMAA

• OP Provides proof of his identity while in costume
• OP Provides photo updates of him and his wife at the corporate function in period-appropriate attire

Hi, I'm /u/bisfitty , the most deliveringest OP in history. As a lot of you already know, I had to attend a "corporate retreat" this weekend, that happened to take place on a southern plantation in Alabama. There was a "period appropriate" costume ball scheduled for the end of the trip, but they apparently forgot about me, their lone black employee. Hilarity ensued.

UPDATE: Currently on the phone with boss and HR... Was wondering why the call wasn't with boss and the HR chick I deal with all the time... I now know why I am dealing with the HEAD of HR, and not the usual chick, lol Normal HR chick is the person I expected to hear from. Wasn't her because THE DAMN PARTY WAS HER DUMBASS IDEA! She has been canned, I have been promoted, with a disproportionate raise, and better bennies benefits, but I have been ASSURED that this has nothing to do with anything that happened on the retreat, and just happens to be coinciding with HRAsstDir canning. So remember kids, correlation =/= causation!

Additional info from the comments:

Commenter- Anything you planned for the party that you missed out on? I would have paid to see you surprise a Confederate officer. Funniest/most clever thing I've seen on Reddit yet. Well done.

• OOP- That would be it. There was a super old couple, New England transplants from the south, who came with Confederate Officer uniforms, and were really proud of them. They kept talking it up, and were probably the most excited, out of everyone in attendance, about the ball. After my reveal with the chick in the dress, they avoided me like the plague (the black one) and their uniforms were never seen.

Commenter- How did the idea pop in your head? Was it immediately when you heard the location/theme of the retreat and party? Did your wife try to talk you out of it?

• OOP- Yeah, it was THE second I read the theme. I was like "Really? Well, I guarantee this means they forgot about me again." Wife was a little afraid I would get us in trouble, but we agreed that it would be okay as long as I didn't (like I planned to) make a nametag that said:MY NAME IS:Kunta Kinte

Commenter- While I was laughing my ass off at your posts, how was the general reaction from everyone else in person who saw your (hilarious) costume set?

• OOP- The climate DEFINITELY got palpably stiff and awkward for the rest of the retreat. I was CLEARLY avoided, on more than on occasion. Apparently an off color person with matching humor was a bit much for them, lol.

Commenter- On a scale of Canada to lost-every-shred-of-dignity, how apologetic were they?

• OOP- Is "SUPER CANADA" an option? I am now the only employee who gets to decide if something like this is mandatory for me, I was given a minor increase in job responsibility, that comes with a disproportionate raise. "Not because of this or anything... You just do great work and it's been a long time coming." You know what they say about correlation =/= causation and all...

Commenter- Where did you came up with the idea to be a party slave

• OOP- I am the only black employee, and I am often forgotten about. The moment I saw the theme of the party, I realized I had once again been overlooked... I'm thinking this may be the last time that happens, lol

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

This is a repost. I am not the original author (see disclaimer at the bottom).

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaygodimawful in r/legaladvice

trigger warnings:

mood spoilers:

i think something very bad happened to my sister (recovered with unddit as post was deleted) - 3 weeks ago

Throw away because this is seriously terrifying.

I scope reddit a lot and I really don't know where to go, but I hope I can be helped here. I'm 14M, I'm American but live in Asia, being vauge because I don't want this traced back to me if the situation is as bad as it seems.

I don't know if I should give some sort of background or anything, but up until about 7 months ago, I lived with my Mom (39) and my dad (41) plus my little sister(9). I say was because my sister is no longer here, she's in "boarding school".

I want to preface this by saying we are not bad kids, we're half white, half Asian, when my grandpa (in dads side) got sick 4 years ago we moved here so my dad can take care of him. Me and my sister worked hard to learn the language, despite her age, she actually caught on better than me and I was so impressed with her.

The issue began with grandma, she would really look down on my sister and I love my sister and didn't like it one bit. My mom said its cultural and I shouldn't make a fuss but it was hard when grandma really started making it obvious, she got me clothes, games, etc, but my sis got no attention. I should mention that 4 years ago, we lived with Grandpa and Grandma, in that time of me getting spoiled, my sister got repremandd for everything she did, I swear, it was super unfair you wouldn't believe.

Just under a year ago grandpa passed and my parents decided we'd stay here since I already speak and read pretty fluently. Grandma spoke to everyone about how rude and unladylike my sister is and my parents went along with it when I completely think that's wrong! Seven months ago her and Grandma went out and my parents said she'd be at boarding school for the summer- JUST the summer.

After 3 months I got anxious and asked when she'd be back and my ended up crying at the question, I was talked to by my dad and he said she loved boarding school so much she didn't want to come back yet. Like...???? Is that how boarding school works? I don't think so, maybe I've been watching to much TV or reading to much reddit, but we're in another country and I swear what they were doing was emotional abuse.

Still, it gets worse, after 5 months, I still hadn't gotten any contact, no message, no letters, nothing, and that's when my dad started making her room into his office space. We actually got into a big fight over it and I ended up with more chores, but he never answered why he was doing it if she'd be back soon. Anyway, it's now been 7 months since that car trip that took my sister away and the final nail in the coffin hit, I was looking through the attic for my mom and found a box with some of her old stuff, including her phone. Why wouldn't she have her phone?

I really just want to know if there's anything I can do, no one will tell me which boarding school she's at, I'm told not to worry about it because I'm a child. I know I'm to young to do much but if there's anything I can do, please help. When I think about it I can't stop remembering the way my mom cried that day, it makes me shiver, I've been imagining the worst and I'd hate if it ended up being something along my mind.

​

Update: Haven't seen my sister in a long while. - 8 days ago

Hi Reddit! Its been a crazy few weeks but I absolutely needed to update as soon as possible. Sorry my post got locked ans I appreciate everyone who spoke to me via DMs, sorry to those I couldn't get to- it was a lot.

I should get on with the most important of the update, what I finally ended up doing. So thanks to the super community that is reddit, I was able to get in touch with a few different sources, the least favorite of which was a phone call towards those that help find trafficked children. I knew my family would be investigated and actually went to meet up with another family in that time, so basically, a redditor close to my age, who I'll keep private, met with me and she had already showed my story to her family.

They ended up letting me stay with them for a bit and made the proper calls to make sure it wasn't illegal, I actually even specified that I wasn't running from home, and I'd come back after the investigation. It didn't sit so well with authorities and I was actually forced to go back home, but it only got stranger from there.

I went back home to a completely empty house, even Grandma was gone, so I was allowed to stay with the other family for the time being. They were extremely kind, for a week I didn't get any news and, bless her mother's heart but I was told I had a home here no matter the results. So, a few days after a week had passed, I get a call and it turns out they found my sister!

My family had been taken in for questioning and were placed in holding for quite a while, I'm not sure why they didn't tell me this immediately though. I don't actually know the full story, but my sister was living close 700 Kilometers away, yeah, nearly a whole days drive, it wasn't summer school, or boarding school, or anything like that- My Dad sold her to get married.

My mom was off the hook as 1, I still needed a parent, and 2, she wasn't in on it until it was a decent way in. My dad and grandma have been arrested though and I'm back living with my mom and sister now. I'm still in contact with rhe redditor that let me stay with her and I'll forever be greatful, I have no idea what would have happened if I was around when authorities came knocking. She's my angel!

On a more depressing note, my sister doesn't speak much, but she seemed to cheer up after I let her read my post. She said she felt abandoned and alone, among other things, but seeing how I and plenty of strangers gave their hearts for her made her very happy so thank you all.

Sorry for being ao vauge here but I'm trying to protect identities. This isn't over by a long shot, there's still things that are going to happen, but I have my sister, and that's all thanks to reddit. Thank you.

​

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

OP note: I'm marking this concluded for now because they got her back

Disclaimer

This is a repost from reddit. I really missed this sub so I decided to post some top articles from time to time until hopefully one day this community will be large enough to produce its own content.

Read the original here

#Reminder : I am not the OP.

Original by u/macbookcouch

I had some of my friends over at my house and one of my friends invited one of her other friends to come over. She had her MacBook on my couch when I sat on it and broke it. Since it was completely my fault I offered to pay her the money for it and she agreed. She got it 3 years ago and it cost 2200 dollars at the time. I told her I'd wire you the money in a week to her bank account.

She's now emailed me saying that as per our conversation she's expecting the 2700 that I have agreed for!!!! I didn't know why she added the extra money so I got her number from my friend and called her to find her telling me she's now expecting me to pay for her new upgraded MacBook since she was "upgrading anyway". She said if I don't agree to do that she'll be suing me in small claims court. Can a judge agree to that?

Should I wire her the $2,200 or should I just tell her go sue me?

Update:

I went through every single comment from the 200+ ones and I sincerely thank each and every one of you.

I did some research specifically for repairing the screen for the macbook and for her particular model it’s around 310 for the screen + the labor cost so I wrote her back saying that since she didn't accept my initial offer of $2200, I’m withdrawing that offer, and offering to pay for the repair cost. She sent me an email calling me a bitch and that she’s going to take me to court.

I got served a few days later and went to court. I told the judge I gave her three options to choose from. 1) either to write her a check for a brand new one which was 2200 dollars. 2) Get her a refurbished one from apple or a third party or even used which would be around 1400 dollars or 3) fix her current MacBook since the screen is the only thing affected here and it would cost around 300 dollars plus money for labor. (I printed out the email I sent her and the mail she sent back refusing demanding the 2700 and calling me a bitch and saying we’ll go to court + screenshots for the price quotes from different websites for a new/refurbished and the screen fix for her particular model) and gave it to the judge. I also told him that when I offered at the very beginning to get her a new one from the apple store she said no I want the money in cash. When I told her I’d give her 2200 for a new one she said okay but later came asking for 2700 because she wants to upgrade. I tried to show him how it's clearly visible that she's trying to take advantage of me.

She gave the judge an attitude almost the whole time which really pissed the judge off and helped my case I guess. After listening to both of us he ruled that I pay 50% of the repair cost since she negligently left her laptop on the couch. So I'll only be paying not more than 200-250 dollars for the whole thing.

If it weren’t for you guys I would’ve paid $2,200 dollars instead of around $200 and I honestly loved her look at the end as we walked out.

Friendly Reminder, I am not the Original Poster

Posted by u/throwraiwantmysnacks in r/relationship_advice

Original - posted 2 days ago

I got a fridge lockbox and it’s destroying my relationship

Some background: BF (28m) and I (25f) have been together five years, lived together 3. Our relationship was great, truly. We have a joint account we contribute to monthly to handle joint expenses: rent, groceries, etc. Everything else is split.

BF is 6’3”, 200 lbs and works out daily. He eats a lot to keep up his caloric intake, which is fine, except for this one issue.

We buy snacks and he always eats my half before I can even get to it. Normal food and ingredients he’s fine with, but if it’s quickly accessible, I’ll never get any. We argue, he apologizes, rinse and repeat. This is literally the only bad thing he’s done. Seriously, in all other aspects of our relationship, he’s respectful and considerate. Snacks are where all bets are off.

Anyways, last week I lost it after he finished an expensive cheese we had gotten that I really was looking forward to eating. It was all gone after an hour. I lost my shit. I didn’t speak to him for a day and ended up ordering a fridge lockbox. After our next snack run a couple of days later, I divided each snack in half and locked mine in the lockbox. From his reaction, you’d think I was murdering puppies. He said it was disrespectful and controlling, and how dare I keep food that he paid for from him. When I reminded him my money went into it too, he screamed that he didn’t give a fuck and then left. He slammed the door so hard a picture fell off the wall and broke. He didn’t come back until the next day, but that was to change for work and leave immediately. He came home late and went straight to the guest room.

Four days of this. I broke last night and asked him to please talk about it and he said that he had nothing to say to me until I got rid of the lockbox. Honestly, I’m completely appalled at this reaction and I’m genuinely worried he might be on drugs or having a mental break or something. This is the most irrationally I’ve ever seen a grown man react. He’s ignored me only to randomly ask if I’ve gotten rid of the lockbox. I am not getting rid of the lockbox.

We’re supposed to renew our lease next week. I’m considering cutting my losses and just leaving. Is this relationship even worth salvaging? Is there anything I can do to solve this? He is refusing to communicate unless I get rid of the lockbox which is not happening.

Update posted - two hours ago

I got a fridge lockbox and it’s destroying my relationship

Hey guys, I don’t know if anyone wanted an update, but here it is. A lot happened.

Boyfriend kept staying out late and refusing to talk. So I tried to talk to my boyfriend about the lockbox again, and I mentioned that I didn’t think the lockbox was the real issue. But he was a brick wall, insisted that it’s abusive and controlling to deny him food. I kept pushing, asking if he was on drugs or cheating. I said him flipping out over something so small and staying out at all hours was suspicious as hell. I said that I thought he was using the lockbox as an excuse to be out of the house doing something bad. Me saying that unleashed an hours-long screaming tantrum that ultimately resulted in him throwing my MacBook against the wall and shattering it. Honestly, I really thought he was going to hurt me.

So, yeah. Called my dad, who called the cops. I don’t want to get too into the legality of it, but I’m pressing charges for destruction of property. It was a $2500 laptop.

Dad and my godfather moved me out yesterday, and I’m now looking for a new place. I don’t have a lot except for clothes, and a couple of kitchen appliances. I left the lockbox, but took my snacks with me, because fuck him. I left it locked, too.

Ex-bf has been spamming me. I’d block him, but I feel like I need this for evidence in case his behavior escalates. I texted him the first night that we are done, took our photos down, everything. He began ranting at me.

Some gems:

•	raging about how I still didn’t get rid of the lockbox
•	Asking for stuff he gifted me back
•	Telling me I owe him money and rent for his new place
•	That I owe him a car(?) I have no idea why he would say this, I have never even driven his current car
•	That my MacBook was old snd worthless and he wouldn’t pay for a new one (I bought it last year brand new)

After about an hour, I guess he realized that we were actually broken up and he couldn’t bitch me down anymore. Then came the paragraphs about how he was gonna marry me, he loves me, he wants to be better for me, that I can keep the gifts and he’ll buy me a better MacBook. He freaked out over seeing I took our pictures down from SM. He then started sending me screenshots of his Google searches of engagement rings and telling me to pick one. He also sent a couple voice messages of him just sobbing.

Any respect I had for him as a person is just completely gone. I want nothing to do with this man. I don’t care if he’s having a breakdown, or on something. He’s not my problem. I screenshotted his messages and forwarded them to his mother. She can deal with her son. That’s the most I’ll ever do for him again.

As for me, I’ll be okay. I have some savings, so taking on full rent for a place as well as deposit and fees won’t be too much. This has been a weird week. I feel like I should be sad, but like I said I lost all respect and don’t feel anything but disdain for him. My parents have been buying me my favorite comfort snacks and being super supportive. They’re gently pushing for therapy, and I think it’s probably a good idea. I’ll start my search once I’m settled in a new place.

** Marking as Concluded as she is now out of this relationship. Her new life is just beginning!**

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/AmbigrammaticAir on r/Advice.

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ORIGINAL POST - Dec 11, 2020

My coworker recently lost his car–don’t know the details, probably broke down or something. He had to cancel his own wedding for his son’s funeral last weekend. He’s in a really shitty spot. I don’t think this guy is one of those “make someone feel sorry in order to take advantage of them” types so…

I was already kinda half-ass looking around at newer cars, waiting for a deal for a few months now but not needing one ASAP. When I heard this guy was ubering to and from work every day I was like, holy shit I’ll just go ahead and pull the trigger on a new-to-me car and give him my old car.

I have decided I’m going to do it but I have no idea HOW to do it. I want to preserve his dignity so I’m not going to make a big show of it, in fact, I really don’t like the fact that our coworkers will figure it out when they see him driving my car. I don’t feel like I’m doing it for self-aggrandizement, everything just happened to line up to where I can really help this guy. I’d have donated it to NPR because I wouldn’t get much in trade and don’t want to hassle with selling.

How should I approach this? What is the most graceful way to give this to him, and refuse payment if he offers it, and not let it be weird? I mean, I know I can only control my side of things but if there are some things I can say or do that would make it easier I’d appreciate some insight.

In my mind, I was thinking of inviting him into an empty office and just being like look dude. I want you to have this. But then… what? What if I offend him? What if he refuses to take it and continues to Uber into work? What if he gets weird afterwards? My boyfriend said I should offer to sell it to him for a super-low price so it doesn’t feel like charity, but I feel kinda tacky being like “hey I know you have all this shit going on but if you give me 500 bucks I’ll give you my car”? Nah that won’t work for me. Maybe I could offer to sell but be super insistent that I will NEVER ask him when he will pay me and he can get it back to me whenever he wants, 5 bucks at a time if he needs to but really I am not trying to make money off this. I just want to help my colleague. He’s kind, warm, and hard-working and he’s dealing with a bunch of shit. A big steaming shit pile. I can’t sit here KNOWING I can help him and just …shake him down or do nothing.

How do I even remotely handle this

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UPDATE added as an edit.

So, I showed up right as he was walking across the lot to his truck to leave for the week. I ran up and was like, “hey! How you holding up?” He sighed heavily and said “I am getting through it because I must get through it.” I asked, “Have you come to a solution for your car problem?” And he sighed again and said, “Yes, the solution is that I must have one and can’t afford another.” We were about 20 yards away from employee parking and could see both my cars so I said, “Well, this weekend I bought that car (point at new car) and so now I would like you to have that one (point at old car).”

He was absolutely speechless, so I kinda started talking fast and was like “I couldn’t find the title–it’s in my closet somewhere–but I have all the necessary paperwork you need to bring to the Iowa DOT to transfer it into your name. I’ll pay for a replacement title if I can’t find it, and it’s overdue for an oil change so I’ll get that done this week while you’re out too. I’ll leave the keys on my desk so you have them if you get back after I leave on Friday.”

I attempt to look in his eyes but his mask has fogged his glasses. I continue.

“Yeah, they only offered me 98 dollars for the car and I didn’t think it was worth it and I didn’t really want to hassle with selling it online. Also I don’t have space at home to keep it, so I thought to myself, why not let [coworker] have it? So here we are.”

He has begun shaking. It’s 15 degrees so I am getting pretty cold at this point and I start hopping a little.

“So…would you take my car please?” I ask, by way of concluding the offer and requesting some kind of feedback.

Immediately, he grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me in for a long, strong hug. He is openly weeping into my hair now. He is saying something but my scarf is muffling his words, but I let him hang on until he decides to pull back. Finally he removed his glasses, and he looked me in the eyes and said, “You have changed my life with this gift. I cannot describe what you have given me.” So of course I started crying and we hugged again. Then, he said I must be freezing and I am to go into the office immediately, so I did. He sat out in his truck for a while before finally leaving for the week, and I feel content that he did not insist on haggling over money. Perhaps if he decides later to bring it up, I will entertain what he has to say, but for now I am well satisfied with how this turned out. Now I just have to find that damn title 😵

I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who read this and took the time to reply.

As it turns out, I was totally overthinking how this was going to go!

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Reminder: I am not OOP.