“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
I feel like this whole conversation is so alienating. You talk to people. You interact with people. Some of them are women. Some of the women you interact with are really cool. Maybe you find them attractive. So you say, "hey I know this is kind of a random encounter, but I'd like to see you again. Is there any chance we could hang out and go see a movie or get dinner or something?"
You aren't making first contact with an alien species. It's just people. Someone you're interested in, who might be interested in you. Don't bring a whole lot of baggage to the dance, just see if they want to go out. Have something in mind to do.
Maybe that's how you could spend your off time. Engage in something creative. Go to shows or plays or something that you do regularly that you can invite them along on. Listen to live music at some venue. Take an art class. Book club. Ping pong lessons. Go to a pokémon tournament if that's your bag. Just something that represents your interests that you can invite them along to, and if they don't want to come, ask what they want to do.
If you don't like anything that sounds like depression. Or just... I can't say this nicely... Really boring? Why would I want to hang out with someone who has no interests , hobbies, or passions? Nevermind go on a date with them.
I dunno, my mother married a boring man for 11 years. Why not me? Then she re married another boring man, less responsible and with alcoholic problems. Again, why not me?
Was he boring to her? Were they happy?
Is what your parents had what you're aiming for?
So then he wasn't boring to her and they ran into other issues....
No, my father always had been the same
Get this - if they don't have similar interests it probably wasn't going to work anyway.
If you don't like anything, never go out, how would somebody every get to meet and know you? And I don't mean go out partying or anything, I mean literally go out.
I dunno. But I can't force myself to become something I don't wanna be. What's worse being a shut in or being miserable outside faking a smile when you're suffering and cringing thinking "why I'm here?"
I went out to the park, movies, arcades alone for years. I'm done, if the world hates me this much then there's nothing I can do about it.
It doesn't sound like you hate going out, just being alone. Being out alone can suck, but the loneliness can't be fixed without effort.
Those are things that you can do alone. Do some things that you CAN'T do alone. Interact with people. A league. A club. A help group. Anything that isn't solitary.
It's good to have an idea of what you're doing when you're talking to someone, other than "trying to get laid" lol.
Listen when others are talking to you (MEN & WOMEN! you need the practice) for something personal they're sharing. Try to ask a short follow-up question that allows them to elaborate.
While they're talking just say something innocuous like "okay" so they know your there but you're not interrupting. Let them talk. Nobody lets other people talk these days. We pay therapists so that someone will listen to us.
You'll be a breath of fresh air if you listen to people. Treat their story like a privilege, because it is. The more they say to you, the more trust they are investing in you. So be worthy of it. And don't worry about the end result.
Getting laid is what happens when you're focused on someone else, not yourself.
I am an existentialist. Existence precedes essence.
I believe meaning is created in the world, it's something we must make. I do not believe meaning is provided for us.
According to Friedrich Nietzsche, “He who has a WHY to live can bear almost any HOW.” We must determine the WHY. For Victor Frankel in "Man's Search For Meaning," the why was to survive the Nazi death camp and be reunited with his wife who was in another death camp.
We all must have our WHY, or we drift aimlessly through life. But the good things is, we are not meant to FIND the WHY, we are meant to CREATE it.
PS. It's okay to be boring, but don't be bored when people are talking to you.
things will get better again, my friend. keep your pride to yourself, if you're too afraid to show it, but keep it anyways.
You're talking with people right now. That is all we're saying - find a group of people and just talk.
Well, I think we're people. Can never be sure.
Dude. Online interactions like these don't count at all. Anonymously being here protect us all from harm. I don't consider this a social activity at all. And it won't affect my real life
Im curious - what do you think tinder (or grindr) start from? Pics sure, but after that?
What, those apps that never work and ask you for a lot of money? Also they sell your info and I don't feel like putting my face online.
I've met many people via dating apps, and I've never paid for them. I'm very average in appearance.
It doesn't really sound like you want the situation to change, but rather just want to complain about it.
How old are you?
I'm about the same age as you. I still get matches and go on dates.
Never worked for me and there's nobody in my range
Never worked for you so far. If you give up it'll definitely continue to not work.
Also as I said in the other thread where I've been engaging with you, if your location is really that bad (which I don't believe unless you like live on a farm), you should probably look into moving.
Moving is completely out of my hands, I live with my family
Many people live with their family, and then move out. You're old enough to do so.
I lived with my parents and it seemed like I would never be able to leave. But then I got a job and made a spreadsheet for my budget, and made it work. You can do the same.
Can't disagree with last point, what doesn't with your second to last.
Are they full of bots - yes. But people wouldn't be still returning if they didn't work. I know multiple couples that got together because of them, and its apparently something like 35% of couples are getting together that way. Others being uni, friends or work usually.
Look, im not you and you take what you will. You're choices are realistically keep doing the same thing and get the same results, or change something and get different results. Could be better, could be worse, and only one way to find out. Joys of being human.
Yeah, and you know who usually hook up? The attractive, generic "interesting"ones. I'm not any of those things, is in my soul being retracted, quiet, not talkative and only doing stuff in my room, like gaming and maybe once a year going to the movies. That doesn't sound bad, at least for a short hook up to me, but apparently I'm not a catch for the rest of the "normal world". I guess people like me don't deserve love or even cuddling.
There's a lot you can do about it, but you seem intent on not doing any of it.
Why not? Why do you deserve friends and companionship without doing the slightest bit of work?
Loving someone requires effort already. I don't ask anything else, I don't ask you to like videogames or being into the music I like. I don't ask you to be generically attractive or to drag you into knowing my family. Why should you do the same to me?
That doesn't answer why you deserve a relationship when you're not putting effort in.
I already said it requires effort.
You do not seem to be making any effort.
What do you love about someone? And what effort do you put in?
And if you are trying to be in a relationship, especially a long term one, and you don't want to meet their family, that's gonna be a no from like 99% of people
There are very few people who are gonna marry someone who does not take any interest in their life, their family, or their friends.
Who is this us you speak of? Do you have zero interests in life? Nothing that you like doing? If that is the case, that really does sound like depression and I hope you are able to get help for it