I am married and have a couple young kids. Recently late diagnosed at 31 years.

Surprise! Turns out the loud noises and random chaos that comes with kids sometimes leads me to a meltdown.

Usually, I can feel it coming on and go "hide" for 5 minutes in a dark room to reset myself and go back to being a helpful parent. Wife is very understanding and supportive.

The problem comes when we are out in public. I'm not always with my wife. Last week I took the kids on an outing, and wife was taking the opportunity to shop (fortunately nearby, but out of sight or earshot) while I played with the kids. One thing led to another and I pretty quickly found myself melting down with no way to stop it, and became basically paralyzed and barely able to keep the kids from getting lost, much less destroying everything in the store.

Luckily my wife answered her phone and was close enough to come help (about 15 minutes because she was in line to buy things), but with my kids I couldn't just abandon them and go "hide". But it took me a good hour to come back to reality without any good hiding place to reset myself.

I know this is a potentially dangerous situation for my kids, and quite unfair for my wife to have to come save me all the time, but unavoidable sometimes. Any tips to prevent/delay a meltdown in critical situations like this? I can't use earbuds in this case like I usually would because I need to be able to hear my kids.

Edit: I had no idea I might be on the spectrum until after having kids. I suspect growing up in a very mellow family and then living mostly alone afterward isolated me enough from triggering situations and social interactions in general I just didn't connect the dots.