I have tried all manners of creams, with and without stuff that requires a prescription. Nothing does anything when it strikes. The only thing that seems to do anything is a piping-hot sauna, and if it goes on for too long, drinking myself to sleep just to escape the damn itch.

This time it lasted for almost 3 days. It rarely lasts that long. And then it went away for no more reason than why it started.

Oh well... At least I almost never have phantom pain and it's very infrequent, so I still count myself lucky.

And yeah you're right, there is no such thing as a penetrating cream. If a cream really could penetrate enough to reach under the skin, it would require a prescription. So by definition, over-the-counter creams are more often placebos than anything else.