How do you deal with a hot and cold inlaw? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by Wazzamatter@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I've got a father-in-law who is very inconsistent with his moods and body cues. For one day he will laugh at any joke you tell him, and the next he will shout at you for a perceived slight from hours ago and then give you the cold shoulder. He's made me cry from his attitude shifts.

My wife can't get through to him without a fight happening.
His wife (my mother-in-law) is calm and understandable, but is a pushover for him.

Have any of you navigated hard relations with an in-law? Do you have any tips?

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[-] Classy@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 year ago

My in-laws can be like that in their own ways. Sometimes they're engaged with me and want to spend time, invite me to outings, and other times they're closed off, emotionally ambiguous and very off-putting. Unfortunately there's probably not much you can do about it without direct confrontation — but you may find that going that route can lead to large consequences, either good or bad. Might not be worth the gamble.

What can you do about it, that won't require a huge sacrifice or threat to your relationship? Just do everything you can to just be yourself, regardless of their mood. Don't coddle to their shifts in mood, but don't be hostile either. If they're being grouchy, don't play into it. It's challenging to not let the emotional sink of relatives mess your mood up but if you can learn to "float on top" of it instead of miring in it yourself, I feel like you'll see a lot of improvement in your everyday life.

Life is full of grouches and depressives. Sometimes a bit of distance, maybe even a bit of aloofness, can really help deaden the blows.

this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2023

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