Curtis

IQ:300, Special Move: Urbital Laser

Curtis Boldmug has defined the meta for years. A competitive staple that strongly influences even builds not running him. Special attack causes unavoidable psychic damage even if you resist its charm effect. Vulnerable to sunlight.

Balaji

IQ: 300, Special Move: Yes Country for Old Men

A support type character. Good for ramping grift mana, but can't carry a game on his own. His ultimate is overcosted and just sucks up the hypecoins he spent the entire game producing.

Ray

IQ: 300, Special Move: Black Hole Graviton

Mostly just receives support thanks to boomer nostalgia factor. Low but nonzero win rate in modern tournament meta. Highly viable in time machine formats.

Eliezer

IQ: 300, Special Move: Goffik the Hedgehog and the Enders of Game

Former newbie favorite, fairly accessible and flashy. The Yud has seen heavy nerfs in the past years and at medium to high levels, his stats plateau severely much like his special move's plot. Thiel synergy has also shifted towards Curtis mains leaving Yud in shambles. Still a fun archetype and enjoys popularity as a smurf build.

Jack

IQ: 300, Special Move: Snorting an entire ground up bitcoin

Rather run of the mill character whose effectiveness was rather limited for a long time. The Blue Sky archetype made him meta relevant for all of five minutes until he got reclaimed by the toxic playerbase built around the social media platform he originally started and the uber braingenius currently in charge of that company. Beard gives him +1 armor bonus which is fine I guess.

Peter

IQ: 300, Special Move: Pondering my Orb

The apex predator of SV capitalism. The Black Lotus of technofascist grifters. His character is rumored to be based on Count Dracula. Even most SV billionaires can't touch him in a 1v1 matchup. Truly classic S-tier thinky boi.

Beff

IQ: 300, Special Move: World's Most Divorced Man First Date Percent Speedrun

Likely intended as a joke character, a guy named Guillaume pretending to know how to pretend to be cool on the internet. His posts turned out to be so lethally cringeworthy he started an entire archetype of */acc brainos. Not quite on the power level of Peter or Curtis, but surprisingly influential for an obvious meme build. Extremely weak to heartbreak from women named Ruth.

Leopold

IQ: 300, Special Move: To The Moooooon

Honestly, I had never heard of this guy before today but the data doesn't lie. The dots do go up and to the right and he posts a lot of them. Extrapolating from current trends, he will single-handedly reach singularity by the end of Q3 of this year.

each of them needs a scale (logarithmic) showing how much adderall they take

I recognize everyone except Leopold. Increase my suffering by telling me who it is.

this logo in corner is for something called overfit qs, they have instagram page and that image was posted there