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this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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Maybe it's just my experience, but this just does not work. Maybe it's because I'm asking "get to know you questions" and perhaps those should be reserved for dates; but the one time I decided to start by arranging a date, I got the answer "I would prefer if we got to know each other better here first" - which I agree with, by the way. So I do end up asking "get to know you questions", but the women I've matched with don't even try to put effort into the conversation.
To demonstrate what I mean by that, here's a fictional representation of an actual conversation I've had (the content is fictional, but the structure and tone is real):
I never replied to her "Ok", and she never said anything else. Most conversations follow along the same lines: me asking questions and getting the shortest answer back with no question turned my way.
This might make me sound horrible, but I had to stop using dating apps because it was beginning to give me a horrible view of women.
You are matching with the wrong kind of women. Everyone is different, some people want to flirt or joke, others prefer more meaningful conversations, and on top of that you will be judged by whatever else is in your profile. Yeah and your looks too.
Usually when it comes to dating apps I find people who do well are either really good at profiling or extremely good at flirting and socialising. You can definitely improve on the first.
My first screening is looks, but I never swipe to keep if the profile is empty, or if it doesn't say anything interesting, or if it's a copy paste joke. Whenever faced an alright looking match, I read the profile and judged based on that. Empty? Bland? Mediocre? Poor gramar? I can't relate to anything written in the profile? Get lost. No matter how good the match looks.
It's hard to find good profiles, the vast majority are the bland types that end in conversations like you described. Even out of a good selection, I found only one or two out of every ten matches actually started or carried on with a conversation, and out of ten conversations only one or two would lead to an actual date. For me this was approx one date a fortnight.
Source: personal experience dating, I'm a heterosexual woman. I hope this gives you some perspective, happy to answer anything else.
From a guy point of view, I think this is pretty accurate.
If they don't put any effort into the conversation, I move on right away.
I've become a lot more picky with my likes, and it's worked out better. If their only passions are beer and going to the gym, move on. I only swipe right if they're actually interesting and have something useful in their profile to talk about.
I do agree I am matching with the wrong kind of women, I just don't know what to change haha.
My swiping criteria are basically the same as yours; however, instead of seeing a lot of copy paste jokes, I see a lot of profiles that are just an Instagram handle. I'd say easily over 3/4 of profiles I see are empty, and a lot of the others only have an Instagram handle.
I've had good matches and conversations before, and the women I meet outside dating apps are a lot better to talk to, so I know it's just bad luck; but knowing that doesn't stop it being frustrating after several matches in a row where I have to carry the conversation, and that's after swiping through hundreds of empty or bad profiles between each.
So after a while of all that, I decided to take a break. Maybe when/if I return, I'll have a new look at my profile, see if anything can be improved or if there's something that's giving a wrong idea.