MoreWrite

142 readers

2 users here now

post bits of your writing and links to stuff you’ve written here for constructive criticism.

if you post anything here try to specify what kind of feedback you would like. For example, are you looking for a critique of your assertions, creative feedback, or an unbiased editorial review?

if OP specifies what kind of feedback they'd like, please respect it. If they don't specify, don't take it as an invite to debate the semantics of what they are writing about. Honest feedback isn’t required to be nice, but don’t be an asshole.

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

self@awful.systems

fasterandworse@awful.systems

I toured the future of birth. (substack.com)

submitted 2 days ago by SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com to c/morewrite@awful.systems

11 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Would love any and all critique.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] YourNetworkIsHaunted@awful.systems 2 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

1: SailorSegaSaturn was not alone in taking far too long to realize this was a work of speculative fiction and I mean that as high praise.

2: In consideration of what you said elsewhere about aiming for the kind of softball coverage that major publications have given OpenAI, I think the fearful tone works pretty well, actually. It makes the overall piece feel uncanny and uncomfortable in a way that fits right into the way that this kind of deeply dystopian stuff gets normalized. Reading through this I realized that despite all the talk about inequality and playing God never being meaningfully rebuked by the Evolve people I was actually having a harder and harder time articulating my opposition. I actually appreciated the ending going in the same direction, and thought that the tension in that McLuhan quote was really interesting to explore.

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 15 hours ago

Thank you so much. Really appreciate that! I'm glad this is being read as its intended to.

It took embarrassingly long for me to decide on a quote there. I had a few options that were thematically correct but I also wanted something that would make sense for the character since I don't have much time to flesh out characters in a story so short.