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106

Divorcees of Lemmy, why did your marriage end? (sopuli.xyz)

submitted 20 hours ago by bleistift2@sopuli.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

53 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I wonder what causes people who once thought they’d spend their life together to not want to do that anymore.

Has your partner change? Or did they not change when you expected them to? Have you changed?

Have you not noticed each others’ flaws when love was young and the pink glasses still worked and only discovered them later?

And what can your experience teach us about our own relationships?

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[–] JayleneSlide@lemmy.world 2 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Thank you for this. My wife left about a week ago. It blindsided me, but I’m hindsight I could have seen it.

Happy to help
JFC, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, and I deeply empathize. I'm just some douchebag on the internet, but if you need a trained ear, please feel free to DM me.
Sure, hindsight is 20/20, but a critical component is giving yourself grace and emotional space

Now I realize that if I don’t work on myself, I will bring all of my problems to any future relationship. I’m only at the very start of the journey, and every day is still painful – our relationship lasted 15 years, and that can’t be unwound quickly.

There is sense of closure and ability of growth in understanding the whys. Explicitly working to avoid carrying forward the injuries is a huge step. As you probably already read in Gottman: the best couple's therapy is individual therapy. Empathy by way of anecdote: when I was reading Levine's "Attached," so many of the example conversations had me feeling like "Were y'all in the room when we were arguing?!"

I'm serious about the being a sounding board/ear. I hope you find inner peace sooner rather than later.

[–] Dempf@lemmy.zip 1 points 11 hours ago

DM'd, thank you friend.