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I feel angry a bit now. I cried so much yesterday when I was out for my walk but now anger is here. Obviously I’m sad too but part of me is so mad that I spent 6 months now for something to not work or to be given up on so easily. It’s so upsetting. I hate that I did it but I reread me and his messages and seeing how much I tried to make things work, for two months, be trying to fix our relationship…pathetic. I got nothing bad. At one point he was just telling me that he felt like he was always telling me how special and beautiful I am and that I didn’t let it go through. What the fuck? But a few days ago he said he should’ve been more appreciative. He’s saying these now because he realizes now when we aren’t talking that I tried so hard and he didn’t care as much as I did.
That’s the part that hurts. The hardest pill to swallow for me is that. I have only known him since the end of November but I swear it feels like I’ve known him for years. This hurts me so much because I rarely feel like this with people. This urge inside me to text him is crazy. I hate that me and him didn’t talk about it in purpose, it makes my blood boil a little bit.
Hang in there. Keep giving it more time, this is good progress you're making already on figuring your emotions and feelings out.
Ignore anyone telling you you're "young" or whatever. Heartbreak is heartbreak, there's no winning or losing, it all just sucks.
Your heartache is just as valid as someone who's been together for 50 years.
This is how we learn, unfortunately. This is an important milestone in a lot of people's relationships, and those who aren't going through what you're going through aren't better, they're just going to have a sharper learning curve later in life when/if they do get a bad breakup. They won't know how to process it.
Think of this like a vaccine. The earlier in life you can work through this, the better prepared you'll be for future relationships.
You'll also be able to use this experience to help others, like your friends, when they're in a similar situation. Try and remember what it feels like and how miserable you feel, and don't become detached or lofty when you see others suffering like you are now. Remember how much it hurt, and understand that's what they're going through as well.
Regarding the guy: Don't reconnect, don't get back, block, etc. This is a situation where you could easily rubber band back and forth, and I've been there too. It's beyond miserable. It's a relationship that's neither enjoyable, fulfilling, or downright awful, but somewhere in between. And it'll last forever if you let it. Don't fall into that trap just because you want to feel good and reconnect and take the easy way out of this suffering. I promise, it won't last, and then the next time around will be worse, and you'll end up gaslighting each other, hating each other, but both being too afraid and unable to escape the toxicity.