this post was submitted on 10 Jun 2025
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Autism
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I pretty much just sat at my desk, spaced out, and disassociated through most of grade school. In first grade I got detention for having a snowball fight, except I never did fight, and I was just picking up the snow to eat it (I was obsessed with eating snow as a kid). I was so confused and after that I felt like I couldn't play or engage with anything, so I began to disengage as well.
It's only recently that I've realized disassociating and disengaging have made me very lonely and are no longer helpful to me and I've started trying to put more effort into socializing, but I'm also not that great at it.
It feels sometimes like I have the need to socialize but not the desire or the drive, and often if one little thing goes wrong I feel like shit
Like if one had no drive to eat food, and a variety of allergies