this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2025
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I still remember when bumble had to change their entire premise and business model because as it turns out women are worse at starting conversations than men lmao.
I wholeheartedly believe that the Internet and smart phones have been the biggest double edge swords in human history. We have the entire globes collected knowledge at our fingertips with the ability to connect with any other person on the planet instantly and it has caused the largest shift in loneliness and depression ever.
Humans simply are not wired for social media and the Internet. Seeing every single person you know posting themselves beautiful and dressed up doing the coolest things 24/7 will make anyone feel ugly and like they aren't doing anything with their lives. It takes real focused effort to remember that people (generally) only post when they are doing something special and what you don't see are the days or weeks between posts that show they live the same boring life you live.
I'm ranting for no reason. I think when we lost in person social gatherings as the primary method of meeting new people is when society kicked that concrete block off the cliff. Right now we are just waiting for the rope to snap taught and drag us all into the abyss.
Every starting conversation on Bumble was like:
"Hey"
If that happend, it triggered me so hard. Its like the insanest thing ever. Why are you even on bumble then.
Why are you expecting conversations to be otherworldly?
How many conversations in real life with people you like start with something akin to "hey"? I'm gunna bet most but I suppose I could be wrong.
From what I saw, it wasn't just "hey". Hey was the yellow flag.
It was all the one word responses. To everything. It was the job of the guy to be entertaining on the app to barely any response.
That takes its toll on men, especially when there were women who used it as a source of free entertainment.
There is a whole universe of possibilities between "hey" and a conversation so good it is otherworldly.
Most of these apps, the user has a profile. If they're not fucking it up, the profile has topics to talk about.
"Hey! Your profile says you love the mets. Do you go to a lot of games? I used to go with my pop, but he just watches the game on TV now" isn't stellar but it's significantly better.
If the other person responds with "Nah [end of communication]" then they're doing a bad job. I'd see that all the time and it drove me crazy.
You both seem to ignore the fact that conversation is two way and that conversations from nothing ie. Small talk is extremely off-putting.
How am I ignoring that conversation is two way? I specifically mentioned it's a bad job when one person engages and the other half-asses it with one word responses.
I don't see what small talk being off-putting has to do with anything. I don't know if I even consider talking about your interests small talk, but okay. How else do you expect it to work?
We just agreed that isn't half assing it, it's a normal introduction.
Polite and informal conversation with no functional purpose.
It's relevant because that's all small talk bro, what you're describing is small talk. It's worthless and mostly annoying.
You don't understand small talk if you think it has no functional purpose. Small talk has several purposes.
One, it sends a bunch of signals. I see you. You see me. Neither of us are threats. We have a shared language.
Two, it's how you find deeper topics to talk about. "What did you get up to this weekend?" "Oh, hung out with my friend. We saw a band I like - All Dogs - do a surprise anniversary show. You do anything big?"
Three, it lets people choose their level of engagement. "Cool, sounds fun. I stayed in, watched some TV" signals minimal interest vs "All dogs? Never heard of them but I love live music. What's their genre?" signals interest, and now you can a little deeper on music.
If you just plunge directly into deep stuff that's like skipping foreplay and lube. It's probably going to make people uncomfortable.
That's the literal definition of small talk.
Yeah those don't apply by text.
Those generally start after hello, hey, how are you, you know general introductions.
Again things that happen after hello.
That's called actual conversation but again that all happens after an introduction like hello or hey.
I would expect something else then one word if you select the Dating platform where the big difference is that you have to write first as a women. It seems odd to me.
But probably tinder or the other dating platforms are just (as) shitty and it didn't have any deeper thought about joining bumble.