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‘An uphill battle’: why are midlife men struggling to make – and keep – friends?
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2025
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Mental Health
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This has also been my experience. Then again, I always had problems dealing with mainstream straight guys, even as a kid. Growing up with untreated AuADHD and being a massive nerd really didn't make things easy. As an adult, it's been really hard to find friends in my own gender/orientation as nearly every one of them that I come across seems to let the mask slip a bit and say or do something very problematic.
So, I decided to drop that cohort and start intentionally socializing with people in more LGBTQ-heavy spaces. It's done wonders for the social anxiety that I developed over years of doing little but work too much. Now I've got some budding friendships with people from all across the LGBTQ+ rainbow and people encouraging me to be emotional vulnerabile (in a healthy way). It's pretty fucking fantastic.
I guess the lesson to learn from this is that straight guys should go to therapy to deal with their problems (and learn more about their emotions) and seek friendship with LGBTQ+ people (and look out for and stand up for them, when they need it).
What spaces would that be? I'm in the same boat, undiagnosed AuDHD for most of my life until very recently, have always been the odd one out, mostly interested in nerd stuff, little energy to deal with people... I'd love to get in touch with LGBTQ folks but have no idea where to start (yeah sure, there are a lot of places online, but I'd prefer actual face-to-face activities)
We are in almost exactly the same boat. Didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until about 7 years ago. Then, once initial ADHD was a bit under control, the ASD side of things became more apparent.
It really depends on your interests. I've had some good success with sex-positive/kink communities (still in an extended initial exploration of the latter). There's a surprising amount of neurodiverse and wonderfully nerdy presence there as well as extraordinary levels of inclusivity. Probably the best places to go looking are event-oriented sites and apps (probably give apps by dating companies a miss).
Even if that isn't quite your thing, I might recommend trying out "Plura" (formerly Bloom, I think), if there's presence in your area. There are a lot of events that pop up that are not sexuality or kink related as well as, at least in my area, frequent free and reasonable cost seminars. These are often covering topics that are of potential use for neurodivergent people as well as more neurotypical people who have experienced trauma and/or, like many straight men, are not very knowledgeable/skilled with their emotions.
Sexuality and kink is right down my alley, I'm just too shy to talk about such topics with strangers. I'm gonna look into it anyway, thank you for your suggestions.
Just find a scheduled non-sexual kink event in your area (like a munch) and pregame with whatever mind altering substance improves your social anxiety enough to walk in the door. I recommend hard Arnold Palmers, since they taste good (or at least okay), contain caffeine to up your energy levels a bit, and are available at most gas stations/liquor stores.