Hello! Transbian here. I'm resurrecting my alt account since this is rather personal.
I'm looking for stories and anecdotes rather than advice, but any engagement is welcome :3
I came out as a trans woman about a year ago. At that time I was married (to a cis woman), with a daughter. Nothing has changed on that front. Initially my wife's position was that she was only interested in men, would understand if I turned out the same, and we'd better wait to see how things developed.
We've been married nearly 15 years, and a lot of that time has been somewhat strained, mostly since I was extremely unhappy with life in general (guess why) and taking it out on everyone around me. So typical marital relations are very much a thing of the past. TBH I didn't really enjoy them that much anyway (again guess why).
Since transitioning I'm basically a different person now. So much calmer and laid back, and getting on much better with the family. But of course there's still some lingering resentment from things I'd said and done in the past. I've done a lot of reflecting on my sexuality, and I'm pretty sure that I'm only into women (if maybe a bit flexible in the bedroom; we'll see). The question is where we go from here. Maybe it turns out my wife is either closeted bi, or will make an exception for me. Or maybe she's still not interested sexually, and we decide to open things up on that front (not sure how I'd feel about that yet). Or maybe we part ways.
The interesting thing is that I managed to get married at all. Looking back, my dating style was... not very cis male, to say the least. So the fact that my wife even considered me as a viable partner was... curious, on reflection. Possibly a good sign. And recently, (thanks, estrogen!) I've caught her staring at my chest a lot.
Of course I talk with her regularly about things. But I'm holding back a bit at the moment both to avoid overwhelming her with yet more transition stuff, and because I'm not entirely sure how I feel either.
So, er, there must be some other people here in a similar position. How did things go for you?
Hey, cis (bi) wife to a trans woman here, I can comment a little bit. I always was out as bi (leaning towards women) in my relationship, so that was pretty chill for both of us. My wife didn't know exactly where she was going to end up sexuality wise, but has settled into bi as well. It's a little scary to shake things up in a long-standing relationship that way! My wife and I are doing great, but I definitely have had friends in a similar situation get divorced, even when the non-transitioning partner is bi or pan. Good communication is important, so I would encourage regular check ins, even about the sensitive stuff.