this post was submitted on 13 Jul 2025
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Not in my experience. The amount of 'wow, I was just...' responses I've had from men when I am out and femme (I'm AMAB non-binary) truly stunned me. I was dropping off stuff at a thrift store, and as I walked through the door an older man held it open for me, then grabbed my lower back to 'guide' me forward. I spun around into a boxing guard, and the guy looked horrified at me (as did most people in the store) and then he said something that made it all make sense to me, in a truly awful way.
"Oh I'm sorry lad, I thought you were a girl!"
Ugh I haaaaate when men touch me to 'guide' me. Like obviously they wouldn't do that to a dude (which the older guy in your story pretty much admitted) so what makes them think it's OK to do to us?
Or. When they hold a door and expect you to scoot under their outstretched arm. Wtf is that all about, I'm not a child!
Oh fucking hell what an absolute dickhead!! It's really shitty mate how are you feeling?
I'm better now, this was almost a year ago now, but it was early into me being 'out' as femme, but thank you for asking :)
Honestly, it's not nearly as bad as the guys who fucking follow you to 'get a better look'. I was waiting to cross a street, cars at my left, and as I started crossing suddenly a face appeared about six inches from my face and craned his neck in front of me to look at my face, had a sudden shocked look - and realised I was AMAB and then speed-walked to my right down the street.
I got home and sobbed for about 30 minutes because I realised that girls deal with this shit all the time. Little girls! I've had guys follow me out of stores, hold doors open to look at my ass, then follow me and take pictures with their fucking phones. Seriously how the fuck do you guys deal with this all the time? I fought my way through elementary and high school as a (EDIT: 5th percentile for weight, IE. I was under 100 pounds in grade 8, my bad!) boy, but it was nothing compared to this.
Yep, and that's the awful thing about it. You get so many men creeping after you when you're a fucking child, and you just get used to it. Luckily for me it's died off a lot as I got older but the sad thing is we just accept it as part of our life.
One of my younger cousins is also enby (AMAB) and has always looked very feminine, and they came to me in tears because they kept getting sexually assaulted working at a Department store. Guys would grab their ass, one guy 'lightly' slapped their ass, touch their shoulder, one guy even kissed them because they 'looked like they wanted it.' After dry heaving for a minute, I just cried with them for the next hour.
I'm so sorry you all have had to, and continue to deal with this. Especially with fascism taking hold, I'm so worried for all of you. I walk my children's friends to the bus stop, and I hate that for the first time I feel like I really have to. We all need to form protective groups now and I hate it.
I'm so sorry, everyone, it's not fair or just.
The invisibility that comes with aging has its appeal!
yikes, you ran into a creep
I also coincidentally have run into creeps about one hundred times as often when I'm mistaken for a woman, so I would argue no, it's not true for 'any gender.'
It sounds like this is a lot more applicable for women. But that does not invalidate mens rights. Even if they don't need to excersize them nearly as much
You came onto a sub-lemmy about women in a post about women and burst out with:
Who the fuck said it does? Look, I lived as a man for longer than you've been alive, and this is the perfect example of male privilege. You think you have not just the option to but obligation to insert male issues into a squarely labelled area set up for women.
As a man I was mugged twice in over 40 years, and got into a few dozen fights in elementary and highschool -- each and every time to a boy/man. Then I came out as enby and was immediately inundated with fun experiences like:
If you want to bring up issues men have, there are dozens of places for that. A place set up for women to talk about women's issues is not only not the place, it makes all of us AMAB's look fucking worse. Part of the reason I came out as non-binary and not just a femme-y man is because people like you make me feel so alienated from men I can't imagine being one.
I've heard of people in America not even daring to use a shared gender bathroom because of mens behaviour where they lived. I know some places suck. Yes, this is just one example, there is more. Way too much more
This is the first time someone put words in my mouth in a discussion on equality. As to your question: that was you
Je suis Canadienne.
_You're in a women's forum talking about women's issues and your first comment was an attempt to invalidate the entire discussion by saying:
No. Women talking about issues women face isn't true of any gender - similarities can exist yet are separate because they are different groups that have different experiences and realities.
You walked in here and tried to derail commiseration into a vague debate that holds no water.
I was about to make a snarky comment you'd repeat this kinda rethoric, probz should've
You know what has never happened to me here in China?
So it seems that "men do that" is a bit more specific. Perhaps "western men do that" or "American men do that" is more on point.
Fuck off with the MRA/MGTOW/incel talking points. Like just totally fuck the fucking fuck off with them.
Oh, sexism. I was expecting better from you
Hey, if you make me uncomfortable, I'll be impolite too. And I'll probably apologise for it