Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
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No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
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Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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Getting over someone is hard. I prefer not to phrase it as: "she's just another girl" because that diminishes the fact that to you she was special and more than "just another girl". That's why you have these feelings of attraction & desire in the first place.
But, her being special doesn't mean she's someone you'll end up with in a long relationship. Your attraction & affection for her is only half a relationship. There will be MANY women (or men, it goes both ways) you meet in life that seem amazing & special, but don't return those feelings towards you. And I don't mean this as a downer; it's just a reality... It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you because you're not the type of person a specific girl is interested in dating.
It's not about getting over her; as hard as that is to hear it means there's not a relationship there. It takes both people for a relationship to form (a healthy one at least, which I hope is what you're after). It sucks, but it happens. You have to learn to move past that and continue living your life (including meeting other people & potential partners). You're not getting over "her"; you're getting over a relationship that you'd like to exist but doesn't.
I'll not make light of how hard it can be to move past someone, as I see some others do in their replies. Attraction for someone should take time to get over. It's hard to experience a strong amount of attraction towards someone and not have that returned. But the reality is there will probably be many people in your life that fit this description. Don't dwell on the people who aren't returning your affection; and figure out what you need to do to redirect that energy into finding someone for whom the attraction is mutual. Because that's when you'll eventually find someone who really is special; as hard as it might seem now to think of someone being more special than this current girl... odds are it will happen. Then you'll get to have a whole relationship with them (rather than a one-sided one). And being in a mutual relationship will be far better than what you're longing for now.
Source: mid-forties and have gone through many break-ups and a divorce. When a relationship isn't working out, figure out what you need to do to move past it & look for the next one.