this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
61 points (85.1% liked)

Ask Men

1881 readers
2 users here now

A community to Ask Men questions and discuss any and all issues relating to them.

Unlocking Perspectives, Advice, and Empowerment for Men Everywhere.

Rules

Follow the rules of lemmy.world, which can be found here.

Additionally:

  1. Be respectful
  2. Try to engage in a positive & constructive manner
  3. No harassment, hate speech, or trolling
  4. Use appropriate language & tone.
  5. Share relevant content.
  6. Follow guidelines and moderators' instructions
  7. Report content that violates rules or needs moderator attention

Notes

Would you like to help with moderating AskMen? Send a PM to the top mod.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Iceblade02@lemmy.world
Crackhappy@lemmy.world
61
Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 2 weeks ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
94 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Then give them space to label themselves, not all men are introspective or self-aware

The last 60 years has majorly fucked with labels and masculinity, and what seems like a simple question to smooth the relationship to you may feel like an identity attack to them.

The less labels used the better, allow people's actions to define them

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 2 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

But sexuality is not just a label, and it sounds like internalized homophobia. If you're attracted to a male of any kind you're at least bisexual and there's nothing wrong with it.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I guarantee that the boys in these conversations believe that there is something wrong with this.

[–] MITM0@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Source: I said so

[–] Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sexuality is 100% a societally constructed label. It's flexible, individual, and often changing. If you decide that 'bisexual' means anyone who's ever had a passing thought about both genders, well suddenly that label applies to 99% of the population, whether they would agree to it or not. That's not a particularly useful label at that point, it doesn't mean anything. And since most people don't use the label that way, they're going to be upset if you tell them you're stuffing them into that box.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hmmm I'm not sure all straight men had a passing by men 🤣

[–] Blueberrydreamer@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 2 weeks ago

I don't really understand what you're trying to say here, I think you might have misread?

The bigger point is, labeling someone without their consent is rude. A huge benefit of our growing collection of self descriptors of sexuality is that it gives people a framework to understand how they feel, and a way to communicate that with others in their community. Forcing a label on someone else is denying their lived experience and dismissing their feelings. It'd be one thing if you were having a political discussion online or something, but you're doing this to your dates.