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this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2023
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I feel this. This probably stems from childhood issues and a string of failed relationships but I just can't be comfortable around really any social groups I've had for very long. Functionally I'm great, people seem to like talking to me and want my company. So we'll do a few get together sessions and then my fatigue will make me slowly fizzle out. It really sucks.
On the brightside though, I do love my own company and have made peace with having a lot of holidays and special occasions on my own or with the cat.
I'm comfortable too with being by myself. I just think it would improve my life if I felt I could trust people more. Or at least let go of some unarmed something in me that just gets hurt or disappointed by people. I'd like to connect more and not give a fuck when people disappoint me, and just forgive and let go.