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what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 weeks ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

why / how did you pick your name?
how long have you known?
how long before you are done transitioning?
how long do you have to be on HRT?
is transgender like being transracial?
what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

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[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Are there cis people that are angry and emotional all the time for reasons you don't understand?

Well, it's the same thing when you see it from trans folk...

[–] JustTesting@lemmy.hogru.ch 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Of course there are. But I mean, women's hormones do affect mood during the menstrual cycle (my wife certainly says she's more iritable before her period), and afaik the hormone therapy is some of the same hormones, so it didn't seem far fetched at all to me that it could play a role. hence me asking.

but could as well have been some deep seated anger at the world or similar, or something in between. Mostly I was just trying to think of reasons for why she might not be as bad as she was seeming, benefit of the doubt kind of thing.

[–] ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 points 2 weeks ago

Right, but if your wife was yelling at people all the time, and writing emails to co-workers in all caps, and constantly getting on peoples bad side, you wouldn't go "Oh, she's hormonal". You'd probably assume that there is something else at play.

Same assumption applies here.

[–] Haradion@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 weeks ago

Interestingly, IIRC, one of the major hormonal factors in irritability during the menstrual cycle is a relative spike in testosterone levels. (Non-expert, could be wrong, but heard this once.)