ADHD

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Request: basic communication skills (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) by SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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Hey everyone, I'm hoping to get some advice for my partner.

She and I both have ADHD. She consistently has great difficulty communicating clearly and neither of us is sure what to do about it. Where an ideal narrative could be mapped in a straight line, hers would look like a series of loops, whorls, and jagged deviations as she frequently repeats herself, relays events out of order, changes topics inappropriately and without warning, omits entire parts of sentences, etc.

I love her so much so it pains me to say that it's bad. It's really, really bad, and I see how it frustrates her. It's interfering with our relationship as it makes even low stakes conversations agonizing and higher stakes topics often impossible. It holds her back in her personal and professional life. I used to have the same issue, but what helped me isn't really applicable for her.

Does anyone have any resources, ADHD specific or not, that might help her get started in basic, effective communication? She's such a wonderful, intelligent person, and I just want to help her succeed in being able to share that with others.

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[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Afaik, there is only so much that can be done there without medication. Medication is the single biggest impact on ADHD (not so much other things, such as Autism, but ADHD definitely).

Otherwise, the main thing that will need to be trained is you. You could have her write out an outline of what she wants to cover and cross off each item as she gets through it, so the visual reminder helps her... but she won't remember to even start on the outline unless you remind her, right?

I am no expert, but this video helps me understand things: https://youtu.be/SCAGc-rkIfo.

[–] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I like the outline idea! I suspect it's the abstraction that makes conversation difficult. A physical, manipulatable, visual reminder might help. You've given me an idea for like... a dry erase worksheet.

Unfortunately, she's already medicated - the maximum daily adderall dosage plus strattera. I think she'd do a lot better if she added in lifestyle changes like improving her sleep hygiene, exercising, meditating, reminder systems, etc (that's what keeps me okay), but we need to get where I can discuss that with her without the conversation quickly going off the rails.

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 3 points 3 weeks ago

Yes it will be difficult, and the medication I would presume would help clear the way for the upcoming changes, being somewhat necessary though frustratingly not fully sufficient to accomplish everything entirely on its own:-).