I know no one can tell me my identity, that's for me to decide. But I've been thinking long and hard about whether or not I'm bi, even pan, or just a straight girl who wants to be an ally to LGBTQ+ people. Heck, this may even be a "rhetorical question" and I already know the answer and just wanted to talk about it.
First off, I'm trying to get better at this, but I don't really understand homosexuality. And what I mean is more like it doesn't sit right with me. Something is wrong with my brain where two women kissing especially, grosses me out a little and just feels unnatural and weird. I feel homophobic like this, though, so I'm trying to get better at it. I'm completely fine around gay people, supporting them, and people coming out to me, but something about me being in the vicinity of women doing romantic stuff makes me feel weird or having to hear about girls on a date. With men, however, the gender I find attractive, I do not feel weirded out about them going on dates, holding hands, kissing, and the like.
I genuinely can't imagine being with a woman. Like, I can imagine us being "girlfriends" but I guess I'd only really want to be friends because I never find any women romantically nor sexually attractive nor would I feel like ever kissing a woman/holding hands or anything like that. The only thing I can tolerate with a woman is going on dates, which I could easily do when I hang out with friends.
But with men... I find men physically and romantically attractive. I easily find men attractive. Men kissing doesn't bother me and I find it awesome even. I would like to kiss a man, go out with a man, hold hands, have a family and kids with a man.
But I thought women were pretty, so that made me bisexual and I would get a little warm feeling around them, but I realized I don't wanna actually kiss or hold hands with them nor do I easily find them attractive.
And let me tell you, though I find women pretty, such as celebrities, it's been so long since I actually had romantic feelings for a girl, or feelings I can consider to be such. I've liked guys for as long as I can remember and currently like a guy I know via a friend.
Men kissing grosses me out.
It also doesn't affect me in any way at all, like, the smell of garbage waiting to be picked up grosses me out and I just ignore it and go on with my day.
No one forces me to watch two men kiss each other, my own aesthetic sensibilities are my own, and nobody should be forced to alter their behaviour because I find it icky.
It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with two men kissing and it doesn't mean two men shouldn't be allowed to kiss.
It's okay to find the sight or the thought of two women kissing gross, as long as you can understand, intellectually, that that doesn't make it gross objectively, that two women are allowed to kiss, that their choices are their own to make, and that they're still people deserving of respect.