this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2025
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AntiMeme
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Nah.
If you still think ultimatums work, I'm uninterested in a relationship with you.
You're fully within your rights to choose your relationships, but I'd argue your immediate and absolute binary reaction here is showing a lack of maturity on your part, which was the point of the post. Lacking maturity isn't a crime, and hopefully in life, we continue to mature as we get older.
You're saying this is an ultimatum, but you never question whether the man in the scenario does actually have a problem that could be harming the relationship. You're taking the position that if your mate, in a loving relationship, challenges you at a point of desperation for your bad behavior that she may use this language to try and get your attention because nothing else does. She could be reaching out at one last attempt to save the relationship and give you an opportunity to action for the health of the relationship. You're allowing for no introspection on your part. That's showing some more maturity is possible on your way to "peak maturity".
If he has a problem then the problem should be the focus. If she wants to establish a boundary then she should figure out how to do that without deciding for him that he is never to game again.
Ultimatums are about controlling other people. They are an unhealthy way of confronting a problem if there even is a real problem at all.
My goodness, mate, are you, like, twelve?
If someone is at the brink of dumping a dude's arse because they just cannot stand "being alone in a relationship" anymore, do you prefer them just disappearing, or giving an ultimatum?
Of course it's establishing a boundary! But you don't know the context! Saying "ultimatum bad" is just silly without context, because what if she's been neglected for years while desperately trying to claw her loved one from the grip of addiction? She's supposed to "suffer in silence"? It's not the 1200s anymore.
I'm not trying to make assumptions about what's not in the example. I don't know what brought her to that decision but I know that it's not displayed here.
I see an ultimatum. Those are bad and stupid. No one is suggesting suffering in silence. There is no reason to assume he has a problem.
These are all assumptions you brought to this.
Based on his reasonable and measured response it seems like perhaps she has not taken the appropriate prior steps to confront the issue if he feels blindsided by the ultimatum.
Without assuming more context than is written I will stand by my statement that ultimatums are about control and not conversation so they are an unhealthy form of confrontation.
This is prime evidence you are not at "peak maturity". Keep in mind, I'm not claiming to be either. Every day I make mistakes and try to learn from them. Sometimes I have to make the mistake again before I learn. The obvious answer isn't the right answer. Humans, especially in relationships, are not pure sources of truth. Not only are people flawed communicators, feelings and emotions frequently interfere with us understanding ourselves clearly and being able to enumerate our needs to ourselves and our mates. People aren't computers. Just because they give one worded answer does not mean that is what they believe or the thoughts they hold.
You are seeing these words. Accepting them at face value. Believe they represent the truthful thoughts of the person saying them. In perhaps another 10 to 30 years from now, you'll grow up a bit more and grasp that human relationships aren't that simple.
I implore you, for the future of your relationship with a mate, to look deeper and be open to possibilities that don't appear obvious at first glance. You know when people say "Marriages [relationships] take work". This is one of those examples. If you skip the hard and sometimes frustrating work of communicating with your mate you will lose them physically or emotionally. If you do this without learning, maturing, again and again, you will end up alone. I certainly don't want that for you or anyone.