this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2025
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I feel dating kinda sucks, a large portion of my generation is chronically online and i feel many don't know how to socialize in person.

I recently was eating at a local dinner, and saw somebody eating by themself. I walked up and ask if this seat was taken and they said no. But looked like a rabbit in a wolfs den, i introduced myself and we both got to know each other. I gave her my number but never got any call or text.

I feel lots of people around me are unappealing, yes i know that sounds seminaristic. Ive tried a foss dating app called alovoa, because i feel every other dating app would steal your liver if they legally could. The app has brought me miniscule success, i have made one friend whom i occasionally chat with.

But it kinda leaves me in a state of i want to meet new people, because at least where i live. The dating pool is really small, and my job isnt a public facing job (machine shop)

Any advise from the elders of lemmy?

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[–] kinkles@sh.itjust.works 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Get off the apps and go do classes at places. Gym, cooking class, whatever. Or go sign up for one of those programs that specifically gets a bunch of single people together to go do activities.

The dating apps don’t work unless you’re a mega hottie. You’ll be spending a lot of money monthly to not be buried by their algorithms. You can use them to cast a net, but don’t expect anything immediate to happen.

If you’re using anything other than Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble you’re shooting yourself in the foot big time if you expect any success.

I am assuming you’re male. When Ashley Madison got hacked, stats came out that 5.5 million of the 37 million accounts were female. Gizmodo did an independent review and thinks it’s actually closer to 12 THOUSAND of those female accounts were actually real. While the vibe of Ashley Madison is very different from something like Hinge or Tinder, if those apps even remotely resemble the user base of AM that means the numbers are well, well stacked against you.

[–] Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Wow i didnt know about the percent of male to female ratio. This freaking wild! And thanks for the advise

[–] kinkles@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

The best advice I can give is to get a gym membership and start exploring the classes. I went to two different gyms and my experience was the same at both- females make up 90% of the attendance because all the men would rather be out on the weight floor doing their own thing.

[–] sudoreboot@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 weeks ago

Your source has amended their claims and published a new article. They don't have the data to make that claim, but they can see that the platform employed 70 000 female bots to engage men: https://gizmodo.com/ashley-madison-code-shows-more-women-and-more-bots-1727613924