Autism

So I’m currently on the verge of tears because I’ve had an extremely difficult weekend. My Misophonia was awful. I am extremely triggered by my mom yawning. I’ve learned to not overreact, but I still glare sometimes, and she notices and whispers “sorry” while glaring at me. Her sister is ten times worse. She has a tendency to make my trigger noises louder on purpose (probably to get me used to them), yet she kind of does it in a baby voice (because she coddles me 24/7). Anyway, her yawns were so loud and violent along with my grandfather’s. On top of it my grandma’s dog got put down today. My mom offered to take me to her house on the way home to hopefully comfort her, and I said yes. Unfortunately, my grandma wasn’t in the mood for visitors, which completely broke my heart, I’m so sensitive lol. I was ready to break down, but thankfully held it together.

Tonight however, I am slowly losing my patience. I came home to my younger sister coughing, which is another big trigger of mine. She wants to go with my dad to take me back to college tomorrow but I don’t want her to. Normally I love it when she comes, but I’m so afraid she will cough and I will get upset. I also can’t decide what time to go back. My dad normally wants to go as early as possible because of the traffic, but tonight for whatever reason he told me the sky is the limit and he’s willing to take me whenever. I’ve had a hard time communicating because I simply can’t decide! Do I go early in the morning and risk my dad yawning constantly, or do I go in the afternoon and have to hear my sister coughing all day?

I don’t know what to do. My dad said he doesn’t believe I’ll be ready by 10 so he’s planning to go for a drive and to call him if I’m ready. My plan is to hopefully get up early and just go before the chaos gets worse, but ultimately I don’t know what I want to do.