Greentext

Can't say that sex and love ie romantic love must go together but I'm a dude and I personally don't enjoy the idea of commodified, hedonistic sex that's is often peddled by the dominant culture.

To me (and to each their own) sex is pointless without a deeper connection.

Many women go from unable to climax during sex to easily doing so when a deeper connection and understanding is sought by their partner.

That isn't to say that "meaningless" sex is bad. If both parties are down for it, by all means, have fun.

But I feel that sex is meant to be a spiritual experience. If I desire someone and they also yearn to share a deeper physical connection with me, they should feel my desire within their very essence of self, through my words and my eyes, before we even touch. Even when we do touch, intercourse would have to wait patiently in favor of foreplay so that my desire, my meaning, could first be communicated with my mind, body and everything else. Love making flows naturally from that state.

I was raised in a Western Christian nation where I grew up confused as two polar opposite attitudes towards sex prevailed. One was religious shame and guilt towards any type of sexual pleasure. The other was sexual liberation, which is undoubtedly an improvement, but it commodified sex, making it a hedonistic pursuit.

Ultimately it took reading on Indigenous thought on spirituality and intimacy, writings by Sufi poet Rumi on love and ancient Dharmic (South Asian) thought on physical intimacy (which centered sex on women's pleasure, autonomy, and rights in sexual relationships) for me to understand what sex was for me.