this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2025
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I've gone my whole life (I'm 35) NOT thinking I was trans but now I do, wtf am I supposed to do with this? How do I find out for sure? Am I allowed to be a trans lesbian because I'm not attracted to men? Can I even come out, when it will ruin my whole life? I'm jealous of the youth, being old sucks.

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[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

archivedthe problem with giving the advice of not transitioning because of the political situation is that there is a very real risk of not surviving the closet ... the situation in the U.S. is not yet at the point where you will be imprisoned for being trans, but the risks of suicide are very real if you don't transition (both in my experience, but also just by the numbers)

I think it's smart to stay stealth, to not be "loud and proud" right now, etc. - but I absolutely think it's important to start estrogen and not risk your life by continuing to live with the wrong sex hormones.

Also, it needs to be said: a closeted trans girl is still a trans girl. I am noticed and targeted less for my gender post-transition (despite having transitioned later in life like OP, and only been on hormones for less than two years) than I was pre-transition.

Pre-transition, I was an effeminate "man" and seemed gay, and I struggled to conform to life as a man. Being markedly queer that way put me at risk, but as a woman I'm entirely normal and nobody notices me - I am finally gender conforming in a real sense.

It can absolutely be safer for you to live as a woman when you're a woman, and less safe to live as a closeted woman pretending to be a man.

Still, the risks are there, especially in that early transition period - my point is just that being closeted isn't necessarily safer as commonly assumed. (It's also a matter of urgency, starting estrogen sooner vs later - you're asking someone to wait years to get medical help because the U.S. might end up following through with its genocidal promises? At that point the trans people won't be the only unsafe ones, queer communities in general will be unsafe, and getting out of the country will be crucial. Dealing with that situation with the wrong sex hormones in your body will only make everything worse, tbh.)