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If you found someone attractive, would you date them if you found out they were trans?
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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No. Starting any relationship with a lie or withholding the truth is not kosher to me. Now, knowing form the start, an attractive lady is an attractive lady. Let's have that discussion. But I am also biologicaly a male and I quite enjoy the female form and all associated enjoyment with such. I do not find androgynous or males attractive at all, just not wired that way.
I guess in my mind the thought experiment was that you see the person is attractive to you (in this case they are feminine and beautiful enough that you would find them attractive), but you haven't started dating yet, it comes out before dating and then you have to decide whether to date them or not.
It's interesting to explore various permutations:
It's interesting to me you bring up androgyny and males when thinking about trans women - I guess that makes sense, probably most people think of a man who lives as a woman socially... I guess it's hard when the passing trans women are invisible, living as cis people without disclosing their trans identity. That leaves the non-passing folks as the most visible ones.
Anyway, let me assure you, there are plenty of trans women who look and are feminine, and indistinguishable from cis women. But I totally get why this is hard to believe without first hand exposure.
Appreciate the in depth reply. I don't have experience being a trans person or dating one or even hitting it off enough to get to that point. So my words are purely from a heterosexual male perspective without evidence to support it.
For your bullet points and me specifically.
possibly. Sexual intimacy is an important component of a relationship, to me. I cannot have sexual enjoyment or attraction with another penis.
I don't feel there would be any hangups, just would want to make sure my lady is happy and medically safe, though that means more work as a partner
don't see an issue with this either, as long as it was disclose it. same as above for potential concerns. Finding out after a wedding or a few years dating would definitely cause me some issues.
If I hit it off with a woman and before we got to the stage of dating offically, and we had that conversation, no it would not be a deal breaker for me. Communication is important though
That all makes sense, especially given your experiences. Thanks for sharing ๐ฉท
I do wonder what your thoughts are on a female penis (besides the obvious "no thanks" lol). It's a common misconception that a woman's penis is the same as a male penis (or even just the larger misconception that trans women are "biologically male" generally). Instead it's feminine and soft, often more like an oversized clit than a man's penis. Trans porn caters to a particular audience that wants to see the female penis used like a man's penis (and the women have to take great lengths to do this - applying testosterone to their genitals, making sure they have erections frequently enough to prevent atropthy, stretching the skin, and even using artificial semen), but in my experience few trans women want or even can do that. Many cannot get an erection, as estrogen causes the penis to shrink and lose that capacity. Likewise for ejaculation - usually the output becomes like a woman's, with wetness during arousal, but no ejaculate.
That said I also assume penetration would be important to you, and anal is a lot of work and can be painful compared to vaginal sex, so it makes sense to have a preference for a partner that either can accommodate frequent penetration anally, or has a vagina.
On making sure a post-op trans girlfriend is medically safe, what did you have in mind? I guess what comes to my mind is STDs, but maybe you were thinking something about the neo-vagina?