this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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Why or why not?

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[โ€“] Fondots@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

No because I'm married and my wife wouldn't like that.

More seriously, It's not a hard no, but I lean towards probably not, it would probably depend the specifics of their identity and the state of any medical transition.

In general, I'd tend to call myself a straight cis man. If I think long and hard about it, I could make an argument that I'm perhaps something along the lines of a non-binary person with a penis, who just happens to present in a traditionally "masculine" fashion in basically every way, and who is attracted to people with vaginas who present in at least a somewhat feminine way.

That's a fucking mouthful though, and I'm just not gonna get into the weeds about that in casual conversation.

The fact that I'm a man isn't really something that's particularly important to me, I just kind of think of myself as a person. If somehow someone misgendered me it wouldn't bother me in the slightest (though it may get a chuckle because I'm a bald, hairy dude with a big busty beard and fairly deep voice, not exactly the picture of femininity)

And while I quite enjoy having a penis, I don't feel as though I'd be particularly bothered by having a vagina instead (although you can miss me with that period nonsense, but I think most vagina-havers would agree on that point) and I'd otherwise live my life the same way.

And how "feminine" a theoretical partner would need to be actually gets a lot of leeway. I can find people pretty far into the tomboy/androgynous/butch/etc end of the spectrum attractive, maybe even preferably to the extreme "girly" end of the spectrum. There's a line there where they'd be too "masculine" for my tastes, but it's a fuzzy one.

And for me, a certain amount of physical attraction in a partner is important. It's a pretty wide spectrum that I'm able to find attractive, but there are limits, and I have preferences and dislikes to varying degrees.

And one of those strongest preferences is that my partner have a vagina. I am just not attracted to people with a penis.

If we want to count it under the trans umbrella, I don't think that me dating a non-binary person with a vagina would be out of the question.

Maybe even a FTM femboy type who hasn't had or want bottom surgery.

MTF, which I think is more in the spirit of this question, is a bit murkier though. If they don't intend to get bottom surgery I think that's a pretty hard no. And even if they have or intend to I can't say that I've ever seen, let alone touched, a surgically-created vagina, so I don't know if they'd do it for me the same way as a natural one.

The best comparison I do have is that I generally consider myself to be a boob-guy, and while it's not an outright disqualifier, fake boobs don't usually do it for me in quite the same way as real ones, but some are better than others, and while I tend to like big boobs, I have nothing against small ones, and a mastectomy isn't a deal-breaker for me either.

So I suspect that with bottom surgery, it's a firm "maybe"

As for a trans partner who has not yet but intends to get that surgery, I guess it kind of depends on the timeline. I don't really want to have sex with someone with a penis and a sexless relationship for me would have a limited lifespan.

All of that said, regardless of whether I'd date them or not doesn't change how I'd view their identity. There's plenty of women out there I wouldn't date for any number of reasons, but that doesn't mean I see them as any less of a woman.

[โ€“] ethaver@kbin.earth 7 points 3 days ago

Yeah I feel this. Not in any of the specifics, pretty much all of those I'm completely opposite to you in, but just in the overall sense of "yeah this shit's complicated, I mostly like having sex with (in my case penises).