Funny

Political conservatives in a nutshell.

That's almost as annoying as the armchair psychologists who don't believe in accidents. No, I really, truly wanted to break my favorite glass, gather the pets in another room, then spend time sweeping and vacuuming up shards. FFS...

You know Carl Hiaasen? He wrote this in 1997:

Bodean James Gazzer had spent thirty-one years perfecting the art of assigning blame. His personal credo - Everything bad that happens is someone else’s fault - could, with imagination, be stretched to fit any circumstance. Bode stretched it. The intestinal unrest that occasionally afflicted him surely was the result of drinking milk taken from secretly radiated cows. The roaches in his apartment were planted by his filthy immigrant next-door neighbors. His dire financial plight was caused by runaway bank computers and conniving Wall Street Zionists; his bad luck in the South Florida job market, prejudice against English-speaking applicants. Even the lousy weather had a culprit: air pollution from Canada, diluting the ozone and derailing the jet stream… A series of unhealthy friendships eventually drew Bode Gazzer into the culture of hate and hard-core bigotry. Previously, when dishing out fault for his plight, Bode had targeted generic authority figures - parents, brothers, cops, judges - without considering factors such as race, religion or ethnicity. He’d swung broadly, and without much impact. But xenophobia and racism infused his griping with new vitriol.