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this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2023
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How would you refer to them? Trans men as "she" and trans women as "he"? Or just avoid using any pronouns?
Does it matter? They just want to be left alone, they're being left alone. The opinions of people they don't even want to interact with have no bearing on their lives, so long as they're genuinely being left alone. No laws against being transgender, no discrimination against transgender people in hiring or whatever, no harassment, but some people are going to use pronouns based on sex instead of gender because they personally don't buy it. Is that OK?
If you change your name, and I believe people shouldn't be able to change their name, is it ok for me to only use your old name?
I get what you mean, but the analogy does not work so well. Names are inherently individual. We got used to know hundreds of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you expect to learn a "new" name just for that person. Likewise, most people don't make a fuzz if you get their name wrong the first couple of times. It's something which has to be asked, and learned.
On the other hand, gender is mostly inferred, and we used to use only two of them. So when you're meeting a new person, you're expected to already know the correct gender. Likewise, most people react insulted if you misgender them, even if only once. It's something you're supposed to just know.
My point is, many people have a strong social training to correctly guess the gender of a person before talking to them. To suppress this automatism and replace it with an active ask-individually-approach can be stressful, although we have a similar scheme with names already.
How do you know my old name? You aso me my name and I tell you.
Someone choosing their own name is already common enough, and is not a question of distortion of language. It's not the same as pronouns.
Answer the question, is it ok or not?
Its irrelevant for this topic of discussion. Pronouns are a linguistic element with already clearly defined rules, proper nouns are chosen and have always been chosen. To answer you I'd say calling someone by some name other than theirs to be disparaging is not OK, referring to someone using a pronoun corresponding to their biological sex is perfectly OK.
I think a lot of people would be happy to settle into this camp. Happy to oblige but allowed to keep their opinion without being villainized.
Wait, what do you mean "happy to oblige"? Nobody abliges in my scenario. Everyone just leaves each other alone.
Yes, that's what I mean. The stated request was that trans people just want to be left alone. Most people would be happy to do that. I agree with you.