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My shell cracked this past weekend (lemm.ee)
submitted 11 months ago by oNevion@lemm.ee to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Getting hit with a lot of emotions. Some scary and some exciting.

My wife is being really supportive and we've been talking through all of this the past couple days nonstop.

Part of me is ready to shave everything and start HRT and feel pretty, but I'm also fucking terrified about how my world will react. It's also only been a few days but I feel like a whole new world has been opened up to me?

I don't know. I want to everyone and nobody so I thought I'd scream into the void here. Hope that is ok.

I'm so fucking empowered by all of you

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[-] DmMacniel@feddit.de 19 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I started my journey, for real this time, last month. I had never grined so hard in my entire life. It feels so freeing and refreshing to be my true self. I walk around in opposite-gendered, than my outer shell, clothing and I never saw anyone to roll their eyes or look at me with disgust. Most are just busy with themselves.

I also started using hair removal gel on my arms (I have very dense and dark colored hair) and they feel so smooth and right. I love it!

You can scream, yell, and feel pretty. All of that is valid. And you are valid!

So let me say: welcome! I'm Yuna :)

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 11 months ago

I've been wanting to do some hair removal, but I've got this pre-planned trip to Texas coming up so... Don't really want to make any noticeable changes before that. But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing 😁💯

I've not gone out full fem, but I'm pretty sure I would get looks. I have went out a couple times in polish and for the most part, I don't think anyone acted like they noticed. One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.

[-] DmMacniel@feddit.de 6 points 11 months ago

But definitely this winter when I can experiment undetected under long clothing

One time I was an anxious wreck though, hiding my hands half the day.

That's totally fine. We got lots of internalised trans-"phobia" (its not a phobia, they are just assholes!) to deal with and getting over that takes time.

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 11 months ago

I think I'm undoing lots of internalized stuff. Slowly making progress though!

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 11 months ago

That does make me feel better about it, but going from an area that is fairly accepting, traveling through the middle of nowhere to an area that I don't know how friendly it is. I don't want to draw any odd attention to myself.

[-] Vlaxtocia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 11 months ago

100%! The internalised transphobia isn't being afraid of being trans, it's being afraid of people reacting to us being trans

[-] fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 11 months ago

As a trans femme deep in Texas, I really wouldn't worry about it. Everyone here is caught up in their own lives just as much as everywhere else.

[-] oNevion@lemm.ee 3 points 11 months ago

I look forward to hearing how your hair removal experiment goes :)

[-] oNevion@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago

Hi Yuna! Thanks for the welcome :) girl, do I relate to the hair stuff. My wife actually recommended I try nair because I have hair everywhere and I feel like a ball of gross. Gonna take the time tonight to shave everything (something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was "too girly" so I stopped)

I'm looking forward to feeling smooth and soft. It's going to be the first thing I change/explore.

Really happy to hear nobody seemed "offended" by you being your true self. That's gonna be a hard one for me I think. I have some friends who I know would support and understand. But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho (I'm in the finance sector, so think wolf of Wall Street) and I don't think I could ever be brave enough there.

I keep telling my wife and my self that I have just wanted to feel pretty for so long. And now I realize I can feel pretty. It's not too girly because damn it I'm girly!

[-] DmMacniel@feddit.de 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

(something I played with around my teenage years but my inner voice said it was “too girly” so I stopped)

Oh i can relate so much with that! In my Egg time before "now" I always had some phases were I longed for the girly stuff. But dismissed it as a phase, and because i'm a man gods damn it! Like one time on a ren festival wearing a long flowy maxi skirt and a wig, because thats totally just a costume, right :D

But probably not my family and my workplace is very macho

Family... yeah... I'm getting anxious just thinking about coming out to my dad and mother. My siblings were totally chill. And Workplace... I hope your country has some checks in place against discrimination.

And now I realize I can feel pretty. It’s not too girly because damn it I’m girly!

Heck yeah! Show them who's boss! Because that's you, sister!

[-] oNevion@lemm.ee 5 points 11 months ago

Same! I have been counting all the times I shut myself down when I was getting a little too comfortable with my true self.

Finger nail polish was fun until a teacher yelled at me for being a distraction.

Shaving my arms and legs was fun until I realized how nice it made me feel.

Watching my mom put on makeup and wanting to try it until she started asking if I was gay. (I mean yes, but not in the way you think mom 😏)

this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2023
115 points (100.0% liked)

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