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How to deal with annoying co-worker
(lemm.ee)
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this post was submitted on 27 Oct 2023
159 points (93.4% liked)
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There's a sentence in this that every single reply to this has either ignored or missed, and that's the part where you think he's autistic.
From the small snapshot of his life and personality that you've offered it does seem that he shows some pretty clear signs. It may be that he doesn't even realise. I know that I've very recently come to realise that I'm obviously autistic and I'm very much an adult. How everyone around me throughout my entire life missed it/didn't realise is absolutely boggling.
Whether he's diagnosed or not shouldn't change that it should be handled with the appropriate sensitivities and equality policies as if he was autistic. But that's entirely up to your work place and it's culture.
You all need to remember that while you 'only' have to be around then during the times you're around him, he has always got to deal with being autistic, whether he knows he is or not. And from the sounds of things he may not be very good at masking, which is both good and bad for him. As a person who seems to be neurotypical, you live in a world that is designed for neurotypical people. He isn't and doesn't. Imagine being forced to live in a world where you need wheelchair ramps, but there are none provided - anywhere. He needs mental ramps.
You are more than entitled and allowed to not want to deal with him or be around him, please don't take this as saying that expect you to do that. But there needs to be sensitivity and an understanding of his struggles. If he is autistic, he cannot help the way he approaches situations or how he feels when you rebuff him. To him being told he's annoying is clearly something he's taking very, very personally. Take it from someone who is also autistic, it's horrible. I feel like my entire existence is being rejected, and it sticks and I ruminate on it for hours sometimes days.
So speak to HR first, see what their equality policy is, and what options that they have. Hopefully the company culture and policy recognises that a diagnosis isn't always possible or needed. And take it from there. Ultimately I think that some of the responses about finding time where you can separate yourself from him is the most likely solution.
Sorry mate this is just wrong all the way up and down.
Don't try diagnosing a co-worker, don't go running to HR asking about "equality" for someone you've diagnosed, and as a team leader just separating yourself from your team is not a solution.
Don't recall diagnosing him anywhere, but you go ahead and read what you want to read so that you can create a straw man.
I said that it's a possibility and therefore should be approached with the care that entails.
But your solution, reading your other response is to talk to the person. Which, if you had read the original post, you would have realised they have already tried to. And their response to that detailed.
So what do you propose? Because if the person who is annoyed by the co-worker shouldn't take time separate from their team to be able to complete aspects of their work, then the alternative is to....? The idea that a TL/manager whatever cannot trust their team to be able to leave them to work without them is obscene in itself. I guess the entire place falls apart when they have to go into meetings or trips etc.
I'm sure you'll decide to read whatever you want from the above as well, and you do that. I'll leave you to it.
Your entire post is about managing a neurodivergent person. That's a diagnosis.
It's completely inappropriate to make assumptions about a co-worker's mental faculties, and to act on those assumptions.
OP did try talking to the person but frankly, doesn't seem very experienced in that regard.
OP needs to build a working relationship with this guy such that he doesn't respond to feedback as though it's a personal attack. The only way to do that is talking.
Yeah I get it I actually have social anxiety that's why I've been so patient with him. I fully understand his reaction it's just that I'm not close enough with him nor am I a therapist able to work through it with him.
Have you tried being more empathically direct with him?
"Hey man, we all like you a lot and think you're fun to be around...but you gotta cool it with the jokes at work. It might not make everyone uncomfortable but knowing that it can make some people uncomfortable is uncomfortable in itself. I know you mean well and I don't want to see someone raise a complaint to HR and get you in trouble"