I wouldn't go so far as to say that "bipolar isn't so bad," because it sure can be. However, I have stopped whining, complaining, and lamenting. I have accepted my illness. I take my medication and I try to live my best life.

Schizoaffective disorder is a much greater challenge, but again, I have accepted it. I bear this cross and no matter what happens, you're right, I have power over myself. I may not always have full control over my mental faculties, but I have been through the hell of my mind turning on itself. What are the trivialities of life compared to that?

Life sucks for us all in different ways. I do not think I have it worse than anyone else, just tough in my own way. We each must deal with our own challenges.

As somebody with schizoaffective, I don't understand where you're coming from saying it means I'm the only one with power over myself. In fact, I've found even after being well medicated I'm incredibly easy to manipulate. All you have to do is tell me somebody's trying to control me and instantly I've spun a 2000 foot deep web about how they're doing it. Then you just tell me you have the solution and suddenly I'm eating out of your hand.

And my emotional barrier is paper thin. I only look unaffected by things. In reality if I'm the slightest bit scared or upset, I'm breaking down inside and spinning another web to fill in the cracks. My whole existence is built on delusions and lies I've built up to keep myself together, such that even now that I'm in a place where I theoretically could start breaking them down and rebuilding properly, I won't, because I'd fall apart, and I can't handle that.

I've decided to just be happy being fucked up. Not because that's right, but because that's the only thing I can survive.