Gotcha. Well, turn that frown upside down!

I know it barely makes a difference, but I wanna say that I appreciate and look forward to your memes

You sound more Indigenous than Buffy St Marie

As an Indigenous person who grew up in northern Ontario ... this was basically my life and often it still feels like this. But like you say, you keep soldiering on.

Keep working, keep doing things, keep being nice, keep being kind, keep staying busy - ignore the world, ignore what they say, ignore what they do - stay away from negativity, stay away from dark people - move towards light, move towards happiness, move towards being good - laugh at the world, laugh at your enemies, laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends.

And when you're out in the wilderness, near a park or just outside your home ... look for the biggest tree you can find and wrap your arms around it, hold on it and hang on and let it's energy mesh with yours. The grandfather tree has seen more life than you and I ever will and will most likely live longer than us. It's a lesson I was taught by my elders long ago. When you are lost, sad, unhappy and can't find your way home ... hold onto a grandfather tree, a being rooted to the ground, that touches the sky, lives without malice, gives shelter to others and watches the world with quiet empathy. He will give you some of its life and a moment to find your way back to something good.

I've had different traumas (career and relationship related), I don't think they're as bad as yours but I completely understand what you're going through. I've been on a few medications and therapies but the emptiness and lack of motivation is always there. After a certain amount of trauma I just don't see how you move forward without the universe making serious amends, like maybe a streak of really good luck. I actually just sit around waiting for a UBI program to exist and jumpstart my life, because my brain doesn't work well enough to go back to my old routine dealing with the same terrible people.

The most unhelpful thing I've heard someone say was "life isn't fair to anyone, so just own it". Yeah, thanks champ and fuck off.

Buy weed

Trust me bro

I never got as bad as wanting to not be alive but a couple panic attacks made me suck it up and get the wheels rolling on seeing a Psych and getting meds. ADHD since childhood didn't help but the meds sure as fuck do. It sucks that you see what you're supposed to be doing but our social safety nets sucks so much, especially as adults, that you can't use them.

Finding insurance and a stable job can go a long way. Without them, it can be tough out of pocket. Finding the right combo of meds was what I knew I needed and ended up doing exactly what I needed them to. God damn they're expensive though. Mostly the stimulants and anti-drinking pills (Naltrexone FTW!) though.

Edit: Honestly just being tired all the time, especially in the mornings, was one of the worst parts. My depression showing up as numbness was handy as a Stoic, but life is better when you feel shit appropriately.

Kinda rambling, but keep on keeping on.

Hay, could you take a look through my comment history and see if I’m someone you’d want to talk to? I apologize for the snarky bits and the one liners.

You mentioned doing a discord to watch on that Bjork mushroom movie, which unfortunately is only in theaters right now.

Anyway, take a look at the kinds of things I write and hit me up if you want to talk.