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[TW: dysphoria][support] Need advice on my dysphoria struggles. (kbin.social)
submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Anomandaris@kbin.social to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Sorry in advance for the depressing thread, but I don't have anyone in my life with trans experiences and I need advice on what I'm feeling.

As much as we might wish we could waking up one morning with the body of a gorgeous k-pop idol or something, the fact is reality doesn't work that way. And this kind of thing is what I'm struggling with the most, the fact that I'm always going to struggle with body hair and masculine features.

I was on HRT for one month, and still have the relevant medications in my bathroom, but stopped. Partially due to lack of support, but mostly due to self-doubt and lack of confidence that I'll ever be happy with how I look. I just couldn't see the woman inside coming out.

I kept asking myself: what would be worse? Constantly wishing I could successfully transition, or transitioning and having to live with never being able to pass? This became additionally concerning with the uptick in abuse against trans people.

Part of me feels guilty for stopping and falling back on the safe suffering I already know, and a part of me feels guilty for giving up, part of me is scared of all the new things I'll have to learn if I re-start, and another part of me is concerned about how my partner would feel if I started again, I know she doesn't approve but doesn't want to say so.

For those of you who are/were larger, or taller, or older, or more hairy, how did you manage these concerns? For those of you without resources in your life to aid your transition, how did you get support?

Thank you for reading.

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[-] mjsaber@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 year ago

Your feelings and concerns are valid, and while being trans isn't a choice, going through with transitioning is. And transitioning is a lot! Especially if you don't have a really supportive family.

As far as results- it takes time, and the hormones are only part of it. If your goal is to pass, there are lots of other things that will help with that - in my experience, voice being the most important. But even learning how to do your makeup, style your hair, and wear clothes for your body shape will help look more 'natural'.

And yeah, it would be nice to wake up and be a k pop idol, and guess what? Cis girls feel like that too! There are insane, unrealistic standards applied to women's beauty.

As you think about it, just ask yourself what will make you happy? What will allow you to be the best version of yourself? For some of us it's transitioning, for others it's finding ways to express our gender in ways that feel safe and comfortable. And while it's important to consider your partner and her feelings, in the end it's your life and your decision.

Lastly, I just want to say its really normal to feel a lot of anxiety about this, especially at the start. It's a big change, and a long, difficult journey, and we don't know the exact destination until we get there. I hope you can make a choice that will help you find peace. If you have any questions about the process itself or what to expect, I would be happy to talk more.

this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2023
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