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[-] the_q@lemmy.world 104 points 11 months ago

Wait till she actually reads the Bible. She's gonna be sooooo horny after that I tell ya.

[-] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 46 points 11 months ago

If a simple kiss gives her a porn addiction what does she think of what Lot's daughters did? Worse than a damn Folgers commercial

[-] TechyDad@lemmy.world 23 points 11 months ago

I love using that story to counter the "modern books are smut, have kids read the Bible" folks. Either that or the story of Dinah.

To those who don't know it. Dinah was raped. Her rapist decided he wanted to marry her and, being such a "nice guy," asked her brothers for permission. They agreed, but only if he and all men in the town were circumcised. The guy agreed and, being the prince, ordered all men to get circumcised. When all the men were "indisposed," the brothers came in, killed all the men, took the women and children as slaves, and took all their possessions.

Their father, Jacob, was angry with how they acted because they "caused trouble" and it could result in other tribes attacking them. Apparently, he was fine with his daughter being raped because the story just moves on to other things.

So this is just a normal everyday kid's story with rape, theft, and murder! Perfectly acceptable for any child to read because at least two guys didn't kiss!!!

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

Nobody accused Jacob of being an attentive and loving father to all of his children

[-] the_q@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago

Ezekiel 23:20 is gonna blow her mind.

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 13 points 11 months ago

Whoa, whoa, TIL the Catholics have translated that verse to say their THRUSTS were like stallions', but every translation I grew up with clearly specified that their emissions/their ejaculate was like horses'. What gives? Which is it!?

[-] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

There is enough magic in the world for it to be both. Let me have this?

Please?

[-] the_q@lemmy.world 12 points 11 months ago

It's penises and semen all the way down.

[-] Eh_I@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago
[-] n2burns@lemmy.ca 5 points 11 months ago

There isn't a standard Catholic translation, so which one are you talking about? I've checked the NIV, NCB, NRSV, NJB and none of those say "their Thrusts". The only one I can find it in is the NAB and that's specifically a US version that as a Canadian who grew up Catholic, I'd never heard of before!

[-] ivanafterall@kbin.social 5 points 11 months ago

I grew up with KJV (even occasionally "KJV-only," which is a whole thing). Then as I got older, while I was still religious, I moved to the English Standard Version and/or the New American Standard. But when I Googled the verse, it popped up the USCCB site, which had that translation. I'm not clear on whether USCCB has their own translation (?) or they're using one of the ones you referenced. I'd just never seen that translation. ESV says "issue," NAS says "discharge."

[-] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

The path of the righteous man?

[-] PapaStevesy@midwest.social 11 points 11 months ago

Check out Song of Solomon, it's literally straight-up smut.

[-] frezik@midwest.social 2 points 11 months ago

It's a fun one for churches that insist you don't "read between the lines" of the bible. The one I grew up in said it was a metaphor for God's relationship with the nation of Israel. As opposed to the straightforward interpretation that Solomon supposedly had 700 wives and was still horny for one more.

this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2023
222 points (96.2% liked)

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