Also, what I loved about HP has changed, what I see in the original source material can't be unchanged. I loved the magic, the opportunity, the hope and the underlying messages of love and found family.

But I don't see those things anymore when I re-engage with the source material. They're still there on the surface, sure, but now I know more about the author I can't unsee the racist undertones, the issues surrounding gender roles and the failed allegorys for homosexuality. It was there the whole time, and I was blissfully ignorant as a teenager reading these books, and that's why okay, but as an adult, I can't go back. What I loved about HP isn't there anymore, and trying to read other again through the child like lens makes me feel uncomfortable because it's like I'm closing my eyes, sticking my fingers in my ears and convincing myself that it's okay to be complicit engaging with bigotry.