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this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2023
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In my last job (which was on a team of all cis women), people shared their pronouns...both singular AND plural (i.e., how they wanted to be referred to in a group). Which is pretty bizarre. Like, what if one person's plural pronoun is "folks" and another's is "friends"...then which term are you supposed to use?
And I came to hate saying "friends" because we weren't friends. It was a soul-sucking corporate gig, and I wasn't part of their mom squad...I never saw them outside of work, and I was always the last to learn about team changes, so let's be real: we aren't friends, we're coworkers. It got creepy being expected to smile and address everyone as "friends"!
FWIW, I have nothing against folks or guys or y'all ;)
This is what bugs me about chosen pronouns, it's like a right someone has to tell other people how to use language, that can get complicated and needs memorization. People should have leeway on the words they use, even if they shouldn't be making unwanted assertions about other peoples gender. Would be better to just have a set of genderless pronouns that are always polite/safe to use.
I resonate deeply with this. I can't be bothered to memorise all these pronouns. I'd of course do it for people I am close to, though.
I maintain that "they/them" is that always-safe genderless pronoun type.
I do use singular they a lot for lack of alternatives, but it can get pretty awkward when both an individual and a group of people are part of the context of your statement. Do you accept the ambiguity and that people may misinterpret you? Spend a lot of time structuring your words to fight against that ambiguity? Overuse the word 'person' instead of using pronouns? I think it would be a strict improvement to the language if we just made 'xe' or something a real word.
Agreed.
or just refer to people as ma'am/sir, and if they get offended it's their problem
In an office?? I feel like that would be weird or come across as sarcastic. I call my boss by his first name. Heck, we don't even call CEOs sir/ma'am anymore.
it's a term of respect - but business cultures differ between corporations